enchanted771 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Met this guy 3.5 months ago. 2 months into dating him, we slept together. Then 2 days following, I text him and it took him literally 8 hours to reply and only because I text a second time. Then I got pretty upset and I shot off texts calling him a flake, etc. Then he tells me he isn't ignoring me but just doing some thinking. A few days later we start talking again, but not as much as we used to. And now it seems he is acting needy. Like I wont text him and then at night he will text me saying I don't even say goodnight anymore. And a few days later, I text him again and he tells me so if he doesn't text me, it takes me forever to reach him. I basically got sick of the hot and cold so I text him and tell him that I don't feel its working out and that I need someone who will make more of an effort. No hard feelings, wished him the best and left it at that. THEN he tells me that me that I am right, and he has feelings for me and asked to see me this weekend. Why I said yes is beyond me. I think I want to see if he is going to flake out or not. I tried to talk to him about his lack of communication but he just gave lousy excuses in which I told him he is full of it. I just know if he cancels out for this weekend I will end up breaking it off again. But what to do if he guilt trips me, and telling me he has feelings for me and bla bla bla. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt but in reality if he had feelings for me, my phone would be ringing right now. He did text me before bed last night, but nothing today. I don't even feel I can give him credit for anything right now because I know I am just going to be let down. How can you tell someone you have feelings for them and don't? says a lot about his character.
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....so why are you going around again with this guy. You KNOW it's not working out so why are you hoping for him to become this wonderful guy with good honest communication, and is spot on with his responses? It's not going to happen. You need to call it quits NOW. To answer you question you go by their actions not by what they tell you. Your gut is telling you he is being full of it because his actions don't match with what he is saying. It's a no brainer........
Buddhist Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 By not playing into it. If he isn't fulfilling your idea of relationship now it's not going to suddenly improve. If he's playing hot and cold, he's fishing not serious. You can either let him yank your chain on his schedule or you can stop replying to his calls and texts. It's really very simple. Personally I think you're expectations are a bit off, but they're your expectations so you'll have to decide what's right for you.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 By not playing into it. If he isn't fulfilling your idea of relationship now it's not going to suddenly improve. If he's playing hot and cold, he's fishing not serious. You can either let him yank your chain on his schedule or you can stop replying to his calls and texts. It's really very simple. Personally I think you're expectations are a bit off, but they're your expectations so you'll have to decide what's right for you. Enlighten me. How are my expectations off?
Redhead14 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Met this guy 3.5 months ago. 2 months into dating him, we slept together. Then 2 days following, I text him and it took him literally 8 hours to reply and only because I text a second time. Then I got pretty upset and I shot off texts calling him a flake, etc. Then he tells me he isn't ignoring me but just doing some thinking. A few days later we start talking again, but not as much as we used to. And now it seems he is acting needy. Like I wont text him and then at night he will text me saying I don't even say goodnight anymore. And a few days later, I text him again and he tells me so if he doesn't text me, it takes me forever to reach him. I basically got sick of the hot and cold so I text him and tell him that I don't feel its working out and that I need someone who will make more of an effort. No hard feelings, wished him the best and left it at that. THEN he tells me that me that I am right, and he has feelings for me and asked to see me this weekend. Why I said yes is beyond me. I think I want to see if he is going to flake out or not. I tried to talk to him about his lack of communication but he just gave lousy excuses in which I told him he is full of it. I just know if he cancels out for this weekend I will end up breaking it off again. But what to do if he guilt trips me, and telling me he has feelings for me and bla bla bla. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt but in reality if he had feelings for me, my phone would be ringing right now. He did text me before bed last night, but nothing today. I don't even feel I can give him credit for anything right now because I know I am just going to be let down. How can you tell someone you have feelings for them and don't? says a lot about his character. He wasn't being hot and cold, you were being too hot. He finally got to sleep with you and either he just plain got what he wanted and was going to let it drop or keep you on the back burner or the remote possibility is that he realized his emotions were involved and needed some space to consider whether he wanted to move forward with you. If the latter was the case, you texted him again and interrupted processing his thoughts. If you text a man, you let him respond in his own time. Don't keep blasting him with texts and trying to pull him in. If he takes a long time to respond, he needs to have a good reason for it. Otherwise, he was ignoring you. He said he was doing some thinking. Fine. If that were the case and he was really interested in moving forward with you, he would have upped his contact or improved it and started demonstrating a more genuine interest. He hasn't done that though. In the meantime, you're being wishy-washy. You told him it wasn't working out and then he asked you to make plans and you agreed. Now he knows you're invested and maybe he can get to sleep with you again and keep doing the same thing over and over again. At 3 months in, if you dump someone, you dump them. If he guilt trips you, he's being manipulative. There's no reason to feel guilt. You tell him you're moving on Period.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I text him and it took him literally 8 hours to reply and only because I text a second time. Then I got pretty upset and I shot off texts calling him a flake, etc. Hmm..See any contradiction in these two statements?
Author enchanted771 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 He wasn't being hot and cold, you were being too hot. He finally got to sleep with you and either he just plain got what he wanted and was going to let it drop or keep you on the back burner or the remote possibility is that he realized his emotions were involved and needed some space to consider whether he wanted to move forward with you. If the latter was the case, you texted him again and interrupted processing his thoughts. If you text a man, you let him respond in his own time. Don't keep blasting him with texts and trying to pull him in. If he takes a long time to respond, he needs to have a good reason for it. Otherwise, he was ignoring you. He said he was doing some thinking. Fine. If that were the case and he was really interested in moving forward with you, he would have upped his contact or improved it and started demonstrating a more genuine interest. He hasn't done that though. In the meantime, you're being wishy-washy. You told him it wasn't working out and then he asked you to make plans and you agreed. Now he knows you're invested and maybe he can get to sleep with you again and keep doing the same thing over and over again. At 3 months in, if you dump someone, you dump them. If he guilt trips you, he's being manipulative. There's no reason to feel guilt. You tell him you're moving on Period.yes your right...we have plans for this weekend but I'm not going to touch bases. Originally I was going to, but if he wants to see me so bad he will confirm. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Hmm..See any contradiction in these two statements? just stating facts...
Buddhist Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Enlighten me. How are my expectations off? As I said they're your expectations. I personally don't judge a relationships worth based on time to return to texts or number of texts sent in a day. Men aren't awesome txters so I don't go by that. You seemed to state that his lack of texting signals lack of interest sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. But I imagine you have more evidence than just a lack of texting to come to that conclusion by.
preraph Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Pay attention to his actions, not his words, and act accordingly. If he shows you he cares by his actions, that takes some real investment. If it's just words, well, it's just words.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 As I said they're your expectations. I personally don't judge a relationships worth based on time to return to texts or number of texts sent in a day. Men aren't awesome txters so I don't go by that. You seemed to state that his lack of texting signals lack of interest sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. But I imagine you have more evidence than just a lack of texting to come to that conclusion by. texting isn't even the whole issue. I think if a man is interested, he would want to talk to you often, see you often, etc. he wouldn't wait until you break it off to express his feelings. So that means he's full of it or hiding his feelings all this time...
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 just stating facts... Well it's funny to me that you start off saying that you were upset that he didn't text you back fast enough and even called him a flake. That in itself is needy behavior, So the pot shouldn't call the kettle black.
Recommended Posts