carhill Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Surprisingly, no losses of friends, though I did lose touch with some while caregiving and had to restart those friendships. I even stayed friends with a couple of exW's friends, including her best girlfriend at the time. In a sad and ironic twist, I'd only find out after she died from my exW that they had discontinued their friendship at a point after our D. She (the friend) had never said a word and I didn't discuss my marriage or divorce with people, generally, and my exW's name never came up. That said, perhaps because our M, my A and our D weren't rife with drama left the goings-on unremarkable and forgetable. Perhaps popularity played a part too, since we are just regular folks rather than people others like getting dirt on and spreading it around. IDK. All I know is the friends were around and our lives have carried on, except the few I sadly lost to the nether of death in between then and now.
goodyblue Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Trust me, I KNOW he did not repent. I am not going to share exactly how but it was very painful for all involved. And trrue repentance means turning AWAY from the bad choice. Someone who has turned away does not cheat again....and again...and again....and eventually get fired from his job for inappropirately touching and propositioning his students and interns. But hey, whatever makes you feel better. Those are two completely different scenarios. Maybe it is just me but pulling in NAMBLA and also talking about someone who groped young girls is far and away from someone who had an affair. If you group them all together fine, but the majority are not sicko's, just regular people. Sorry, not the monsters you think. As an aside, I don't need to feel better. I am ridiculously happy. We all know who is unhappy. I don't advocate affairs but i don't advocate beating people up emotionally, either. Have a good evening.
MissBee Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) this goes both ways - did you lose any friends while having an A (when telling them about it or them finding out? how did they react, what kind of advice they gave you and did they offer support? and for all of you who were a friend in a situation like that - how did you feel when you found out your friend was having an A? if they were a MM/MW, how did you feel while hanging out with their spouse? did you tell their spouse anything? thanks, guise. When I was an OW he wasn't married and it was LD so most people didn't know the details of the situation. My friends who did know, they of course didn't think it was some amazing situation, but again because he wasn't married and it wasn't a situation in their faces daily they didn't really bother themselves about it. I didn't lose any friends over it. I have one friend who has been involved with a MM for about 6 years now. She is one of my best friends. Most of her close friends know the truth of her situation, but she and her MM are in a precarious position where people know of him but assume he is her mentor and therefore the whole relationship is hidden on multiple levels: the married part and the mentor part and how people might read it in their professional relationship. I think she is wasting her time frankly, she has been wanting marriage and babies since we met almost 4 years ago and has been waiting on this guy who has made zero attempts to divorce and more or less says it will never occur. She has shed copious amounts of tears over it and goes from distraught and "done with it" to back with him again....at this point most of us just leave her to it as we realize that nothing we can say will make a difference, it's not like she doesn't know but she has to get to the point herself of being thoroughly fed up, I hope she gets to that point, we all do, but we can't make her get there. She's a brilliant woman but clearly in this situation brilliance doesn't help. When she asks advice most of us are frank that we think she is doing a disservice to herself but none of us have stopped being friends with her because of this. I think whether or not you lose friends will depend on the situation. In her case, she is my friend. I only know him through her and don't know his wife so in many ways it's easier for me to accept her as a person and friend and not care about that. If for example she was cheating on her husband and we all had to interact it would be very awkward and more stressful for me. In the current case, I guess I'm not forced to be duplicitous too so it doesn't bother me as much as if you have to more actively witness or be a part of you friend's A deceit. If for example, the wife, her MM and she were all in my circle that would also make it more awkward for me. Edited March 30, 2015 by MissBee
veruca salt Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 We had no mutual friends I never met any of his friends and he never met any of mine, but I did lose some cause I was a crazy person for 3 years not cause of the affair itself, but the affair caused me to be paranoid and crazy some people thought I was literally going crazy or I was on drugs I was not myself that's for sure
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