Bonbon35 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I need some thoughts...For closure... I am 35 and my ex boyfriend is 32. We were together for about 5 months. We both were in long relationships before this, but we're separated for a while. Him and I moved in together and lived together for 4 months. The first of our relationship was unbelievable!! Wonderful!! Then things slowed down, which I expected to happen a little. I talked to my BF a few weeks ago about our relationship, and told him if he didn't want to continue, I wanted him to tell me, because at that point I wasn't as happy anymore and he didn't seem to be either, but we were still very affectionate, he said he wanted to be with me, and he loved me, but he was down on himself because he wasn't working and just didn't feel himself. So things continued...keep in mind we never fought. He has a 14yr old, and I have three children. A few days ago, he kissed me as I left for work, told me to have a good night. Shortly after I arrived at work, he texted me saying, our relationship isn't good is it? And I replied, not at the moment. He then said he thinks he is going to move out. I replied if that's what he wants, and asked if he wanted to talk first. He said there was nothing there anymore. No real explanation, so then I just said ok. I haven't texted him and he hasn't texted me, no contact...what the heck happened there. Thank you:(
CarrieT Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 From the sounds of it, you were together a MONTH before living together? Together for 5 months but living together for 4?!? And did you get your children involved so quickly as well? What happened was that you didn't get to know each other before trying to co-habitate and it all was too much, too soon. This is why it is best to date and get to know someone for at least a year before living together. Probably best to not involve the children for at least six months as well... 2
Satu Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 At 5 months you've only just begun knowing each other.
Lorelai Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Wow, you moved in together after just a month? The last boyfriend I moved in with and I were together nearly six months before I gave up my apartment, even though I was practically living at his place before that. The only reason I gave up my apartment at all was because it'd gotten to the point where paying rent on another place was a waste of money since I stayed there maybe 2-3 nights a month tops. Without being a mind-reader, none of us can tell you what's in his head. I know it's hard when you don't have closure, or it seems like the reason they claim is fishy. When that same guy and I split after nearly five years, he'd said he was "depressed" and that's why he wanted to move out. I didn't buy it. In my case, I was right not to buy it, because an Internet search demonstrated he had been cheating. But absent your ex or his possible new partner posting a crapload of things to the Internet linking their names, Google-stalking will probably not tell you much about his motivations. But really, we don't have to know the "why". It's frustrating not to, but the "why" doesn't really matter -- the situation is what it is. He wants to end things and move out. If he used the "it's not you, it's me" line, you can't change him -- only he can change himself. If he says it really was you, not him, and you have shown him your genuine self, changing who you are to keep a man is not right, either. So even though it's hard, it's really best not to dwell on trying to figure out "why", and instead cope with what is.
Author Bonbon35 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 We did move in together fast, I know. I thought because we were both older and have had long relationships, that it would be ok. It was my place, and he moved in after a month of dating. My kids didn't meet him until 6 weeks into the relationship. He was wonderful, and alway very affectionate. I really thought he may have been my soul mate...if such a thing.
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