NightEchos Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Hey fellow LS members, I just wanna share something with you guys. Quick recap on my past 1 month ago my g/f of 3 1/2 years broke up with me. She said she needed space, she strung me along, I got dragged through the mud. I thought my whole life was over. That nothing would ever be better. My school suffered (2nd year business major) I couldn't get her out of my mind. Sure I begged and pleaded for her. I did everything that the "rules" say you shouldn't. I thought everything was my fault, listened to sappy music, put my life on hold. She didn't respond...she got distant she didn't wanna be with me. Well as many of you know, we are all mostly dumpees here. I wanna propose something. They left us, ya it sucks, life can suck. But I challenge you all to start a new train of thought. Start to realize that you are the best person you can be...and if thts not good enough, who needs them. Everyone on here seems like such good people. I want you all to realize that they(the ones who left) are leaving the best person they could have. Feel good. Unplug your phone, hang with friends(this is tough at first) take a new hobby .....I'm learning to play drums. You know what I'm only a month and a half in. But I was faithful to her, was the best person I could be...if thats not good enough so people. The most successful people in the world make mistakes, they fall and crash.....The difference is they pick themselves up and improve and try again. We all have it in us to do, I know whether you are 50 and divorced or 16 and in high school....and all in between. I have faith in all of us, we make mistakes, we may have done nothing wrong. We are human. Turns out she cheated on me, that she broke the trust, that she was everything she accused me of. And you know what? She didn't even tell me. Was that someone who I believe was my true love. Nope. Hurt like hell, and I went running back to her. Haha, guys life is to short, and at the end we are only racing against ourselves (or some other cliche) I love you all and remember life is good, and someone, somewhere, cares about you right now:) P.S. For anyone dumped by the girl they loved I recommened the band taking back sunday. (sorry ladies, gotta show the boys .
Fallen_Angel Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Thanks Night. Your words are very inspiring. I know I may not have been perfect, but I have to keep reminding myself I did the best I could. In fact my ex even said he couldn't imagine finding someone who would treat him better than I did. One of my problems with our breakup is that our relationship didn't end on an acrimonious note, so to speak. Yes, he ended it, but he said he was doing this for ME - he still loves me, but doesn't want me to wait around for him. As upset as I am, as angry as I am about the situation, I'm not specifically angry at HIM. Sigh. Regardless of how it ended, though, it still hurts like hell. I am trying to change my mindset. It's so easy to allow myself to be swept up in memories and what ifs, but in reality I have to move past this. Someday I'll look back and see I've gained valuable experience. I'm glad you were able to share your insights with us!
Isabella82 Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Originally posted by NightEchos that she broke the trust, that she was everything she accused me of. That is the samething that happened to me. That will definately be a red flag in my future relationships. I'm glad you sound like you are doing so good after only a month and a half
norcaldivr Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Hey NightEcho, Your way of looking at things is right on. I think it is a natural reaction for folks, maybe us guys in particular, to do al those things they say not to which of course drives the person away further. It also is amaing how feelings can change in the dumpers mind when you all of a sudden realize you don't need them and that you are doing well, maybe even better, without them. I guarantee this gives them some second thoughts though those thoughts may not rise to the level of wanting you back. No matter. By being the best person you can be you are in a much better space no matter what happens. I have experienced this before. When dumped by an long time love I did everything you shouldn't do to no avail. My pleas fell on deaf and uncaring ears. Finally I moved on and started dating. I then met someone that I really liked and was with this person for almost a year during which time the ex practicly begged me to come back. I am in a similar situation with a person I foolishly let go. She moved on and rightfully so. I cannot blame her a bit and have no ill will toward her. I was however tring to get her back, doing all the wrong things etc. All of a sudden I met a wonderful person. Last night we realized how much we like each other and things really clicked. At this moment in time I am not sure if I even want the one I let go. If things progress then I probably won't. So good things happen when we pick ourselves off the ground, dust ourselves off, and move forward determined to make our lives the best they can be. John
cubbbb Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Well as many of you know, we are all mostly dumpees here. Maybe, most but not all ! I am the dumper, and I feel like a lowlife for doing what HAD to be done. We have been on and off again about 6 different times. We were emotionally killing eachother even though we love eachother. I know this is for the best, but WOW it sure does hurt. I love her immensly, but couldn't no longer stand to even be in the same room as her. Anyone understand what I mean? Part of me wants to reconcile so bad just to hold her in my arms again, but I know that I will soon after regret it (After 6 breakups and being the dumpEE several times you get to know the routine). After reading these boards I decided that I was going to stop the begging, and pleading for her to change. Ever since I decided to try and move on she has SUDDENLY decided that she wants me now and wants to work things out. The minute I no longer seemed "needy" to her, she suddenly has had a change of heart and WANTS ME! Its very hard to know if she if finally sincere or not I'm very afraid that if I get weak and go back to her, I will be back at square one again. I'm finally worn out with this relationship, but I can't seem to let go, and I was the one who ended the relationship this time. I'm emotionally spent. My tank is on empty. Yet, I still want her.. UGH.. I'm so freaking confused. lol I'm just a glutton for punishment maybe.
NightEchos Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Hey all, you know what? The thing is we are all totally from different backgrounds, but we all came here with a common goal. You know what I tried doing NC, and it may be right for some people in some situations. For me I think I threw her for a total loop. I sent her an e-mail that said basically: Hey you know what I do just wanna be your friend, i wanna learn who you are as a friend. No more relationship talk. Let's just be friends, but please don't think you can tell me about any boyfriends:) If she doesn't want that fine. O wanna be the bigger person and just let her know, that I do wanna be friends. Balls in her court. Otherwise, I just keep telling myself I made mistakes, but nothing no one else does. Who knows guys and girls, in the end I really would like to be her friend, and when they think about you do you want them to say, what a jerk or say hey this person actually wants to give me what I want. It will be tough, but people be honest, I'm guessing 95% of the problems on here are that you took for granted, fell into routine, became boring. Make your ex your friend, steal the thunder they have to hate you, and whenever you talk make it sound like you just made a million bucks. It's tough. But if you can't show that person you are willing to be there friend there is no hope is there? Just establish clear boundries...like no relationship talk and that you really have no desire to hear about there love life. I know I don't ask my guy/girl friends deep questins about there relationships. If they talk to be great...i don't probe them. Remember keep with the philosaphy...they lost the best person they could have. Be the bigger person and call them on "being friends" -Jay
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