Ex gf of 4 years throws me away

[binrob]

Sorry. This turned out super long. But I needed to tell my full story. I hope you have the patience to read it through and would love and appreciate any kind of support.

 

My ex and I were together 4 years. We were each others first love, first real relationship, first sexual partner. I turn 23 this year and she soon turns 21. We had our ups and downs. 2 years in she breaks it off saying she wasn't happy and breaks up. I try to get her back but she won't have it. She gets into a relationship within a month. I was devastated. Our mutual friends told me that "no offense but, they way she speaks about him, she never spoke about you". It crushed me. I had lost her. 2 months later I see her at the club. I don't say hi or anything. 2 days later I get a text. She says she's sorry. We meet up and we talk. She says she's sorry and wants to try again. I ask her why when all I heard is how happy she is. She just said "no matter how good he was, he just wasn't you". After some talk we decide to try again. She breaks up with this new guy and comes back.

 

Fast forward a little more than 1 year and this is were I turn everything into sh*t. The thoughts of her having been with another man had hurt me so much and my immature brain also kept thinking "she has been with another man and I will only ever have been with her". I see sex with someone else as the worst thing you can do. So when our relationship hit a rocky spot I did something stupid. I started sexting with another girl. In my immature brain I justified it by thinking how she had slept with this dude while I was heartbroken. I was so stupid and childish and regretted it soon after I had done it and it went no further than just texts. She found out about a month or two later. I came clean. She said she would stay with me and I did everything to try to make it right. She had access to all my stuff and everything. I never hid anything. I never did anything again.

 

Months pass and things were getting a lot better. She even said just a month before we broke up that she "had a gut feeling about us since the day we met, that we would last forever". A month later we have a big fight. She then decides to break up. I ask her not to. Beg and all that pathetic stuff. I sent her flowers with a note attached telling her how much she meant to me. Didn't work. So I stopped contacting. Just days after I see her with this new guy. An old friend of hers. They had started dating. I was ruined. It hurt so much. But after a month and a half of NC I contacted her. We start talking. We talk all day. We meet up. We decide to try again. She tells me how she loves me and wants to try again. I let my guard down. When I went to her place I saw a note in the box that she keeps the watch I bought her. It was the note I sent with the flowers when we broke up. I asked her why she kept it and she said "I kept all your notes" (from previous flowers). But this one she had under her watch that she takes out everyday to wear.

 

3 weeks after we started talking she does a 180. She says she can't do this. That she was wrong. She can't be with someone who had done what I did. I told her I would never do something like that again (and I never will, trust me) and that I was willing to give this relationship 110% and that one day she would see that. One day no matter what the truth would come out about how I would have done my all for her even though we broke up. She just said she doesn't know what she wants but still wanted to break up. She breaks up with me for good.

 

The day after I ask her how she could do this after saying she loved me, wanted to try again, all those things. I get no answer. She just says she has moved on with her life and so should I. I get blocked on facebook.

 

2 weeks later (in the beginning of December) I see her at an event holding hands with a new guy. They are now in a relationship and still going strong. They even went on a vacation together just a month after I saw them for the first time. I found out by her new boyfriend posting a collage of pictures of them together as his facebook cover. This was the time I broke NC. I was angry, crushed, hurt. I told her how she told me I was a liar and I was untrustworthy when SHE actually was the one who lied more. She lied about her love, she lied about everything. It was one text. Nothing more.

 

1 month after that I accidentally call her when I was finally going to block and delete her number for good. I immediately hang up, but this was on Viber so the call comes through as missed call anyway. The day after I get a phone call. It was her dad. He threatened me. Told me to stay away. Told me he would call the police if I contacted her. I couldn't wrap my brain around how she and her dad could feel justified to threaten me when I had contacted her basically 3 times (once by accident) over the course of the break up. Why go to such extreme lengths? Why not just block my number if she hates me so much she can't stand me having called? I never hit her, never been abusive. Her parents loved me up until the break up. Yet now she feels the need to run to her dad and have her threaten me after a missed call?

 

I have not contacted her since, neither has she. I thought maybe he was a rebound at first but they are nearing 5 months and seem to be as happy as ever. He is everything she could want. His roots are from the same country as her. He is educated. He is (according to mutual friends) a very kind guy.

 

Maybe she mourned the relationship while we still were together but from people who have done this they have all said that they definitely weren't themselves around that person months before the break up. She was still the same. Some trust issues but she still wanted to see me everyday. Wanted to talk all the time. Wanted to go an a vacation together over christmas. (Which she did but with the new boyfriend instead).

 

 

I have tried to understand how she could move on so quickly. How she could go from "loving" me to running into the arms of another man so quickly.

 

She was my best friend and lover for 4 years. How she could cut me out so easily I will never know.

 

I know I should move on and I am working on it. I have worked out since I was 15 and I (after a few months of depression) started again. I have applied to school to take my bachelor. I am moving into a new place (thank god, since we just became neighbors before breaking up, which has led me to see them together ALL the time).

 

 

So sorry for the long post. I felt I needed to come totally clean with everything and possibly have some input and support from you guys. If you want to trash me for having cheated. Fine. I deserve it. But trust me, nobody regrets it more than me.

Edited March 27, 2015 by binrob

[LooperDooper]

There is not much anybody can tell you besides what you are already doing. From my perspective, yet you guys were each others' first love and it seems hard to let it, but at least for her she wanted to explore other people and see what it feels like. I'm not saying it's justifiable, but sometimes being with only one person in your early 20s when it's prime time to socialize and meet people can be hard.

 

As for you, I can only suggest to keep doing what you are doing. Start thinking about yourself and start living like a 23 year old. It's a good thing you are taking steps to remover her from your life, because trust me contacting her again will probably be just about the worst decision you can make after being threatened. It doesn't make sense, I know, but she wants you out of her life for whatever reason... You my friend need to make it happen and respect her wishes.

 

As far as I can interpret, she's experiencing a moment in her life where she wants to live and be with people. Sure, her current bf might be a long term solution but sensing from her actions it might just be another relationship she is in for the moment. But you need to start doing the same. Do what you need to feel and accept the pain and start taking care of your life. It's time to take her out of your life as she may come back again in the future (perhaps when things with this guy don't work out) but you can't take her back again, let alone talk to her back. You already know you can't accept her with her past decisions so why bother trying again if she's in a stage in her life where she is indecisive and exploring her options. Don't be one of those options for her, leave now and maintain it.

 

You claim to be a good bf, so keep it that way. Be patient and start thinking about you to find somebody who will want you and somebody who does know what they want in their life. It's tough but I think you need to let this girl go for good and you need to start experiencing other aspects of your life and maybe other potential partners. Monogamy and relationships aren't meant for immature people.

 

Stay strong, and please, please, please don't ever break NC again. You've already seen the chaos it created and it's only going to send you into a painful cycle and turmoil.