MapleWish Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 i am struggling so terribly when it comes to this guy, we can't seem to make things work no matter what. whether we're dating, crushes, or just friends. the recently-divorced crush of mine whom i tried dating and i've been trying to deal with made up his mind on st patty's day, saying again he was not ready to date and this time he was serious. he noted once again that yes he likes me but he just got divorced in october, hence not ready to date. so that was that. he told me not to chase him and to be just friends. it's been hard and i've been trying. i havent been texting him and didn't see him at all last week until friday (last night) but things seemed, i dont know, still maybe a little uncomfortable or tense. i talked with a guy friend before friday, telling him i'll try to maintain a friendship with my crush but then maybe casually flirt to show there's still some interest but after the vibe i got last night, i'm not sure that's gonna work. before st patty's day we had numerous talks that we needed to just be friends but after each talk, about 3 days later we'd be back to being affectionate and cuddling and acting like a couple. so i think my crush is being firm this time, he didnt slip at all last night. BUT so far he hasnt reached out to me like a FRIEND. he'll text his guy friends when he's bored at home and ask what theyre up to and whatnot but he hasnt done that with me. he told me give it time and things would go back to normal, but i feel like theyre not. he's leaving in like 3 months, going back to his home state (for good, not a temporary visit) and in these months i wanna be a friend but that doesnt mean i wanna go a month without talkin to him just so things can cool down and THEN have him text me. i dont wanna chase him and force myself into his life, he made the decision to be friends but so far it feels like all the effort is on my part. and we both agreed it's up to the guy to set the pace. i'm thinkin maybe i'm worrying too soon, since it's only been a little over a week since he, in terms, friendzoned me. i keep wondering if the phone call from his ex wife triggered something. we went to a bonfire last friday and we were pretty comfortable, he'd even given me a compliment that night and would stand near me by the fire. then that saturday came and he got a call from the ex, nothing specific she just clarified they owed some back taxes. but his best friend confided in me when she called and my crush talked to her, like all his emotions flooded back. he thought he was over her and then she called and he realized he wasnt or something. theyre not getting back together though, she got the divorce to go back to her first boyfriend and she's with him, and my crush is leaving in a few months anyways. i'm worried he's been acting diff cause of that phone call. and then the issue with his best friend. his best friend is also MY friend. we talked earlier today bout coming over and playing video games, he told me he'd be done with work around 3, i thought that meant "come over after 3". no he tells me, "me and (insert crush name) are headed out again, we'll be back tonight" and i got so pissed, just a flood of emotions. i'm jealous theyre spending time together, i was curious where they'd be off to that theyre not coming back till TONIGHT. i know i'm not handling this sitch well. i'm not sure why i'm feeling like this. i wanna see my crush but i dont and i feel like maybe i'm only hanging around the friend to be closer to my crush but at the same time, the friend and are i looking for an apartment to be roommates. so why am i getting so frustrated? i've been worse these past few months, being possessive and jealous and trying to hold onto my crush that it's backfiring. for me, my friends are those i dont really see that often, maybe a couple times a month, we're all busy and such but my crush and his friends see eachother like every week. i dont get that same "treatment" and i'm guessing it's cause theyre all bros and i'm the girl with a crush. what the heck do i do? i'm doing so much WRONG here
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Clearly you can't be friends with this man because you are waiting for the opportunity to date him. Unless you like torturing yourself, don't hang around with him or involve him in your life on any level. It might just be too soon, or he might just not be into you and is being polite about it. Either way you continuing to involve h in your life at this point is just going to emotionally keep you on a string. Be smart and don't do that to yourself. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Waiting in the wings never works it just causes upset at some point. Edited March 28, 2015 by Buddhist
Author MapleWish Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 and i'll clarify, usually i'll get a flood of responses saying i'm holding out for him hoping to date him later or he's not really into me etc. NO, that's not it not even in my thread. me and him have liked each other for 6 months, he TRIED dating me like november to jan, he tried to be a boyfriend but he wasnt ready. he just got divorced. and yes apart of me is hoping i'll be able to date him later but at the same time, i'm fine being FRIENDS. i'd rather have him as a friend
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