Author lookingforclosure Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Well I saw xMM for a brief moment this morning, by chance on the road. He looked my way and I just kept going. It stung a bit...I had a urge to reach out...but I can't i'm blocked so I just tried to fight the feelings. And those feelings suck...lol but I didn't break down and cry. I have to get my strength up because it's pretty much inevitable that we will run into each other face to face and I want to be able to handle it. I don't want him to know he still has any bit of control over me 3
Grapesofwrath Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Good for you for holding it together. The first time is the hardest. Now you have one under your belt. Next time will be a little bit easier, and the time after that, etc. Maybe it would help to think that now you are free. Free from all this drama and turmoil.
Josmatjes Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You should be proud of yourself..... It's not easy.
Josmatjes Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Anytime I get under extreme stress for months at a time this happens. And yes my General Practioner was the one to prescribe the Zofran and Phenergan, and the Xanax to sleep. I can't take most antidepressants and the Dr thinks this is just the normal grieving process for me. I woke up this morning thinking I would feel 10x better than I have the past two months since purging him from my life yesterday...but I dont. A girlfriend of mine suggested maybe I should tell his wife the truth. I'm not so sure that would make me heal any quicker...any thoughts? This is just my opinion, but, I would stop taking all those drugs....seriously. Deal with the hurt straight up. Yes the pain is awful and I'm so sorry for you. Can you start a workout program? Or just start going out with friends more. My friends truly have saved me! Don't let this destroy you. You have to find your inner strength! You can do this!
goodyblue Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 This is just my opinion, but, I would stop taking all those drugs....seriously. Deal with the hurt straight up. Yes the pain is awful and I'm so sorry for you. Can you start a workout program? Or just start going out with friends more. My friends truly have saved me! Don't let this destroy you. You have to find your inner strength! You can do this! The medications she is referring to do not make you 'high' or cloud your thinking. They just deal with nausea. The Phenergan may cause a little drowsiness but that is it. It is not like she is using the medication to mask her feelings or hide from reality. 2
Author lookingforclosure Posted May 20, 2015 Author Posted May 20, 2015 Yes the medication I am taking is for nausea...I have stomach issues as it is, stress just makes it 10x worse. I was taking 0.5mg of Xanax for sleep at night and have cut that back to 0.25mg and have started weening myself off certain days. xMM did contact me three weeks ago and apologized...I got to say everything I wanted to say over the past 4 months. Some days are better than others, but I am glad I had the chance to speak my mind. I have started a workout program which I need to get better at sticking too...but have been working an awful lot lately. I'm doing much better than I was 4 months ago...I've let go of the anger, now to let go of loving him and i'll be GREAT!!!
KissofGrace Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Today was my "cleansing day" so to speak. I finally deleted the Skype App off my phone, removed him as a contact on it and changed my pic to a black dot and no name...I have a request with Skype to deactivate my user name and profile which they say can take up to two weeks. I then went through my house and gathered all gifts he gave me and clothes he had left and threw them in the trash at the street. Lastly I deleted all photos and texts that were sti on my phone permanently. I should say it took me two hours to do this and several times of breaking down and crying. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I have nothing left of him anymore.. :0( LOVE the terminology you used "cleansing" how cathartic. First, BRAVO! you are one step ahead of me. I have thought about it, but physically haven't removed the items. My plan is to put them in a box (which i already have with some of his stuff) and put them away until i "grieve" him, the memories, the dreams and everything completely. Once i have done that, i plan to dig up the box and discard all. When i think of this, i too cry and have my " A**hole!" moments. But then i pray and i do feel better. feeling sick to your stomach is natural and a very normal reaction. we all process things differently and internalize our emotions. Keep crying, let it out and please take care of yourself. Do something nice for yourself and enjoy it. Spa day, massage, mani/pedi...whatever it may be...enjoy it and forgive yourself. Smile and believe that you are better than what you think you are. all the best.
Recommended Posts