gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Ex girlfriend just told me our 7 month relationship meant nothing.she has no romantic interest in me.and was just being nice and was trying to break it off slow for months. we broke up 5 months ago. I was depressed now I wish I were dead
smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Ex girlfriend just told me our 7 month relationship meant nothing.she has no romantic interest in me.and was just being nice and was trying to break it off slow for months. we broke up 5 months ago. I was depressed now I wish I were dead Huh? How did she end up telling you this? 1
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I seen her out and asked what went wrong
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I seen her out and asked what went wrong Dude, you love picking scabs don't you? 1
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 She wants to hurt me for some reason. I guess whatever makes her happy
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 She wants to hurt me for some reason. I guess whatever makes her happy No, she doesn't want to hurt you. She wants you to stop confronting her about the relationship. Even if you did see her out, trying to make her talk about the relationship is completely inappropriate. Either say nothing or just say hi real quick and move on -- stop trying to have these conversations with her. I mean, come on man. At what point are you going to stop making the same damn mistake? It's like a broken record with you. Leave it be. 1
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Simon it just sucks not being good enough for someone. I wish she would just say the sex wasn't good enough you don't make enough money you're ugly your mom dresses you funny. Anything! !!!!!
mightycpa Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Simon it just sucks not being good enough for someone. I wish she would just say the sex wasn't good enough you don't make enough money you're ugly your mom dresses you funny. Anything! !!!!! Not good, not bad. Wrong fit. Like a mighty set of size 12 feet in a beautiful pair of men's 11. You can wear them for a little, but it's going to hurt. Nothing's good or bad. They just don't fit together. 4
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Simon it just sucks not being good enough for someone. I wish she would just say the sex wasn't good enough you don't make enough money you're ugly your mom dresses you funny. Anything! !!!!! Your focus is wrong. She's not good enough to see the great things in you. But either way, you have to f--king stop chasing after her. You're being really, really weird and probably creeping her out at this point. You need to find some thread of self-respect and build on it. I would think by now you would realize that chasing after this woman brings nothing but pain, but you keep repeating the same mistakes. It's time for you to be an adult, chalk this up as a loss, and move forward. I know I'm being blunt and direct and mean, but come on dude. When is enough enough? 2
Jimmyjackson Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Just give it up and move on man, the fact she said that should make you feel motivated to do so, pretty nasty thing to say. 1
mightycpa Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 She wants to hurt me for some reason. I guess whatever makes her happyShe might have gotten the idea that you haven't gotten the message yet. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and frankly, she's not empathizing or sympathizing with your situation. She's all talked out and she's done. That's why she's getting mean. Talk to her about it some more, and she'll ramp up the hate. All of your need to express this stuff has led in the complete opposite direction from what you wanted. It's counterintuitive, but everybody predicted it and counseled you to steer clear. 3
ZiggyZoo Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Simon it just sucks not being good enough for someone. I wish she would just say the sex wasn't good enough you don't make enough money you're ugly your mom dresses you funny. Anything! !!!!! You want her to do this so you can fix whatever she gives as the reason for the breakup, and thus it can proceed as before. But there often isn't just one reason, and she's not obligated to share her feelings and rationale with you anymore, anyway. Just pick a reason yourself and go with that. 1
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 When all the words have been said there are no more words to be said. 2
DJOkawari Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Hey, man. I had a similar situation. My first relationship, I just kept trying to talk to her, to be her friend, to try to figure out what went wrong and she got really, really mean. Initially she wanted me back, then she wanted me as a friend, then she just wanted me as an acquaintance, then she wished she never saw me again, etc. I get why you're doing what you're doing...and I don't know if this helps but imagine it from her perspective...you just show up randomly and bring up the past, it's the worst. That's the impact you have on her life - "the worst". Just let it all go and find something else to do (easier said than done I know). I went NC for...I'm not sure how long (around a year at least...at a point I wasn't thinking about it, I was happy) and I got over it and then a few months later I got a 7 page email from her apologizing (for being mean) and asking me how I was. I knew I was in a good place, so I responded with a fairly lengthy email of my own. She responded with another. I realized I didn't want to type up a 5 page response and just didn't bother. I felt a little guilt about that...for maybe a week or so and I haven't talked to her since. I consider ringing her up some times when I'm going to be in her neck of the woods but mostly I don't feel like it. It's been years now and frankly I just don't care. You'll get there. She isn't preventing you from being happy, this obsession is preventing you from being happy. Edited March 27, 2015 by DJOkawari 2
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks for the responses. Never been through a breakup like this. It shouldn't matter but it does. I wanted to know how I turned her off Because she seemed like she was into me.I've questioned everything untill I've just driven myself nuts. I have flow charts and diagrams. I've read everything. I just couldn't get over the fact she couldn't sit down and explain how I screwed up. Now she said she never really liked me. Why would you go out more than a few times with someone you don't like?
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I've questioned everything untill I've just driven myself nuts. I have flow charts and diagrams. You really need a hobby. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the responses. Never been through a breakup like this. It shouldn't matter but it does. I wanted to know how I turned her off Because she seemed like she was into me.I've questioned everything untill I've just driven myself nuts. I have flow charts and diagrams. I've read everything. I just couldn't get over the fact she couldn't sit down and explain how I screwed up. Now she said she never really liked me. Why would you go out more than a few times with someone you don't like? She's just saying this so you'll LEAVE HER ALONE. Because nothing she's tried has worked. She initially said she'd like to stay friends -- you ruined that by continuing to persist. She then tried to ignore you -- you ruined that by continuing to persist. She then tried to block you -- you went out of your way to subvert the block. Now she's trying to be mean and hoping that you somehow get the hint and leave her alone. Sadly, you still aren't getting it. It's like watching a goddamn car crash at this point. Honestly, even if she did come clean, I don't think that'd be good enough for you. Nothing has been good enough for you. You lost all right to know what's in her head by your behavior. Are you really going to make her take it to the next level and get the authorities involved in the form of a restraining order? Because that's probably the next move if you don't stop poking at her and don't stop harassing her. Because at this point, you've crossed over to harassment. You actually did that when you got around her block, but you are continuing this path. FOR F--K'S SAKE STOP! Edited March 27, 2015 by Simon Phoenix 3
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks for the responses. Never been through a breakup like this. It shouldn't matter but it does. I wanted to know how I turned her off Because she seemed like she was into me.I've questioned everything untill I've just driven myself nuts. I have flow charts and diagrams. I've read everything. I just couldn't get over the fact she couldn't sit down and explain how I screwed up. Now she said she never really liked me. Why would you go out more than a few times with someone you don't like? The *why* question will never be answered. She probably doesn't even know *why* herself. Spend your time on the *what* question, instead: *What* do I need to do to feel better?: 2
ZiggyZoo Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 If you turned this focus inward, you'd be over her in no time. I'm not kidding. I agree with Satu, you need to change the question you're asking. And turn to someone who's going to give you answers-yourself. Why is it so important that you know *exactly* what went wrong? You are going to extreme lengths to get this question answered, to no avail. The only option for you now (since it is apparent that you won't let it go) is to find out why its so important to you. And no "It was disrespectful of her, she owes me an explanation" allowed. However disrespectful you think she was to you, you've been worse 100 times over. Make this about YOU, ask yourself the questions, and solve the need to know that way. Aren't you sick of going over and over this? Take charge of your own thoughts and fix it within yourself. And none, not one, of the answers should have anything to do with her. This is all about YOU. 3
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) That was a good post.I'm not sure how to go about it.I've identified lots of things wrong I've done.basically it boils down to I was to nice and to available.also,I've never come across the absolute perfect woman for me and she was about as close as I'll ever get.hard to let that go Edited March 27, 2015 by gnick
ZiggyZoo Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I'm a big fan of CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy) which helps people like us, who tend to perhaps overthink things, to do so constructively. I was terrible with obsessing about stuff before I learned the techniques. Here's it, in a nutshell: CBT is about changing the way you incorrectly perceive the outcomes of certain actions to what is true and what actually DID happen. For example, let's take one of your reactions to your ex ending things. You feel that she was as close to the absolute perfect woman as you're ever likely to meet. This upsets you, and you go to these extreme lengths to remain in contact with her, so as not to lose her. Ok. The first thing is to find the error in this thinking. Let's go with "she's as close to perfect as you're going to find". Is this true? There's no way of knowing, you haven't met everyone else out there yet. So change this thought to something like "she may have been as close to perfect as I've met YET, but I haven't met everyone I'm ever going to meet". That is turning an emotional reaction/belief to a logical, factual one. So your actions going forward are based on the new belief that there may well be someone out there better suited to you. Thus,you aren't so anxious about your ex. Make sense? Change your beliefs to what is logical and factual, and your actions and emotions will follow. This sounds easy, but its hard to put into practice sometimes. But you'll feel this sense of peace when you finally get to the bottom of something and can stop mulling it over. I think you'd like it, actually. You have to be very honest with yourself, and make it about yourself. I'm around, if you'd like some pointers, or look up "CBT techniques" online. 3
seminoles84 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 That was a good post.I'm not sure how to go about it.I've identified lots of things wrong I've done.basically it boils down to I was to nice and to available.also,I've never come across the absolute perfect woman for me and she was about as close as I'll ever get.hard to let that go I have my suspicions that you were likely very needy. 1
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I'm a big fan of CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy) which helps people like us, who tend to perhaps overthink things, to do so constructively. I was terrible with obsessing about stuff before I learned the techniques. Here's it, in a nutshell: CBT is about changing the way you incorrectly perceive the outcomes of certain actions to what is true and what actually DID happen. For example, let's take one of your reactions to your ex ending things. You feel that she was as close to the absolute perfect woman as you're ever likely to meet. This upsets you, and you go to these extreme lengths to remain in contact with her, so as not to lose her. Ok. The first thing is to find the error in this thinking. Let's go with "she's as close to perfect as you're going to find". Is this true? There's no way of knowing, you haven't met everyone else out there yet. So change this thought to something like "she may have been as close to perfect as I've met YET, but I haven't met everyone I'm ever going to meet". That is turning an emotional reaction/belief to a logical, factual one. So your actions going forward are based on the new belief that there may well be someone out there better suited to you. Thus,you aren't so anxious about your ex. Make sense? Change your beliefs to what is logical and factual, and your actions and emotions will follow. This sounds easy, but its hard to put into practice sometimes. But you'll feel this sense of peace when you finally get to the bottom of something and can stop mulling it over. I think you'd like it, actually. You have to be very honest with yourself, and make it about yourself. I'm around, if you'd like some pointers, or look up "CBT techniques" online. Thankyou very much 1
Author gnick Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I have my suspicions that you were likely very Needy . At times a little. Alot toward the end
Author gnick Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 It's been 2 and a half month since I've last contacted her. I can say I've felt pretty good since around the 2 week mark. I think in this case completely screwing up untill I knew it was over ultimately helped me. I still think about it but I feel fine and I don't have any compulsion to call
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