Venkman Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 This is probably going to sound really lame and needy but the self loathing is running high today so thought I'd vent on here. I'm 31 and am beginning to think I'm never going to have a long term meaningful relationship, I've never had a girlfriend for longer than 8 months and the couple of occasions I've got my hopes up when dating a girl it tends to then crash and burn. I don't know what I do wrong, I like to think I'm a nice guy but then again they finish last don't they? I have a good sense of humour, I'm intelligent and caring, I have a decent job, and although I'm no Ryan Gosling I'm not exactly Sloth from the Goonies either. I have never had much luck with women, I've never been confident enough to be a player, and to be honest I'd be more than happy with just finding one decent girl and it all working out, I'm shy but I will talk to girls especially if I pick up on signals they like me. I had a girlfriend at 21 for about 6 months but she ended it, then I was depressingly single just dating now and again or having a couple of less than stellar one night stands until last year when I was seeing a girl for about 8 months. This ended and I was pretty gutted about it at the time but it was long distance and probably for the best. I had a few dates after this with several girls, there was no real spark though. I then met a really great girl on a night out, we hit it off and started dating. I thought everything was going great, we always laughed and joked together, were comfortable together and I was feeling good about things. Then she ended it saying she had just come out of a serious relationship and wasn't ready for anything right now. This sucks as I really like her and don't know if that's the real reason she ended things or whether she wanted out, but then I think about how we were together and it leaves me confused. I can't make this girl be ready for something but I hate thinking I've either messed up or ruined a chance with another decent girl. I have left the door open with this girl if she ever does want something but the harsh reality is that I won't hear from her again, although I keep getting the temptation text her and think about making contact again somewhere down the line. It would seem I'm a pretty good rebound guy but that's not really an achievement. People keep saying keep your chin up and you will find someone when the time is right, and it will happen but that's obviously not a given as life doesn't work like that or else everybody would have someone. It frustrates me seeing knob head guys with girls they don't appreciate or deserve. I can only be myself but I'm beginning to think that's not enough to keep a girl around. Rant over.
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 What are you doing to sort of pre-qualify these women before you start dating them? I ask because I would think you may have mad better decisions with that one woman if you knew she was just out of another relationship. Perhaps open your options & multi date for a while. What are you doing to meet new people? Part of it is a number game. Yesterday I was talking to a male friend while I waited for DH to show up. He was lamenting that he can't meet women. I asked what he did besides hang out in the bar where we were, which was mostly couples. He said nothing. I explained that was half his problem.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Well you're cool enough to reference both The Ghostbusters with your screen name and The Goonies in your post. So I'll give you some advice man. You need to switch your mindset. If you're trying too hard to attract a woman, everything from your body language to your actions will scream that you're needy. Indifference is what makes the difference with women. Take me for example. If a woman likes me, great. But if not, who cares? I know I'll have another date lined up in the near future. When you can get to the point where you're indifferent to rejection, that is when you become more attractive. Self proclaimed "nice guys" usually try way too hard to please women. They think that if they go out of their way for a girl, compliment her all the time, and don't act like they want her sexually, etc that she'll like them more. But women are people just like we are. They want guys who are their authentic self. Go back and look at how you interact with your buddies. Do you care about being a "nice guy" with them? If one of them is full of $hit, you let them know it. If you've got an opinion to share, you tell them, etc.. This is how you have to be with women. By treating her like a person, and not putting her on a pedestal, you become more attractive. Edited March 28, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
Author Venkman Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks for the replies and you'd have thought liking the Goonies and Ghostbusters would make me desirable to women lol. Yeah with the most recent girl, had she been up front from the start then I would have approached it differently either by walking from the get go or just would have been more casual about it, kinda gutted as she kinda led me on I guess and let me fall for her before she told me about her recent break up. I've been thinking of maybe joining a cooking class (as I can't cook) or a dance class (as I have no rhythm) to maybe broaden my horizons and meet new people. I do go out to bars and clubs quite regular but it's like a meat market and hard meet someone decent. I'm giving online dating a bash but really need find some decent pics of myself lol. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks for the replies and you'd have thought liking the Goonies and Ghostbusters would make me desirable to women lol. Yeah with the most recent girl, had she been up front from the start then I would have approached it differently either by walking from the get go or just would have been more casual about it, kinda gutted as she kinda led me on I guess and let me fall for her before she told me about her recent break up. I've been thinking of maybe joining a cooking class (as I can't cook) or a dance class (as I have no rhythm) to maybe broaden my horizons and meet new people. I do go out to bars and clubs quite regular but it's like a meat market and hard meet someone decent. I'm giving online dating a bash but really need find some decent pics of myself lol. To be honest, I don't know where this mindset comes from that you have to meet people in bars and clubs. Do you know how many women are out and about every day in public? One of my favorite places to meet women is actually in the grocery store. Since I have to be there doing my shopping anyway, it kills two birds with one stone. Plus, you're able to use the surroundings to get a little bit of insight into her. If she's getting ice cream, what's her favorite flavor? If she's got a full cart with stuff to cook, what's she planning on making? If a woman's in produce, she's more likely to be into a healthy lifestyle, etc.. Also places like Barnes and Noble or the library are great choices too. 1
deathandtaxes Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I don't know what dance class you're thinking of taking, but I've met sooooo many women taking ballet for adults. I'm usually the only guy in class with 10+ women hahaha.
PogoStick Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Salsa dancing is where it's at. Most cities I've been to, at least 1 bar will host a salsa lesson a couple times a month. Once you've been dancing with some girls for an hour it's a pretty easy transition to have them sit down for a drink.
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