Karin2rinkashi Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 How many of you agree that when you say "I love you" to someone that means you are ready to put up with all there ****, and all there bull****. You are ready to walk any road with them and you are ready to burn all those back up lists (of numbers) for them. That you are ready to see them as the best, even if they are not. That you are ready to put them first, no matter what the choice. Is my definition of love too orthodox? Do i really need to update my loveware? I am losing this battle with society. I think i am too old fashioned (nice guy) and i need to change and just not give a crap, like so many people.... Just go on a rebound after every relationship to help ease the pain until i finally hit someone who will stick with me for longer.... What do you guys think?
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 A part of me says you're not entirely wrong for having those beliefs but then again the high divorce rate would beg to differ. I think most of us enter in loving relationships with great intentions but get lost along the way for one reason or another. Why do you ask? 2
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I think you have a level of idealism that is both charming and not at all conducive to your longterm mental health. I used to harbour a similar level of idealism but it's not healthy because... - Unconditional love like that is an invitation for people to take advantage of you. Very few people in the world are capable of simply respecting anothers boundaries if that person do not strongly enforce them, themselves. - Loving someone in that way and receiving a similar level of reciprocation is very hard to find because almost no-one on the planet is at a level of mental, emotional and spiritual development that would support that. Giving that kind of love and not getting it back in return will burn you out. I had to ultimately settle for loving someone to a certain extent, and that extent was when that person violated a value I could not compromise on or risked my physical wellbeing carelessly. That's when I had to respect my own boundaries over the other persons. I had to realise that this is an imperfect world filled with imperfect people who are often acting out neurosis and past hurts rather than dealing with them properly. I also had to realise that love isn't for everyone, not everyone is capable of it, not everyone really wants it. Many are happy with physical gratification alone. So it's necessary to have a stopping point at which you put yourself first, even to the detriment of the relationship. To do less is suicide and hurts you far more than the other person. 3
Redhead14 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 How many of you agree that when you say "I love you" to someone that means you are ready to put up with all there ****, and all there bull****. You are ready to walk any road with them and you are ready to burn all those back up lists (of numbers) for them. That you are ready to see them as the best, even if they are not. That you are ready to put them first, no matter what the choice. Is my definition of love too orthodox? Do i really need to update my loveware? I am losing this battle with society. I think i am too old fashioned (nice guy) and i need to change and just not give a crap, like so many people.... Just go on a rebound after every relationship to help ease the pain until i finally hit someone who will stick with me for longer.... What do you guys think? Loving someone means that you accept them for who they are -- their qualities and their flaws. That you go into the relationship knowing and understanding their flaws and are willing to deal with them on a mature, mutual level. In other words, you are fully aware of those things, and that when/if they present an issue in the relationship, they can be addressed by communicating with each other. It is not about "putting up with bull****". You don't have to put up with bull****. You communicate that you are unhappy with that particular issue and the other person is willing to make the effort to correct or at least minimize their behavior. If you love someone you go into a "relationship" with eyes-wide open. If you spend your life looking for the "Perfect" person for yourself and you think you've found that person, they won't have found the same thing.
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) A part of me says you're not entirely wrong for having those beliefs but then again the high divorce rate would beg to differ. I think most of us enter in loving relationships with great intentions but get lost along the way for one reason or another. Why do you ask? I ask because i am a 24 year old guy. I am ambitious, i am successful for my age, i have a great future, i have a great job, i have the MOST ridiculous hobbies (Skydiving and more), i have GREAT self respect for myself (though i compromised it during my first break up recently. didn't know better!). I am more than a decent individual, i am good looking (every girl says that), i am a charmer (most girls say that), i am unique , a good catch.... THEY ALL SAY ALL THOSE THINGS..... and i KNOW i am all of those things even if they DIDN'T say it (call it narcissism if you want to). Yet, i am NOT a player.... i don't believe in games. I like to trust in people i choose on my side. Because my criteria is VERY high and not everyone fits it. Girls turn me on in weeks, and they can turn me off in the blink of an eye if she makes the wrong move..... I don't talk to just anyone... i DON'T have the time. I work 8-5, i volunteer for American Red Cross over the weekends, i am learning keyboard, i am a beginner skydiver... The point being, i DON'T have time for games.... I DON'T..... But ALL I SEE around me are games..... The problem is NOT attracting girls... i can sit down with any girl and get her number in 30 mins.... but what after that??? I CAN'T find anyone who actually want to commit.... I like commitment.. i don't believe in plan Bs. As long as plan A has a breadth of life in it... When i decide that someone is my GF, not force in the world can change my mind about it (except for that girl herself).... I don't look at other girls after that. That sense of being attracted to others kinds just shuts off.... because i like being faithful to the person i chose to be on my side. I am a keeper, in short! But i feel like, i have ALL the right qualities to be a player.... Think about it.... i can just say "**** it!" and then my heart will never broken again because i will be the one breaking other hearts.... SO easy!!!! And i know i can change... i have great resolve and commitment. I can do ANYTHING, or at least give it my bloody best... Why be the nice guy? They don't even finish nowadays... forget about being last.... Yes, i am very frustrated.... Where did all the keepers go? have some god damn commitment.... Edited March 30, 2015 by Karin2rinkashi
DoesntGetIt Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 It can be tough to find someone who wants to commit, especially in the early and mid 20s as there is just so much to life in those years. I'm 33 and it is still tough. They are out there though. You just have to wade through some **** to find them. I actually prefer relationships to dating myself. After my marriage ended I've been looking for a relationship. Getting dates is easy. Even getting sex is easy. Dating multiple women at once is also easy (although annoying and I've realized that it isn't my thing). But finding one that wants to actually become serious without a bunch of bull**** games first is tough. Had one start to get serious, and her reason for flipping out was "it was getting too serious" so yeah... I too prefer to focus on just one at a time, which many will say is wrong. So right now I have gone on a few dates with someone who I think is wonderful and beautiful. I'm willing to take the chance and focus on just her, and if it doesn't end up working out then it is back to the races. Keep on with it and don't get too down. It can suck, it can be frustrating, but when you do find the one it will be amazing and will have all been worth it. I will also say the nice guy thing does work, if you aren't a pushover. As the relationships/dating I've had recently have all commented on me being nice and or being a good guy. Just need the right amount of confidence and relaxed attitude to go with it. As the current woman said to me on our last date (on top of also saying how good of a guy I was) "You're nice, but not in the 'aww he's nice' way. I can tell you aren't a pushover." By that she pretty much confirmed what some nice guys see. If you are "just nice" or let yourself be pushed around by your niceness, it is a turnoff. You can be nice, strong, confident, and then it works.
Woggle Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I believe in being loyal as long as I am treated right. That is the one place you should draw a line. If they give you grief they don't really love you anyway.
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 It can be tough to find someone who wants to commit, especially in the early and mid 20s as there is just so much to life in those years. I'm 33 and it is still tough. They are out there though. You just have to wade through some **** to find them. I actually prefer relationships to dating myself. After my marriage ended I've been looking for a relationship. Getting dates is easy. Even getting sex is easy. Dating multiple women at once is also easy (although annoying and I've realized that it isn't my thing). But finding one that wants to actually become serious without a bunch of bull**** games first is tough. Had one start to get serious, and her reason for flipping out was "it was getting too serious" so yeah... I too prefer to focus on just one at a time, which many will say is wrong. So right now I have gone on a few dates with someone who I think is wonderful and beautiful. I'm willing to take the chance and focus on just her, and if it doesn't end up working out then it is back to the races. Keep on with it and don't get too down. It can suck, it can be frustrating, but when you do find the one it will be amazing and will have all been worth it. I will also say the nice guy thing does work, if you aren't a pushover. As the relationships/dating I've had recently have all commented on me being nice and or being a good guy. Just need the right amount of confidence and relaxed attitude to go with it. As the current woman said to me on our last date (on top of also saying how good of a guy I was) "You're nice, but not in the 'aww he's nice' way. I can tell you aren't a pushover." By that she pretty much confirmed what some nice guys see. If you are "just nice" or let yourself be pushed around by your niceness, it is a turnoff. You can be nice, strong, confident, and then it works. I have my limits, and most women know what they are.... and i know when to say no and i know when to say yes. But see the biggest problem i face is that i DON'T have time for micromanaging... She can do WHATEVER she wants to through out her week and i do mine. I trust her and i hope she isn't fooling around. I mean, i dont have the time to keep tabs. I don't want to know where she was, unless she would like to share. I will tell her where i was if she asks. And if she doesn't like where i was, well i will still be there the next day. I don't sacrifice my goals, my moments, my life for ANYONE. But at the same time, when i am with her then i am with her. She will have my full attention and my full love. I will treat her nicely and give her my heart. But i can take it away too, if times call for it.... I don't NEED you, i WANT you. I know that i can go and find someone better right this moment. But REMEMBER? We said "I love you" a few months ago? That means, i will do everything i can to make it work... Or you can do the complete opposite and call it off on the FIRST sight of trouble... ****ing ridiculous...
DoesntGetIt Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I have my limits, and most women know what they are.... and i know when to say no and i know when to say yes. But see the biggest problem i face is that i DON'T have time for micromanaging... She can do WHATEVER she wants to through out her week and i do mine. I trust her and i hope she isn't fooling around. I mean, i dont have the time to keep tabs. I don't want to know where she was, unless she would like to share. I will tell her where i was if she asks. And if she doesn't like where i was, well i will still be there the next day. I don't sacrifice my goals, my moments, my life for ANYONE. But at the same time, when i am with her then i am with her. She will have my full attention and my full love. I will treat her nicely and give her my heart. But i can take it away too, if times call for it.... I don't NEED you, i WANT you. I know that i can go and find someone better right this moment. But REMEMBER? We said "I love you" a few months ago? That means, i will do everything i can to make it work... Or you can do the complete opposite and call it off on the FIRST sight of trouble... ****ing ridiculous... There is clearly a major part of this situation that the rest of us don't know about. Interested in sharing it?
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 There is clearly a major part of this situation that the rest of us don't know about. Interested in sharing it? Was dating a girl, got serious. She moved, i didn't keep enough tabs on her. Ended up finding a guy and destroying the relationship. If i had kept tabs on her, called her everyday, text her every minute, maybe then we would still be together. But i was busy with my life and i thought she will be needing her freedom to enjoy her new city. I didn't know she would start enjoying new guys. The point being.... my attraction to girls was turned off at that point. Because i KNEW i have a girlfriend. On the other hand, she was the opposite. She was the one who said i love you first, and was all over me through out. But once i was out of sight, i was out of mind. Just because it is easy to be with someone because they are in the same city does not mean you should just ditch your investments... It wasn't even a lost cause. I could have moved, could have made it work. But no! And she can with that chump for all i care... I am just disappointed at whatever the **** is going on with this society and the volatile nature of humans. People change their minds so easily... It is scary. of course it is easy to love when you are sitting next to the person. The real test is when you are far away, and it is difficult.... FAIL!
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Was dating a girl, got serious. She moved, i didn't keep enough tabs on her. Ended up finding a guy and destroying the relationship. If i had kept tabs on her, called her everyday, text her every minute, maybe then we would still be together. But i was busy with my life and i thought she will be needing her freedom to enjoy her new city. I didn't know she would start enjoying new guys. The point being.... my attraction to girls was turned off at that point. Because i KNEW i have a girlfriend. On the other hand, she was the opposite. She was the one who said i love you first, and was all over me through out. But once i was out of sight, i was out of mind. Just because it is easy to be with someone because they are in the same city does not mean you should just ditch your investments... It wasn't even a lost cause. I could have moved, could have made it work. But no! And she can with that chump for all i care... I am just disappointed at whatever the **** is going on with this society and the volatile nature of humans. People change their minds so easily... It is scary. of course it is easy to love when you are sitting next to the person. The real test is when you are far away, and it is difficult.... FAIL! I don't know but this kind of says it all for me. If you were supposedly in love with this girl and she moved to another city, why the hell didn't you make more of an effort to keep in touch? Women want to feel needed. Did you discuss how you were going to navigate your relationship LD? If not, that was your first mistake. Yes, LDR are much more challenging to maintain but they are NOT impossible. It requires very serious conversations about how you're going to keep your relationship alive and institute daily and/or weekly rituals like calling every night if only to say goodnight, Skyping every Friday night, etc. And it requires effort on BOTH of your parts in order to make it work. If complacency is the death of relationships with people living in the same house, it's certainly not going to work long distance. The other point I want to make regarding your frustrations with the women you're meeting and their lack of commitment is that a lot of it may be due to their age. You're still in your early twenties. I personally think it's great that you seem to have it all together AND serious about a committed relationship but my experience dealing with many twenty-something women in particular, is that they are no way near ready for the same things you want. Many of them are still very immature at this age and haven't gotten their partying out of their system yet. Of course you already know this hence the thread. I hate to say it but I think YOU are the one that is the anomaly here, not the girls. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing! Again, I think it's great that you're one of those that knows what he wants and goes after it but if a serious relationship is what you want then maybe you need to think about dating women a bit older (26-29). Just my two cents 1
Hopeful30 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I don't think so. When you love someone it just means you love them, doesn't mean you won't walk away if the relationship is having difficulties. Most of us have left partners despite still loving them. Love is just an emotion, that's it. It doesn't dictate much else. Just look at how many people cheat on partners they love.
Hopeful30 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 The other point I want to make regarding your frustrations with the women you're meeting and their lack of commitment is that a lot of it may be due to their age. You're still in your early twenties. I personally think it's great that you seem to have it all together AND serious about a committed relationship but my experience dealing with many twenty-something women in particular, is that they are no way near ready for the same things you want. Many of them are still very immature at this age and haven't gotten their partying out of their system yet. Of course you already know this hence the thread. I hate to say it but I think YOU are the one that is the anomaly here, not the girls. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing! Again, I think it's great that you're one of those that knows what he wants and goes after it but if a serious relationship is what you want then maybe you need to think about dating women a bit older (26-29). That's hard though. It's what I look for too but only find men who are married, taken or have kids. It really sucks because lots of times when you want to date older, there's tons of baggage. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, but if you're someone who is still "fresh" for lack of a better word, it becomes very hard to date the older you get, especially if you want a serious relationship but don't want to get involved with someone who has already started a separate life (a.k.a they are divorced and have tons of real estate and legalities to take care of, or they already have kids etc.)
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I I like to trust in people i choose on my side. Because my criteria is VERY high and not everyone fits it. Girls turn me on in weeks, and they can turn me off in the blink of an eye if she makes the wrong move..... I don't talk to just anyone... i DON'T have the time. I work 8-5, i volunteer for American Red Cross over the weekends, i am learning keyboard, i am a beginner skydiver... The point being, i DON'T have time for games.... I DON'T..... But ALL I SEE around me are games..... The problem is NOT attracting girls... i can sit down with any girl and get her number in 30 mins.... but what after that??? I CAN'T find anyone who actually want to commit.... But by your own admission she can turn you off "in the blink of an eye" and that is maybe the vibe you are giving off, and why girls won't commit because they do not feel safe with you. They probably feel they are about to be dumped by you at any time. You may know that you will not leave "in the blink of an eye", but how does a girl know that when you give her a huge amount of space and have so many things going on in your life that you will not compromise over. I guess she feels she is way down your list of priorities and who then wants to commit to such a guy?
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 But by your own admission she can turn you off "in the blink of an eye" and that is maybe the vibe you are giving off, and why girls won't commit because they do not feel safe with you. They probably feel they are about to be dumped by you at any time. You may know that you will not leave "in the blink of an eye", but how does a girl know that when you give her a huge amount of space and have so many things going on in your life that you will not compromise over. I guess she feels she is way down your list of priorities and who then wants to commit to such a guy? But i show you that i am committed during the time that i DO spend with you. i treat you like an absolute princess. I take you to places, i introduce you to my family, i am ALWAYS there for you. I wake up at 5 am to get you from the airport EVERY TIME you travel back from home. I am always 5 mins early to pick you up so you never have to wait. I stay with you the WHOLE time if your flight is delayed. I keep you close to me. While the worlds thinks i am this stuck up, narcissistic individual, but i let you see my real side. I even surprise you by how mellow i can be and it almost melts you. And yes, i still keep you down the list in priorities, because i have to build a life. I have to be that strong individual that you fell in love with. If i compromise my life goals for you, what respect will you have left for me? And same for you..... But when it comes to making choices between taking sides... it will ALWAYS BE YOU, YOU, and only YOU! And i even prove it on many occasions. I am trying to balance it out, but i don't like to lose my identity...
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) I don't know but this kind of says it all for me. If you were supposedly in love with this girl and she moved to another city, why the hell didn't you make more of an effort to keep in touch? Women want to feel needed. Did you discuss how you were going to navigate your relationship LD? If not, that was your first mistake. Yes, LDR are much more challenging to maintain but they are NOT impossible. It requires very serious conversations about how you're going to keep your relationship alive and institute daily and/or weekly rituals like calling every night if only to say goodnight, Skyping every Friday night, etc. And it requires effort on BOTH of your parts in order to make it work. If complacency is the death of relationships with people living in the same house, it's certainly not going to work long distance. The other point I want to make regarding your frustrations with the women you're meeting and their lack of commitment is that a lot of it may be due to their age. You're still in your early twenties. I personally think it's great that you seem to have it all together AND serious about a committed relationship but my experience dealing with many twenty-something women in particular, is that they are no way near ready for the same things you want. Many of them are still very immature at this age and haven't gotten their partying out of their system yet. Of course you already know this hence the thread. I hate to say it but I think YOU are the one that is the anomaly here, not the girls. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing! Again, I think it's great that you're one of those that knows what he wants and goes after it but if a serious relationship is what you want then maybe you need to think about dating women a bit older (26-29). Just my two cents I LOOK 19!!!! I know that it is me.... i already know it.... But it seems that i am being punished for learning my life lessons too early.... sigh And dating women who are older.... well, that is a WHOLE another can of worms. And you are right about the partying stuff.... That was the big thing that led to us being apart. She said she wants to live the life, she feels guilty when she does all that while me being on her mind.... I told her... listen, finish your degree that you are paying for with every penny.... In 2 years, you will be done with you Masters and i will be starting my MBA in Berkeley or some high end school and then you can move there with me.... This is a perfect plan. We can be the POWER COUPLE. Who cares about partying? Life is about achieving your goals, being someone great, doing amazing things, being successful. How come you wana give up this POWER COUPLE that we can be for a year and half of partying??? We can be THE COUPLE! How many couples are so highly educated? We can literally rip this world apart and turn it into whatever the hell we want... But i guess i'll be doing it by myself.... I mean, i am fine. She can be with whoever the hell she wants to be with. I don't want someone like her who is so short sighted. For me, it is ALL LONG TERM! Success is a path you walk, not a destination... always LONG TERM!!!! Too much to ask? Edited March 30, 2015 by Karin2rinkashi 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) I LOOK 19!!!! I know that it is me.... i already know it.... But it seems that i am being punished for learning my life lessons too early.... sigh And dating women who are older.... well, that is a WHOLE another can of worms. And you are right about the partying stuff.... That was the big thing that led to us being apart. She said she wants to live the life, she feels guilty when she does all that while me being on her mind.... I told her... listen, finish your degree that you are paying for with every penny.... In 2 years, you will be done with you Masters and i will be starting my MBA in Berkeley or some high end school and then you can move there with me.... This is a perfect plan. We can be the POWER COUPLE. Who cares about partying? Life is about achieving your goals, being someone great, doing amazing things, being successful. How come you wana give up this POWER COUPLE that we can be for a year and half of partying??? We can be THE COUPLE! How many couples are so highly educated? We can literally rip this world apart and turn it into whatever the hell we want... But i guess i'll be doing it by myself.... I mean, i am fine. She can be with whoever the hell she wants to be with. I don't want someone like her who is so short sighted. For me, it is ALL LONG TERM! Success is a path you walk, not a destination... always LONG TERM!!!! Too much to ask? Nothing wrong with having goals BUT you need to remember to live in the moment! You have your WHOLE life to make plans and achieve and strive but if you're not enjoying the everyday, you're missing out BIG time. I was like you at 19! I had very long term goals and was very mature for my age compared to most of my friends. I was anxious to meet someone who had similar aspirations so we could hit the ground running together. And I found that in my ex husband who 4 years older than me. BUT...what i realized was that I spent so much of my life looking ahead that I didn't appreciate the now. I sometimes feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences as a result. Perhaps it might explain my arrested development when I found myself 40 and divorced Again, just my two cents. And again, I think it's great that you have long term vision and focus and drive but don't let that be so important that you forget to enjoy every moment you have leading up to then Edited March 30, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 That's hard though. It's what I look for too but only find men who are married, taken or have kids. It really sucks because lots of times when you want to date older, there's tons of baggage. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, but if you're someone who is still "fresh" for lack of a better word, it becomes very hard to date the older you get, especially if you want a serious relationship but don't want to get involved with someone who has already started a separate life (a.k.a they are divorced and have tons of real estate and legalities to take care of, or they already have kids etc.) Not to hijack this post but I want to say that not all older men and women come with baggage or as much baggage as you think. Sometimes having some experiences in their suitcase helps them be a better partner if they're willing to learn the lessons from their past relationships. I know it has with me. Having been there and done that, it helps me focus on the things I really want and while I leave behind the things I no longer will tolerate. Doesn't that sound better than someone that has no idea what they want to begin with? I realize not every "older" person comes with this much clarity but many do and I think you're under estimating them. And just like weeding through all the young chickens to find that one that will sit and lay eggs with you, so will you have to weed through the used and abused options as well Every person is individual and you have to remain open to all possibilities rather than paint everyone with the same pain brush. 1
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 Nothing wrong with having goals BUT you need to remember to live in the moment! You have your WHOLE life to make plans and achieve and strive but if you're not enjoying the everyday, you're missing out BIG time. I was like you at 19! I had very long term goals and was very mature for my age compared to most of my friends. I was anxious to meet someone who had similar aspirations so we could hit the ground running together. And I found that in my ex husband who 4 years older than me. BUT...what i realized was that I spent so much of my life looking ahead that I didn't appreciate the now. I sometimes feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences as a result. Perhaps it might explain my arrested development when I found myself 40 and divorced Again, just my two cents. And again, I think it's great that you have long term vision and focus and drive but don't let that be so important that you forget to enjoy every moment you have leading up to then I like the way you understand what i am saying.... See, the point is that i know that not EVERYTHING i am saying is right. But most of the time the girls with me will lose me half way through my conversation.... I want someone who can tell me when i am wrong because that tells me that at least they were able to understand most of what i said. And, you are right about living in the moment. And it is not even about that she wasn't happy. She was in a relationship 2 weeks later. When that happened, i realized the real problems. Through out the break up process she kept using her studies, tuition stresses, anxiety as an excuse. When it was something completely different... tch tch.... Blindsided! You look beautiful, maybe we can date.... To hell with the 20-somethings.... What a mess! lol 1
Mrin Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Sounds like she wasn't the girl for you. It sucks but you have to move on. I think there are far more women in your age range that want a commitment than men. Use that to your advantage. Now, a thought for you to try on. Don't view an exclusive committed relationship as worth anything more than the paper it is printed on. After learning the hard way, the word of advice I will give you is to view any relationship of any kind as something that has to be earned each and every day. You wake up and say "I choose you" and she has to do the same or you know what, you have no relationship. I find I choose you to be far more important than I love you. Last word of advice and then I'll shut up. Rather than focusing on the acts you perform on her behalf or even how you treat her as a measure of your success, focus instead on how you make her feel. In the end it all comes down to that. If you make her feel better with you than apart from you, she will choose you. Perhaps read up on the Love Languages and have that conversation with Ms. Next. You make her feel amazing about herself and well, there you go. Okay, I'm done. Cheer up old man ;-) 1
preraph Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Since getting to know someone is not a one-time thing and takes years to find out everything, and since also people change some on their own and some from being with somebody, you can never just say, Okay, I 100% know you and I'm all in. You might LOVE them despite something you can live with. A person might become an alcoholic and you don't want to live with them anymore. You might find out a person is abusive to you kids and not be able to live with them anymore You may love them nonetheless, but no, that doesn't mean you should enable them to do a behavior that is harmful to themselves or others. You may find out someone is so insecure they are constantly jealous and suspicious because of the own insecurities and you may not be able to stand to live with that. Someone may become a shopping or gambling addict and you can't afford to stay with them. So yes, you may love someone forever, but no, you shouldn't live with them if they are out of control.
Hawaii51 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Most people don't even love themselves, or know what that means. Let alone know the difference between what they need in life versus what they want out of it.
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 You guys are correct.... and that does not mean that i am going to completely flip my theory of love and commitment. I am just stubborn like that.... But i will definitely keep these things in mind.... But recently, i can't even find a face that attracts me... honestly Yes, they are pretty but most them don't know how to carry themselves. And whatever the hell happened to dresses. I love dresses, and mini skirts over some jeans.... Where did all the rainbows and unicorns go? For how advanced i am in my thinking, i love the girly girls... They are so damn cute!
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