GF drunk texts fling from a yr ago while drunk. Now Im having trust issues.

[loverboy1984]

Hey everyone.

 

Ive been dating my GF for over 1 year. We recently became LDR as of 3 months ago. Shes 6 yrs younger than me and moved to a big city 3 hours away to work at her dream job. Shes been a nice girl and faithful. However 2 incidents have really hurt me and now I have a hard time trusting her even though she is sorry and promises to change. Please tell me what you think.

 

Incident 1:

I drove 3 hours to see her on our anniversary weekend. We had a good day then the next day she was going to brunch with her friends "girls only." So I was cool with it and went to get a hair cut, then she tells me shes going to a bar with them for happy hour and asks me to join. I come there and long story short we get home after and she passes out and I drive home with no goodbye or I love you, get a speeding ticket along the way. The worst part was one of her drunk friends was cursing me out for no reason, slapped me at one point and my gf was to drunk to notice and defend me. The next day she didnt remember anything but felt terrible. She told off her friend and oppologized to me and promised to never black out.

 

Incident 2: 3 weeks after the first incident we go out to see her friend play at a club. I buy us drinks and she gets really drunk. In front of me she takes out her phone and text this guy she dated over a year ago before me and deletes the text infront of me. I confront her about it and she denied it. The guy texts back and she denies ever texting him so I text him with her phone asking who texted first and he says haha you did. She deleted that too. I confronted her about this the next morning when she was sober and she felt terrible and promised to not drink alot anymore. She doesnt know why she texted that guy and says he means nothing. She deleted all previous people she dated from her phone. The thing that hurts the most is that the day prior she was telling me she likes me better than all guys shes dated and doesnt think of anyone after I asked about guys from her past. She says that because we had this conversation subconsciously she thought of him and texted him to see what he was doing.

 

Shes going to Europe for a week and she told me she wont drink at all. I told her I dont want her to think Im controlling and that she should do whatever she likes as long as shes safe. So then she says ok maybe I will try a sip of someones beer or a flight of beer or a cup.

 

I am so anxious, I have a hard time trusting her now and worried she will get too drunk and get taken advantage of or cheat and not know it. My Ex gf cheated on me the same way so I have scars from that. I have told her I dont trust her and want her to regain that trust with me. This trust issue is so debilitating. Shes not a drinker and she rarely goes out. Right now shes at happy hour with a couple of her friends and Im having anxiety.

 

Please let me know if I should trust her and let her show me or what. She promised to change and shes not a bad person and I dont think shes texted anyone before this and shes always calling and texting me but this trust issue in a LDR is very hurtful.

[Quiet Storm]

I think your gut feeling is right- she can't be trusted to be a responsible or loyal to you when she drinks. You have the facts about how she behaves while drinking- blacking out, texting old flings, drinking way too much. So it's up to you to decide if you will believe her actions or her words, because they are conflicting. She probably fully intends to not drink in Europe now, but once she gets there and is in the moment, what will she do? My guess is she will drink, and then she "won't remember". Sorry I'm not more optimistic.

[kendahke]

Shes not a drinker and she rarely goes out.

that is not consistent with:

she tells me shes going to a bar with them for happy hour and asks me to join.

she passes out

my gf was to drunk to notice and defend me.

The next day she didnt remember anything but felt terrible.

I buy us drinks and she gets really drunk.

In front of me she takes out her phone and text this guy she dated over a year ago before me and deletes the text infront of me.

I confront her about it and she denied it.

The guy texts back and she denies ever texting him so I text him with her phone asking who texted first and he says haha you did.

She deleted that too.

I confronted her about this the next morning when she was sober and she felt terrible and promised to not drink alot anymore.

Right now shes at happy hour with a couple of her friends and Im having anxiety.

 

Sugar, she's a drinker.

 

...and the worst part of all of this:

She says that because we had this conversation subconsciously she thought of him and texted him to see what he was doing.

Weak sauce.

 

 

She's going to drink to excess in Europe. I don't know why she even bothered to lie.

 

She has a drinking problem which causes her to do really stupid things she doesn't remember the next day.

 

You say that you've been down this road before with an ex. This girl is the same character in a different body. She's not an investment; she's a lesson that you're not learning. You don't need to be with women who drink to the point where they blackout, pass out and spend the next day apologizing for things they do, yet don't know the reason why they did it.

 

You'd be wise to break up with her before she leaves.

Edited March 28, 2015 by kendahke

[preraph]

She sounds like an alcoholic who does things like black out and does other things she might not do sober. I think you have a talk with her about joining AA.

[No Limit]

That girl sounds immature and unstable at best. Not girlfriend material at all. I hope you don't mind getting cheated on.