y2k Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Long story short. For the last month I've hurt my girlfriend (of 9 months) to the point where she wants to not talk anymore. On whatsapp, she sent me a message 3 weeks ago stating that it's best we don't talk anymore, and good luck with my life. I just responded with, "ok". Ever since then she has changed her what's app profile picture to posters stating how I deserved it, etc. Then a week later, she puts profile poster pictures stating how it's hard to flip off her feelings for me, and that the people who should be in her life are the ones that need her in theirs, etc. She kept putting pictures of special places we used to go to etc. Then last week, I decided to talk to her and she was mega cold. I said hello and asked how she is doing, and she out of nowhere was like "have fun at your aunts house, bye". Since then, she has not given me hints via her profile picture or nothing. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY PLAYING HARD TO GET BECAUSE SHE IS HURT, AND SHE WILL NOT JUST BE EASY TO ME. I don't want to chase her because chasing a woman is the worst thing a guy can do for his cause (look what happened when I messaged her). She is not easy. Please no answers of "oh get a more mature girl, etc". Hot, fun, and interesting girls will always "play the game". Females: Would you play hard to get with an ex that hurt you even if you still have legit feelings for him, and would want to get back with him? Males: How do I handle this? Should I play hard to get with her should she message me? Also she hasn't erased me from whatsapp, which I see as something. If a girl truly wants to get rid of you for good, she would erase you from everything and truly leave you behind. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I don't play hard to get. I am hard to get. After a month of some man being awful to me I wouldn't be crying on social media in an attempt to woo him back. I'd be gone. My feelings for him are secondary to my own self respect. You say you don't want to chase her because you think this is the worst. But the problem is you broke the relationship. So it's your responsibility to fix it. If you sincerely want her back & are done doing whatever garbage you were doing that drove her away, do something grand like apologize with flowers. You are going to have step up more than a lame text or a whatsapp message. If you want to go on about power in a relationship & talk about her chasing you & begging to come back, just leave her alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 i have to ask how easy were you to her when you were hurting her...do you think it was easy for her to handle...... i think have a heart to heart with her apologise for hurting her and ask for a fresh start....a new beginning..and if she truly cares for you it should also be what she would like for your relationship to continue...this to me isnt chasing...its being an adult, in an adult relation ship and trying to fix something that got broken......having a fresh start relationship with an ex should only be redone once to be truly meaningful......not over and over again...next time be more careful before you go around hurting others......takes a little forethought...you can do that..trust me..and good luck....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author y2k Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 I don't play hard to get. I am hard to get. After a month of some man being awful to me I wouldn't be crying on social media in an attempt to woo him back. I'd be gone. My feelings for him are secondary to my own self respect. You say you don't want to chase her because you think this is the worst. But the problem is you broke the relationship. So it's your responsibility to fix it. If you sincerely want her back & are done doing whatever garbage you were doing that drove her away, do something grand like apologize with flowers. You are going to have step up more than a lame text or a whatsapp message. If you want to go on about power in a relationship & talk about her chasing you & begging to come back, just leave her alone. About power in a relationship thing, the problem is that when dealing with hot, fun, cool girls like her, the moment she gains power, the relationship is on a death spiral. I know it sounds ignorant and macho, but when a woman gains power in a relationship, and if she is a hottie (like mine is), then the relationship dies quickly (the women get "bored"). It has happened to me and countless others I know. Hot women who are in demand only look for the strongest men, and those men who will not let her have the power tend to be the strong ones who get the hot women. I'm not saying I agree with this, but it's just the way it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just because she's sentimental about the things you used to do doesn't mean she isn't dedicated to leaving you behind. She's in mourning. She probably doesn't want to get hurt and be in mourning twice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 She is NOT playing hard to get, she is telling you to f*ck off and she is grieving. Hurting women is not good, they rarely want to go back once they go. She is mega cold because that is the way she feels about you. How would you feel if she hurt you to the extent you had to leave? Leave her alone, she deserves better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author y2k Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just because she's sentimental about the things you used to do doesn't mean she isn't dedicated to leaving you behind. She's in mourning. She probably doesn't want to get hurt and be in mourning twice. That's what I'm suspecting. She showed clear signs that she was ready to talk again, but went cold turkey out of no where the moment I spoke to her. It sounds like she is playing hard to get to not make herself so easy to me, and also she is testing me for neediness. The fact that I messaged her (even after all those signs) means I somewhat failed that test. But the fact that I haven't chased her after, nor did I sound desperate at any point means I didn't look too needy (which could help in theory). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author y2k Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 She is NOT playing hard to get, she is telling you to f*ck off and she is grieving. Hurting women is not good, they rarely want to go back once they go. She is mega cold because that is the way she feels about you. How would you feel if she hurt you to the extent you had to leave? Leave her alone, she deserves better. Then explain to me all those indirect messages she kept sending. If she really wanted me to go F off, she would have never sent those indirects, and she would have easily erased me from whatsapp. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 About power in a relationship thing, the problem is that when dealing with hot, fun, cool girls like her, the moment she gains power, the relationship is on a death spiral. I know it sounds ignorant and macho, but when a woman gains power in a relationship, and if she is a hottie (like mine is), then the relationship dies quickly (the women get "bored"). It has happened to me and countless others I know. Hot women who are in demand only look for the strongest men, and those men who will not let her have the power tend to be the strong ones who get the hot women. I'm not saying I agree with this, but it's just the way it is. You should seriously not be dating until you look into what abuse is and how traumatic it is for a partner. Crap like this tends to be emotionally abusive. And an abuser's greatest fear is being "overpowered" under the guise of intimacy. Your girlfriend is hurt and you are reacting by withholding a pretty obvious apology (for starters). That shows it isn't really a relationship for you, it's a competition. In a relationship, people give a damn when they hurt their partners, not try to make them feel worse, break down and come back to them broken. The Verbally Abusive Relationship should be the next thing on your list to read. Not some PUA Alpha easy-hard-to-get 50 Shades of Phukked Up Bullshyte. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 A lot of women who receive this type of treatment from partners DO go back. But it isn't because the partner is a wonderful guy (especially in your case). They often go back because they were traumatised similarly in childhood and come to believe that the withdrawal of their partner was their fault and responsibility. It's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome. A woman with a healthy self-esteem won't take it. But a large percentage of women don't have healthy self-esteem in their younger years (largely due to upbringing) so they end up getting jerked around by power-hungry little douchebags. (Who think they are "bad" or "hot.") Usually they are just guys that lack empathy and impulse control. Eventually women (usually) grow to realize that the guy they have been getting crapped on by is not some superhero with a valid set of feelings that he has trouble expressing. Nor did she really do anything to deserve the BS treatment he gives her. And that he is hostile, selfish, shallow and controlling. After that, she usually looks at him in a completely different light: like he is a small, petty little man whose opinion does not matter anywhere near what it used to. Then she leaves, in a heartbeat. She may be too burned to re-enter the dating scene, sometimes not. In that case if she does, she tends to be much better able to spot the BS from miles away and let go of the guys that were about as unhealthy as her ex was. Progress. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 About power in a relationship thing, the problem is that when dealing with hot, fun, cool girls like her, the moment she gains power, the relationship is on a death spiral. I know it sounds ignorant and macho, but when a woman gains power in a relationship, and if she is a hottie (like mine is), then the relationship dies quickly (the women get "bored"). It has happened to me and countless others I know. Hot women who are in demand only look for the strongest men, and those men who will not let her have the power tend to be the strong ones who get the hot women. I'm not saying I agree with this, but it's just the way it is. On one level I will agree with you. In college I was a female player. The minute I got him wrapped around my finger I was gone. As I grew up I realized that mature relationships don't work like that. A good relationship is about balance. There isn't much in yours. So if you believe what you wrote, all you can do is acknowledge that you blew it & move on. Because if somebody doesn't make the 1st move she's not coming back. From her perspective you threw her away so why would she stick around unless you apologized? So if you believe in all this power BS you're damned if you do & damned if you don't. Either way, you have no more relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Hurting her is not a good idea. You don't sound like you understand what that means to her. Have you apologised? If not, it's unlikely she's going to even consider re-engaging with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Leave her in peace and take a ruthlessly honest look at what caused the break up. The truth might not set you free, but it will help you understand how you got to be where you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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