Phoe Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I don't have many partners and prefer the same for someone I'm with. Just not sure how well we'd match up. Of course, I know nothing for sure, and cannot speak in absolutes. It's simply a preference. That said, I don't consider it a "hangup". I certainly don't ask people about their sexual pasts, but I also have no issue with answering if asked about mine. It's just not important to me. I don't care what other men and women do, as long as they are happy. But I know, for myself, I would not be happy with many partners. Just the way my mind works. So I just do what makes me happy. Nothing wrong with that.
xxoo Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Some people had wild periods when they were young. So what? I'd want to know about these things because it helps me understand my partner. A wild period is very interesting information for me! It's not a matter of judging, but rather being genuinely curious about how he felt during that period, why and how it ended, how he feels about longterm monogamy now and why. It's actually far more interesting to me than a person who's never experimented.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 NOT true! Actually men that were in long terms relationships are often better lovers. My personal experience. My ex-boyfriend had spent all his life with 1 woman. He was the best lover by far compared with the couple of players I've been to bed with. Before you had sex for the first time you did not know where the vagina was? Sex is programmed in us to ensure our survival, don't worry he'll figure out quickly where the vagina is. I think most guys find it OK, but its kind of a bitch to "get it in" the first couple times :laugh: I know my first few times I needed her to help lol. 1
guest569 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I think most guys find it OK, but its kind of a bitch to "get it in" the first couple times :laugh: I know my first few times I needed her to help lol. This is true, I had the same experience both me and my ex were practically virgins (he said he had a previous partner, I'm not so sure) because it wouldn't go in. We never even managed to have sex during our relationship and it was pretty traumatic for me cause i felt like i had something wrong (i didnt). So no, it isn't always something that comes naturally.
Tayla Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 A guy i dated gave a polite answer. He said I have only slept.....with (pause) One lady at a time, and what a time it was! He was so not a womanizer nor did he "try" ONS. He said whats the point when loving them last longer. He was a widower, so for him maybe that love made him appreciate life more. He did chuckle when we discussed my past.... thank goodness he took it well.
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Opening yourself up to judgement is not a good idea, especially about this. I've always been open with all of my exes and would talk for hours about childhood stuff, my most recent ex, any LTRs I've been in, future plans, ambitions, health stuff, professional goals, what films I like, what actor I find hot, my favourite book, my favourite food, politics, sexual preferences, best place I've been to, etc. yet NOT ONCE has the issue of numbers come up. I really don't want to know how many women any guy I'm with NOW has slept with BEFORE ME. I don't see the point in it, it won't make me understand him better, and it's totally his business. Not one guy I've been with bothered to ask, and going by the number of threads on the subject, I consider myself lucky. Anything else is fair game but that info is my private business, and I'll take it with me to the grave. OP, you're either gonna have to answer truthfully and deal with the consequences, or ask them why they think it matters so badly to them and... deal with the consequences. Edited March 28, 2015 by PrettyEmily77
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 It's important to many people, men and women alike. It's another piece of information that goes into knowing what kind of person your partner is. Someone who needs this information would be telling me what kind of person they are. I wouldn't be interested. Actually I find this attitude to be strongest in US citizens which makes me wonder about the cultural mindset over there.
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 There is a reason. Paternity. It became a sin because the father was supposed to support the offspring and if the woman slept around, then he'd have to support someone else's kid. Also, we are not animals and we still form monogamous relationships. That's just my point, it's social conditioning. Not anything biological in nature. It comes from the puritanical roots of religious upbringing which itself is rooted in sexual repression. I respectfully disagree with your second statement we are animals, a living species no more special than all the others. This idea that humans are somehow a master race and more special than other animals on the planet was a Victorian era convention. Having opposable thumbs does not make us more important nor God's special little project. If there is a God, it cares for all life, not just 2 legged life. Plenty of other species also form monogamous relationships and mate for life, ceasing to breed once their partner has died. Humanity is not unique in that.
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) It is an urban legend that many people believe. That a man with a high number is a stud, highly valued and wonderful and a man with a low number is dirt beneath your feet. It's no more accurate an assumption than the ones I made above. Both are fiction picked out of the air to tell a story that soothes the personal beliefs of the person telling it. And that's my point in this thread. A lot of things widely believed have no basis in reality, they are just popular opinion that most people never take the time to truly consider the truth of. In over 20yrs of relationships not once has a partner ever enquired after my number, not even hinted at it, and nor have I. Somehow not having this information has zero effect on my life. I was still able to know my partner, as well as any person is able to know another. There will always be a secret aspect to every single human you encounter, even lifetime partners joined at the hip with never fully know the other person. So this particular piece of information is useless to me. It tells me nothing about them because it is past history, not a present reality. I like to take people are they come. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
road Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I used to bartend and because of the type of environment I worked in I've had quite a few sexual partners. I don't really feel comfortable disclosing it to a future partner, but also don't really want to lie. I look at the past as the past and wouldn't have an issue with my partner not telling me how many people they've been with. I'm curious what others in this type of position have done. You know your number it to high other wise you would not mind telling. If you are dating someone and they reach the point that the want to know what your number is before they take the relationship farther then you have to be truthful. To build a relationship on lies usually causes the relationship to end. Also by lying you are using deceit to keep a person in a relationship that they would not want. If you are proud of your number say so and say you will not apologize for the way you have lived your life. If you are now embarrassed by how you have lived your life as the reason your number is high. Then say so. That you regret and have seen the error of your ways. However no matter which way you believe do not lie about the past now. For better for you to be rejected then you to live and forge a relationship with someone that does not share your basic values. If your are proud then own your number. If you are now ashamed then own that. 2
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 What if the number is 609? what if it's zero? accept those numbers? She wouldn't know because she doesn't ask nor would care to know anyways.
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