Vuvu Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 So I was in a very turbulent relationship with a girl I think has BPD. It ended badly and I was very hurt. She is with someone else. This was 8 months ago. I was in a very weak position wrote some 'upset' emails but I eventually managed to say to her that I needed to stop talking to her for a while. Since then she has contacted me several times saying that she is sorry for what happened, wants to remain friends and didn't like to think there was bad feelings. I replied once saying that I wasn't very happy and wanted a break. Since then she has contacted me twice and I didn't reply. My friends say that she asks about me when they have met her out. I feel sad that we can't be friends and I miss her children. I know she talks about me with her new guy and with some of her friends. I met a new girl who my ex really doesn't like. My ex hasn't been in touch since she found out we were dating. Anyway we went out to gig last night and a lot of my ex's friends were there. I kept thinking some of them were looking at us and it made me feel uncomfortable. Like I was having an affair. I feel like an ******* for not replying to her - I wish I'd been clearer and said "I don't hate you. I wish you all the best but I need to not talk to you anymore". I feel ashamed at the way I have acted and want everything to be ok. I don't like people knowing my private business and giving me funny looks. I feel like I am obsessed. I can't get it all out of my head. I don't like the bad feeling between people. I just want to get over her and be happy. Sometimes I think I should contact her or meet up with her and it will make me feel better.
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Meeting up with her will make you feel worse. The turbulence & your suspicion that she has BPD indicates that spending time with her will make everything worse. You are not doing anything wrong by dating someone new or not talking to a woman who upset you. You can't be friends with an EX, especially not this early. If you try to hang out with your EX don't be surprised if your current GF dumps you & other women don't want to date you. Reading this I can't help but liken your situation to Stockholm syndrome. This EX has some weird power of you when that is inappropriate. Get her out of your life & leave her there.
Author Vuvu Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks. Your probably right. But I feel like I'm the one causing the bad energy. Maybe it's all in my head. But when I talk to her I feel powerless and patronised. I know I will bump into her at some point. I hope one day I'll feel better and it will all be in the past.
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 The less you have to do with your ex the better. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Walk forward into the sunshine.
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks. Your probably right. But I feel like I'm the one causing the bad energy. Maybe it's all in my head. But when I talk to her I feel powerless and patronised. I know I will bump into her at some point. I hope one day I'll feel better and it will all be in the past. It is more in your head. If you do bump into her, be polite. Nothing more is required.
Author Vuvu Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Thank you. I switch a lot between feeling 1) like I've acted unreasonable and feeling ashamed 2) like I've been treated unreasonable and I have power with no contact She's used some manipulative tactics as leverage to talk to me and bring the power back to her. But I know that deep down her intentions are good and she is just emotionally troubled. I should probably be glad I'm not involved with her anymore but I do wish her positive vibes.
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