Evetskey Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I met this wonderful woman about six weeks ago. We are both very busy working and both of us are in school. We've only seen each other 4 times and have had a great deal of fun but she can't commit to a date a month down the road. Is that to much to ask for or is she just not into me? Btw she's affectionate and likes innocent touching and hugging. I feel it's totally her move and we haven't spoke or texted in a week.
LLostInLove Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I met this wonderful woman about six weeks ago. We are both very busy working and both of us are in school. We've only seen each other 4 times and have had a great deal of fun but she can't commit to a date a month down the road. Is that to much to ask for or is she just not into me? Btw she's affectionate and likes innocent touching and hugging. I feel it's totally her move and we haven't spoke or texted in a week. Whats the reason for her not committing to the date? In my opinion this means one of three things: 1. Shes genuinely busy with work, so she cant commit. 2. Shes not interested and shes trying to let you down easy. Its possible that even though she has seen you 4 times, she might not be interested. If a girl really likes you she WILL see you. 3. Shes playing hard to get. You mentioned yous are in school, shes probably been talking to her friends and they've been telling her to play it cool. But then again, im no expert.
Author Evetskey Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks, I think she maybe playing it cool. Twice she has told me I'm distracting her. She ripped out her car phone charger while I was taking to her. I bought her a new one and the second time she need to get back to a school project. She may also have no clue what her next week looks like much less a month down the road. Still I think I need to wait on her for the next contact.
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Most jobs that I had when I was in school had changing schedules week to week that I only knew about 2 weeks in advance. If she doesn't know her work schedule of course she can't commit to a date a month out. If you haven't heard from her in a week & you haven't reached out to her, she probably thinks you don't like her at this point & has written you off. There are no "turns". When you think like this -- quid pro quo -- you are setting up an inherent power struggle that is the antithesis of a healthy loving relationship. If you would like to date her, call her. Ask for a date no more than 5 days in advance & go from there. Since you are both in school, it doesn't have to be something elaborate, even a study date would be fine.
Author Evetskey Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Then perhaps she has written me off. She already knows that I will make the time to see her and I feel that if I reach out, it will put me indefinitely in the friend zone. I agree that it's not about taking turns. It's more about the web and flow of magnetism and attraction.
SELdeMER Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I don't agree that it's not about "turns" , if this guy keeps reaching out and she never initiates or let's him know when she may be free, or at least say things like "hey I really wanna see you again, I will def tell you when I am free" then I think it perfectly reasonable for him to take a step back and wait for her to show that she is interested enough to at least maintain basic level contact. I just feel that, no matter how busy you get, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. If you have time to poop, you have time to text. I get that people are busy, but busy people need to step-up their game a bit (regardless of their gender) and maintain a least a minimum of contact so their date doesn't think they are uninterested. If she is too busy to do even that, then she is either not interested, or not interested enough...not good for the OP I was in a similar situation with a guy who was very busy. He never explicitly asked for another date or indicated any interest in seeing me again after our fourth date. I was confused so got in touch a few times to chat a bit, and after reaching out a few times myself, I stopped because I felt that he wasn't all that into me and wasn't initiating contact the way he used too so if he was interested then it was his turn to communicate--I prefer a reciprocal relationship...and he never initiated any more communication with me again...that was almost a month ago. I assume he is not interested, or not interested enough to maintain basic contact. And that's fine, I started dating others. Maybe he is legit busy, and if that's the case he can get back in touch with me if he is free and still is interested, I might respond though it would probably be too late. But if you really want to know or at least make it clear that you are still interested, it might be a good idea to maybe sent a text to say "hey how are you, let me know when you have some free time to get together, it would be great to catch-up" and then leave the ball in her court. That way she still knows *for certain* that you are still into her...
DatingAdvise Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Reaching out make it worser. Trust me. The key here is DO Nothing! IF she is reaching out in the future. Be friendly to her, and try to facilitate a date, be direct in here. Ask her when she is free to get together. If you get a flakey response, busy or she doesn't no or a maybe date. Say to her that u not agree to a maybe date, thats not working for me, come back to me if your schedule is more open, so we can plan things in, i love to see you. Then the ball is at her side. Leave it at that and wait to hear from, if she is not calling or texting anymore, you certain know thats she is not romanticaly interest. Chasing will not work, it has to be her idea! IF you hear back from her, stand your ground for a definite date. If she not willing or unsure, say the same thing nice talking to you but i have to go (busy) keep in touch and get off the phone. Remember never ever reach out to her, act if she is dead basicly. This is the best way to get more respect or get closure. Edited March 28, 2015 by DatingAdvise
Male Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) 4 dates in 6weeks? Thas almost 1 a week. And for someone that is extremely busy that doesnt sound bad to me. Why do you need to plan a date 1 month out?? Why cant you just contact her early in the week and ask her out for the weekend? As far as her interaction with getting back to you, me personally, I would give up. I believe if a woman is interested she should show that shes interested. This isnt 1920 anymore. Women whine and cry about equal rights, about being equal, and lots of other equality issues, but they still want to hang on to the old fashioned rules of communication, which I feel is a double standard. Its about being cordial with each other. But too many women grow up with an entitled mindset that its the guys job to chase, show interest, and keep the communication going. They think if a guy doesnt chase them around it proves he wasnt all that interested to begin with. I've been interested in many women but if I'm doing 80% of the communication and chasing I kick her to the curb before things even get rolling. I just feel that, no matter how busy you get, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. Agreed 150%!!! I tell women that all the time, and they get all bent out of shape because they know I'm right. Anyone that tries to say they are "too busy" to text is lying through their teeth and has no respect for the person. Edited March 28, 2015 by Male
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks, I think she maybe playing it cool. Twice she has told me I'm distracting her. She ripped out her car phone charger while I was taking to her. I bought her a new one and the second time she need to get back to a school project. She may also have no clue what her next week looks like much less a month down the road. Still I think I need to wait on her for the next contact. 1) Buying the car charger = bad move. You're not her BF and it made you come off as nice guy trying too hard. She ripped it out so let her buy one herself. 2) Even a girl that's "busy" will have an hour or two to spare for a guy she really likes. Ex - Woman I'm seeing is up @ 5am to catch a 6:30am Cal Train. Two hr commute to work by 9am. Then isn't back home until 7:00pm or later. But despite being up early and having long days, she'll still see me @ 830 or 9pm on select days during the week. So when a woman says she's too busy, you have to be a bit persistent and press her gently. Two things will happen. One, she'll agree to a date. Some girls will test a guy in the beginning to see if he's really interested and if he's got balls to go after what he wants. Two, she'll stick to her busy story because she isn't interested. But settling for a date a month from now (that she'll most likely cancel BTW), shows her you have no other options and that you don't value your time. If she still said no after some gentle persistence, you tell her this. "I definitely like spending time with you and want to see where it goes. But I'm not going to keep the other women that take an interest on hold for a month while you figure out your schedule. So feel free to call me some other time when you're schedule opens up, and I might still want to get together." This comes off as a bit harsh. But you have to let a woman know you value your time and won't just sit around waiting on her. A guy that's busy with options, would never blindly agree to a month a date out.
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I know most people are telling you to give up, but if you really like her give it one more shot. Just one. If she doesn't respond favorably (or at all) to your last attempt, let it go. But since you started this thread by seemingly asking for the impossible a commitment to a date too far in advance, what have you got to lose by trying once more? At least you will know for sure. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I know most people are telling you to give up, but if you really like her give it one more shot. Just one. If she doesn't respond favorably (or at all) to your last attempt, let it go. But since you started this thread by seemingly asking for the impossible a commitment to a date too far in advance, what have you got to lose by trying once more? At least you will know for sure. Great minds. Just want to stress again that if you like a girl, you have to use some gentle persistence. A lot of women will throw out a "busy" objection to test a guy's strength and see if he really likes her. So that's why you push her just a bit to see if she'll agree to a date in the near future. Then if she says she's still too "busy" you give her the other women speech I mentioned above and let her get back to you.
Male Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 . So when a woman says she's too busy, you have to be a bit persistent and press her gently. Two things will happen. One, she'll agree to a date. Some girls will test a guy in the beginning to see if he's really interested and if he's got balls to go after what he wants.. Any woman that purposely "tests" guys isnt worth a date to begin with. You ask her out, and thats it. How many times to does a guy need to ask and chase her to prove he's interested?? The first time was enough proof. Women that like being chased only do it because it feeds their ego, and its also a control game for them. And the guys that chase them are the types that see it as a notch on their belt that they were able to hunt down and slay the dragon.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Any woman that purposely "tests" guys isnt worth a date to begin with. You ask her out, and thats it. How many times to does a guy need to ask and chase her to prove he's interested?? The first time was enough proof. Women that like being chased only do it because it feeds their ego, and its also a control game for them. And the guys that chase them are the types that see it as a notch on their belt that they were able to hunt down and slay the dragon. I'm trying to not be overly harsh with you. But you continue to demonstrate that you don't understand women on a basic level. Women need time to get emotionally invested in a guy. So they're genetically predisposed to be more selective. Think about it. Women are pursued constantly. If they didn't have ways to weed out the players, the flakes, or the nice/week guys, they'd never be able to keep up with the demand on their time. Just because a woman may put up some initial resistance, doesn't mean she doesn't like you. It just means that she's trying to see what you're made of. So in the beginning if she says she's too busy, you gently persist. Tease her about being an all work and no play girl. Make her qualify herself to you by letting her know that you want a woman who's fun and not a stick in the mud, etc.. It's how the male/female seduction dance is. But if she still insists on being too "busy" that's when you take the hint and back off. Let her know that even though you'd like to spend time with her, that you won't sit around keeping other women that express interest waiting, while she figures out her schedule. Then you say to call you some other time if her schedule opens up, and that you might have time to see her. Then you walk away and don't continue to chase her.
Author Evetskey Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 Thanks for all your comments. Here's the thing. I'm fifty and she's thirty five. All the long term relationships I've had in my life (few), the woman came to me. This is a first that a woman has come on to me and then it feels like she's playing hard to get. The circumstances however are very different. I'm the busiest I've ever been in my life. I'm living in two cities a 100 miles apart. Sure, we can get together in our spare time (twice btw and not much time together) when it happens but we are not in daily communication and thus in no real relationship. I agree 100% that making time should not be a problem and what's wrong with planning a month out? Is that really asking for to much of a commitment? I think she's no longer into me if she's not interested in going on a more formal date (dinner and a theater production). I don't feel like I should have to sell her on the date. She should already be sold on me.
Gary S Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I hate to tell you this, but if she won't make at least one date a week minimum with you, you'll never have a good relationship with her. A woman who is falling for you wants to see you, period.
strawberryshortstack Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I, of course, don't know her situation, but I can rarely make plans more than a few days in advance due to my work schedule not being constant. Could this be true in her case as well?
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