Downundernz Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Hi guys, hoping to get some advice. A year ago I was traveling and met a nice lady abroad. Anyway a romance quickly blossomed and I've been going to see her as much as I can. Which has cost me a small fortune. She is also from a poor background and although she's never asked for money, occasionally I have assisted her financially. I love her very much, but I'm starting to become frustrated. Recently I sent her a rather large sum of money to organise a VISA to come and visit me in my country. It never happened, she had excuse after excuse as to why she hadn't processed it and finally came out with the fact she'd spent the money on herself. I was furious and let her know. I'm starting to notice she tells little 'white lies' all the time too, about the most trivial things. Culturally we are very different (she's asian I'm kiwi) and often my western expectations clash with her asian expectations of how a r/ship should work. My logical brain says "this is going nowhere, cut your losses" and I know it's the right thing to do and when I really think about it, it's what I know I need to do. I'm starting a new job soon and I'll need to be focused, instead of constantly feeling stressed about how we're going to make this work. But I just can't do it, I can't walk away. I still have deep feelings for her, but at the same time know in my heart it's a dead end. I also think I'd struggle with NC after breaking it off. Has anyone got any advice on how to stop thinking emotionally and more logically?
Reality015 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Hi guys, hoping to get some advice. A year ago I was traveling and met a nice lady abroad. Anyway a romance quickly blossomed and I've been going to see her as much as I can. Which has cost me a small fortune. She is also from a poor background and although she's never asked for money, occasionally I have assisted her financially. I love her very much, but I'm starting to become frustrated. Recently I sent her a rather large sum of money to organise a VISA to come and visit me in my country. It never happened, she had excuse after excuse as to why she hadn't processed it and finally came out with the fact she'd spent the money on herself. I was furious and let her know. I'm starting to notice she tells little 'white lies' all the time too, about the most trivial things. Culturally we are very different (she's asian I'm kiwi) and often my western expectations clash with her asian expectations of how a r/ship should work. My logical brain says "this is going nowhere, cut your losses" and I know it's the right thing to do and when I really think about it, it's what I know I need to do. I'm starting a new job soon and I'll need to be focused, instead of constantly feeling stressed about how we're going to make this work. But I just can't do it, I can't walk away. I still have deep feelings for her, but at the same time know in my heart it's a dead end. I also think I'd struggle with NC after breaking it off. Has anyone got any advice on how to stop thinking emotionally and more logically? Sorry to hear this but you need to listen to your instincts. I'm going through a similar experience I wish things could work however I know deep down it's not going to. Best to go NC like myself & cut your losses.
elaine567 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Recently I sent her a rather large sum of money to organise a VISA to come and visit me in my country. It never happened, she had excuse after excuse as to why she hadn't processed it and finally came out with the fact she'd spent the money on herself. I was furious and let her know. Forget "love" and realise she is just using you for money. She cannot help being poor, but she has abused your trust and spent your money, unashamedly Cut her loose, she doesn't deserve you, go concentrate on your new job and get on with your own life. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 You may love her but she only loves your money. She is also dishonest. What's the point of continuing? Do you like being used? 1
Author Downundernz Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 I'm not sure she's just 'using' me. She has made a lot of sacrifices for me as I have her. I think she's just got no financial skills whats so ever and having a lump sum of money she just couldn't handle. Anyway that's besides the point, I appreciate the replies and you're all right! My struggle is letting go, I cant understand why i can't cut her loose. Maybe I'm worried I'll regret it, she can be an absolute sweetheart and when we're together it is awesome. Maybe I just need to work up the courage and not look back.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I'm not sure she's just 'using' me. She has made a lot of sacrifices for me as I have her. I think she's just got no financial skills whats so ever and having a lump sum of money she just couldn't handle. Anyway that's besides the point, I appreciate the replies and you're all right! My struggle is letting go, I cant understand why i can't cut her loose. Maybe I'm worried I'll regret it, she can be an absolute sweetheart and when we're together it is awesome. Maybe I just need to work up the courage and not look back. Oh, come on!! She gladly took your money and wasn't upfront about it. Use your head. What does that tell you about how much of a "sweetheart" she is? What sacrifices is she making? You lost a substantial amount of money. You're lying to yourself here. She isn't into you like you are into her. It couldn't be more obvious, but you're in deep denial because you don't want to believe it. Maybe once you realize that your motivations are entirely different you'll be able to walk away. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I'm not sure she's just 'using' me. She has made a lot of sacrifices for me as I have her. I think she's just got no financial skills whats so ever and having a lump sum of money she just couldn't handle. Anyway that's besides the point, I appreciate the replies and you're all right! My struggle is letting go, I cant understand why i can't cut her loose. Maybe I'm worried I'll regret it, she can be an absolute sweetheart and when we're together it is awesome. Maybe I just need to work up the courage and not look back. You need to wake up. If she took the money & initially told you she spent it on something else like an emergency car repair I might be inclined to give her a break. The scenario you described, it just wrong. I wouldn't be surprised to learn she's doing this to multiple men. Whatever sacrifices she claims to have made, are just that, claims.
Author Downundernz Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Oh, come on!! She gladly took your money and wasn't upfront about it. Use your head. What does that tell you about how much of a "sweetheart" she is? What sacrifices is she making? You lost a substantial amount of money. You're lying to yourself here. She isn't into you like you are into her. It couldn't be more obvious, but you're in deep denial because you don't want to believe it. Maybe once you realize that your motivations are entirely different you'll be able to walk away. UPDATE: Thanks to you and the others that gave me the tough love I needed. I've just had a long hard think and made the call and ended the relationship. Actually I feel really relieved hopefully that doesn't turn to dispair. I'm going straight in NC, she's already blowing up my phone, but ah well. She made her bed, she'll have to lay in it. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 UPDATE: Thanks to you and the others that gave me the tough love I needed. I've just had a long hard think and made the call and ended the relationship. Actually I feel really relieved hopefully that doesn't turn to dispair. I'm going straight in NC, she's already blowing up my phone, but ah well. She made her bed, she'll have to lay in it. It's because she realizes her bank account has closed. Don't let her sway you. What she did was plain wrong and conniving. Good for you for going NC. 1
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