spiderowl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Plus SMG, maybe this will help you see the POV better. You've already done your due-dlligence with the emails online. So when a woman gives you her number, she is essentially saying "Get in touch to ask me out." There is nothing else left you have to do to prove yourself to her. So this need you feel to have a two hour call, followed by texts, and a second phone call, etc is a waste of time in all honesty. The fact that she gave you her number, means she ALREADY WANTS TO MEET YOU. Plus, what I said before still rings true about building expectations. Remember how you said "Our phone chemistry was so good, I thought for sure we'd hit it off in person". When you get too invested in a woman you've never even spent time with, this is what happens. A person will never live up to the expectations you create in your mind. So that's why you judge who a person is on who they are on the date when you interact with them. I think this is good advice in some respects but I don't agree with you on length of phone calls. A woman giving out her number is indicating she'd like to chat and find out more about you. It does not mean she wants to meet at that point. A phone conversation can make all the difference. If you enjoy chatting for a long time, why not? As long as both are happy, it's fine. I have chatted over the phone for a fair time with all the guys I finally decided to meet. I did not give out my number to ones I would not meet ever. Talking on the phone helps me to decide whether I feel comfortable with him or not. If a guy was very brief on the phone, it would put me off as I'd feel he couldn't be bothered. 10 -20 minutes is OK but a woman is looking for a more in-depth communicator ultimately, so if communication generally stays at the 'let's get on with things' level rather than getting to know each other properly, I think many women would lose interest. 2
wb1988 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) It's not like I ask what company she works or her address just what part of the city she is in and it seems to be a problem OLD gives you an idea where the person is anyway, so asking what part of town is almost like asking for an address which can come off as creepy. Even as a 26 yo male when I make small talk with someone and then suddenly he asks where I work or "what part of town" I live then I stall and end up lying. Every time later on I realize that it was just small talk and I shouldn't be paranoid but I still do it all the time. But it's fine for a woman to ask me WHERE I WORK right? lol It is a double standard, but rather than fight it (like uhh build up hate like feminists do) I'd just make yourself aware that the rules are different for different people. Yep, 10yrs chained up in a basement happens often enough to be a concern for most women. it takes only 1 event for millions to feel through media. I read somewhere that human beings are only designed to have around 180-200 friends max (you can only have like 30 close friends at any given time right?) and live in small tribes. Media causes to think irrationally based on the events of others that we couldn't be aware of otherwise and also shouldn't either. It's funny how there are so many people that have no issues with disclosing everything about them including pictures, relationships, interests and etc to the public via facebook/instagram but suddenly have a problem to give info (probably what they already revealed on a public profile) to a single specific stranger. Edited March 29, 2015 by wb1988
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 OP I've asked this question on Match and I always get an answer usually. But I don't ask in my first message.
Author smg15 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 I think this is good advice in some respects but I don't agree with you on length of phone calls. A woman giving out her number is indicating she'd like to chat and find out more about you. It does not mean she wants to meet at that point. A phone conversation can make all the difference. If you enjoy chatting for a long time, why not? As long as both are happy, it's fine. I have chatted over the phone for a fair time with all the guys I finally decided to meet. I did not give out my number to ones I would not meet ever. Talking on the phone helps me to decide whether I feel comfortable with him or not. If a guy was very brief on the phone, it would put me off as I'd feel he couldn't be bothered. 10 -20 minutes is OK but a woman is looking for a more in-depth communicator ultimately, so if communication generally stays at the 'let's get on with things' level rather than getting to know each other properly, I think many women would lose interest. Thank you for your beautiful post
edgygirl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 The craigslist killer also looked pretty legit... he was in med school, going to get married... good looking. http://www.biography.com/people/philip-markoff-438836 All a woman needs to do is chat with me for 30 mins and she knows I am legit 1
edgygirl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) Depends on the woman. I like to connect on a deeper level in general, so before agreeing on going on a date I try to check first if there's any emotional/intellectual chemistry. I never agree to meet after 1 online message, 1 email or 1 text. The guy has to show me he has a brain and is an interesting person before we meet. Your tactic of trying to lock down a date the fastest possible wouldn't work on me. I actually straight out don't answer guys who push for meeting before I even know a little more about them or they build some rapport with me. A two hour phone call? Seriously?! Men should always act like a woman's lover and not one of her gal pals. A guy that's busy and successful with his life, women, etc is not going to have time to spend two hours on the phone. I know it seems counter-intuitive. But by making yourself so available and eager to talk, you're killing her attraction before it even has a chance to build. The phone is not supposed to be used to get to know a woman. It's for touching base and logistics. You call her, talk for 10-20 mins to get a basic sense, and ask when she's free. You make plans, and get to know her in person. All of this chatting before you even meet a woman is what's hurting you over and over and over again. Edited March 29, 2015 by edgygirl 3
Author smg15 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 Depends on the woman. I like to connect on a deeper level in general, so before agreeing on going on a date I try to check first if there's any emotional/intellectual chemistry. I never agree to meet after 1 online message, 1 email or 1 text. The guy has to show me he has a brain and is an interesting person before we meet. Your tactic of trying to lock down a date the fastest possible wouldn't work on me. I actually straight out don't answer guys who push for meeting before I even know a little more about them or they build some rapport with me. Exactly, he/she doesn't understand that the purpose of the phone convo is to determine if you want to meet. You know how many times I ended a phone conversation after 20 mins because their conversation sucked? 1
edgygirl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I understand his point, I think there are two kinds of dating styles / men. From my experience there are guys who prefer to cut to the chase and just book a date. I bet it works with some women. It doesn't work with me. I need to feel connection to the person. If I accepted all dates people call me to I'd have at least one or two dates per day. I don't have the energy or interest in meeting dozens of guys. I've been online too long and I prefer to pick who I go on a date with. Exactly, he/she doesn't understand that the purpose of the phone convo is to determine if you want to meet. You know how many times I ended a phone conversation after 20 mins because their conversation sucked? 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) I think this is good advice in some respects but I don't agree with you on length of phone calls. A woman giving out her number is indicating she'd like to chat and find out more about you. It does not mean she wants to meet at that point. A phone conversation can make all the difference. If you enjoy chatting for a long time, why not? As long as both are happy, it's fine. I have chatted over the phone for a fair time with all the guys I finally decided to meet. I did not give out my number to ones I would not meet ever. Talking on the phone helps me to decide whether I feel comfortable with him or not. If a guy was very brief on the phone, it would put me off as I'd feel he couldn't be bothered. 10 -20 minutes is OK but a woman is looking for a more in-depth communicator ultimately, so if communication generally stays at the 'let's get on with things' level rather than getting to know each other properly, I think many women would lose interest. The in-depth communication happens IN PERSON. Personally, I will know if I like her personality on a basic level within 10-15 minutes of talking to her. The problem with online "meeting" is people want to interview and get "to know" someone before they get together. But the whole point of human interaction, is to get to know each other when you actually interact. Texts and even phone calls to an extent with someone you don't know is really just an illusion until you spend time with them. The main problem with chatting too much before you meet, is expectations are developed. You develop a picture in your mind of who you expect the person to be. That's why SMG had such an awkward first meet/date not too long ago. He got super invested in all the phone calls, only to come to realize that she was nothing like he pictured she would be in person. If you touch base just long enough to feel the person out and make plans, then you're basing your opinion on who the person actually is. Nobody will ever live up to the picture you've created in your mind. Longer phone calls, etc can come after you're already seeing someone and more invested. Edited March 29, 2015 by fitnessfan365
edgygirl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I agree with the below. But a week texting here and there to see if there seems to be chemistry and maybe one phone call don't hurt. The main problem with chatting too much before you meet, is expectations are developed. You develop a picture in your mind of who you expect the person to be. Nobody will ever live up to the picture you've created in your mind. 1
spiderowl Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 The in-depth communication happens IN PERSON. Personally, I will know if I like her personality on a basic level within 10-15 minutes of talking to her. The problem with online "meeting" is people want to interview and get "to know" someone before they get together. But the whole point of human interaction, is to get to know each other when you actually interact. Texts and even phone calls to an extent with someone you don't know is really just an illusion until you spend time with them. The main problem with chatting too much before you meet, is expectations are developed. You develop a picture in your mind of who you expect the person to be. That's why SMG had such an awkward first meet/date not too long ago. He got super invested in all the phone calls, only to come to realize that she was nothing like he pictured she would be in person. If you touch base just long enough to feel the person out and make plans, then you're basing your opinion on who the person actually is. Nobody will ever live up to the picture you've created in your mind. Longer phone calls, etc can come after you're already seeing someone and more invested. I agree that it doesn't help to get an impression of what the person might look like in person or how they would behave in person and that chemistry really matters then. However, it does help to find out if you like his voice, his manners, his humour. I do think one has to be wary of investing too much emotionally when making phone calls though as you could meet and then find that the body language and chemistry just isn't the same in person.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I agree that it doesn't help to get an impression of what the person might look like in person or how they would behave in person and that chemistry really matters then. However, it does help to find out if you like his voice, his manners, his humour. I do think one has to be wary of investing too much emotionally when making phone calls though as you could meet and then find that the body language and chemistry just isn't the same in person. Oh I completely agree with you there. That's why I prefer not to meet without taking on the phone first. The only exception I make to this, is if I've scheduled a time to talk with her, I call, leave a voice mail, and she texts back. At that point, I just cut to the chase and make plans. But my point is that you can get a basic sense of humor and personality in 10-20 minutes on the phone. You don't need to have a two hour gab session. The in-depth getting to know you conversations should happen in person. That's all I'm saying.
Author smg15 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 I agree that it doesn't help to get an impression of what the person might look like in person or how they would behave in person and that chemistry really matters then. However, it does help to find out if you like his voice, his manners, his humour. I do think one has to be wary of investing too much emotionally when making phone calls though as you could meet and then find that the body language and chemistry just isn't the same in person. Which is why I will only have one more phone conversation before Next saturday.
Auspecial Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 smg15, I really think you should tell women you meet straight up, that you don't want to date women who live in (whatever area you don't like.) This way both of you will not waste time. Obviously this is a deal breaker for you, so just go ahead and put it out there from the start. Don't ask them where they live, because its an inappropriate question that early getting to know someone. Just tell them you don't date people from (xyz) part of town.
Author smg15 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 smg15, I really think you should tell women you meet straight up, that you don't want to date women who live in (whatever area you don't like.) This way both of you will not waste time. Obviously this is a deal breaker for you, so just go ahead and put it out there from the start. Don't ask them where they live, because its an inappropriate question that early getting to know someone. Just tell them you don't date people from (xyz) part of town. Yeah you maybe right, I will wait until the phone conversation
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 A two hour phone call? Seriously?! Men should always act like a woman's lover and not one of her gal pals. A guy that's busy and successful with his life, women, etc is not going to have time to spend two hours on the phone. I know it seems counter-intuitive. But by making yourself so available and eager to talk, you're killing her attraction before it even has a chance to build. The phone is not supposed to be used to get to know a woman. It's for touching base and logistics. You call her, talk for 10-20 mins to get a basic sense, and ask when she's free. You make plans, and get to know her in person. All of this chatting before you even meet a woman is what's hurting you over and over and over again. I agree with Spiderowl with regard to the length of first-time phone convos. I once talked with a guy I met on OKC for almost an hour and got a real good feel for him, the way he talked about things, the way he expressed himself, the way he laughed at the things I said, his sense of humor, and especially the way he didn't probe me for personal info and the things he did ask about me. I felt more comfortable with meeting him after our 55 min convo than if he had just cut our conversation short to 10 or 20 minutes. Had he done that, it would've taken me a lot longer to trust him enough for me to meet him in person. .
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