FringeZone Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Ok, I've been dating a great girl for about 2 months, and lately she's been cranking up the frequency and intensity of how how often we see each other. I was with her last night, and I realized that we had seen each other every day for the past week, although sometimes it was just in the morning before work - we've spent 4 of the past 6 nights together, and every time we've hung out, it seems liked it's turned into an expected overnight experience. If I look back just a month ago, it was see each other once/week and likely not stay over. To me it seems like a pretty substantial transition. I'm just wondering if this level of interaction and contact is normal at the ~2 month mark - I seem to enjoy everything about it, so I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering if it's a recipe for disaster, or a hallmark of something healthy. The nights that we haven't been together have generally been spent nurturing and fostering other aspects of our selves - i.e. hanging out with friends, etc. - so our friends, hobbies, etc., haven't been neglected. As mentioned, I'm just curious to see what other peoples' level of interaction and contact is after a few months of dating and seeing how it worked out for you - good, bad, amazing, or whatever.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Unfortunately there isn't a Dating 101 rule book where these kinds of things are itemized which means it all depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. If you're enjoying the new transition then STOP over thinking things and ENJOY what you have for heaven's sake. If anything is going to kill this it will be you and your negative thinking. Relax. Enjoy. Having said that I think it is very important for couples to have a life separate from their partners. Perhaps this is the point in your relationship where you start to discuss these kinds of things and set some boundaries, provided you're in an exclusive relationship of course. It's all part of the relationship process my friend. Good luck. 2
Redhead14 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Ok, I've been dating a great girl for about 2 months, and lately she's been cranking up the frequency and intensity of how how often we see each other. I was with her last night, and I realized that we had seen each other every day for the past week, although sometimes it was just in the morning before work - we've spent 4 of the past 6 nights together, and every time we've hung out, it seems liked it's turned into an expected overnight experience. If I look back just a month ago, it was see each other once/week and likely not stay over. To me it seems like a pretty substantial transition. I'm just wondering if this level of interaction and contact is normal at the ~2 month mark - I seem to enjoy everything about it, so I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering if it's a recipe for disaster, or a hallmark of something healthy. The nights that we haven't been together have generally been spent nurturing and fostering other aspects of our selves - i.e. hanging out with friends, etc. - so our friends, hobbies, etc., haven't been neglected. As mentioned, I'm just curious to see what other peoples' level of interaction and contact is after a few months of dating and seeing how it worked out for you - good, bad, amazing, or whatever. That's a bit much at 2 months. She's way too invested in this and way too soon. If she were a smart/experienced dater, she wouldn't be initiating getting together at all, let alone this often. If you are interested enough in her to see if something of quality develops, you'll need to slow things down with her. Don't be available every night. Explain to her that you feel that spending every night together is a little too much and offer to work out a plan/schedule for seeing each other that works for both of you. At two months, 2 twice a week, is about right. At this point, you both are (and mostly her I think) experiencing that endorphin high you first get when you meet someone new who really interests you. It's natural. But when you first start dating someone, it's important to manage those emotions and your expectations. Spending that much time together so soon, will likely burn you both out. She's being very clingy. I'd make some space. 1
Gaeta Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 You both do what feels right and good. There is no step by step guide material. Some people like space others like being connected by the hip. I personally need a few nights a week to be on my own. My best friend is the type who can't spend one minute on her own. Two weeks after she met her current boyfriend they spent 5 night a week together. It's been a year and now they're moving in together. It works for them because they are both the same and need the same type of attention. 2
Gaeta Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 She's being very clingy. I'd make some space. I would advice against changing the dynamic of their relationship just because it doesn't fit the mainstream. If they are both comfortable in this then nothing needs to be changed. Actually imposing space on each other while none is needed may hurt their relationship instead of bettering it. I know couples who are none stop together and this for years. It's just their personality. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Just roll with it. Totally depends on each individual couple. I had a four year relationship with someone and by the end, we were still only seeing each other around three times per week. In my current relationship by two months in, certainly by three, we were spending literally every overnight together at mine, although we had plenty of time apart with our jobs, still seeing friends and hobbies etc. we just naturally gravitated towards sleeping together every night, and six months into the relationship we moved in formally. Every couple is different. If you're enjoying it, roll with it. In previous relationships I'd have felt a little stifled I think with that amount of contact, but in my current relationship it just felt so normal and natural to be together as default if we weren't busy doing anything else, and the transition to living together properly was barely noticeable by either of us. There are two many 'shoulds' in this world. Ignore the 'this many times by this many months' brigade. Life doesn't work like that. Twice a week wouldn't be enough for me at any stage of seeing someone if I really liked them. And I wouldn't be dating them if I didn't really like them. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) It's pretty typical actually. A woman starts out not being emotionally invested. So her interest level is lower and she's fine with once a week. Then as she starts to like a guy more, she reaches out more so he'll plan more dates. Naturally you spend more and more time together. So for right now, enjoy the ride. BUT... It's human nature to get bored with too much of a good thing. So sometimes a woman may text you less, disappear for 2-3 days, etc.. When this happens, allow her the space to miss you. Don't become unglued and get needy. Women are like roller coasters. Sometimes they want to ramp up and go fast/heavy, and other times their emotions need a re-charge winding down and going slower. So when she backs off to re-charge a bit, don't chase after her. Have confidence and security in her overall interest level. Edited March 26, 2015 by fitnessfan365 3
Author FringeZone Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Thanks for all of the answers so far - definitely interesting to read through and learn about what others have experienced. Anyhow, I haven't really dated someone new for a while, so the intensity kind of snuck up on me, and I'm not really sure what the norm is. That said, while she does reach out to me effectively daily, it's just a text or two unless I really engage her, and she doesn't seem to push for meetings, she just lets me know she's free, so I then propose something if I'm up for it and free. Moreover, at least as of now, she doesn't say anything when I opt to not see her. As such, it's easy to say she cares and is interested, a bit harder to say she's super clingy. The fact that she doesn't push for the meetings gives me air if I need it, so unless things change, I'm not too concerned about it becoming stifling.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Thanks for all of the answers so far - definitely interesting to read through and learn about what others have experienced. Anyhow, I haven't really dated someone new for a while, so the intensity kind of snuck up on me, and I'm not really sure what the norm is. That said, while she does reach out to me effectively daily, it's just a text or two unless I really engage her, and she doesn't seem to push for meetings, she just lets me know she's free, so I then propose something if I'm up for it and free. Moreover, at least as of now, she doesn't say anything when I opt to not see her. As such, it's easy to say she cares and is interested, a bit harder to say she's super clingy. The fact that she doesn't push for the meetings gives me air if I need it, so unless things change, I'm not too concerned about it becoming stifling. When she reaches out, it's her way of hinting that she wants you to plan get togethers. The fact that she doesn't want to have text marathons with you is a good thing. Personally, I wish all women were like that where they focused on interaction with more actual dates and less on phone communication.
lana-banana Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I think that's more frequent than usual, but as Gaeta said, what matters most is that you're both comfortable. We all know a few couples who seem to "break the rules" (moving in or getting engaged very fast, getting together right after a breakup, formerly dating each others' friends etc) and yet they're just fine because they're committed to each other and want to make it work. If you're on the same page, roll with it. Of course it's possible for two unhealthy people to feed off each others' energy in a negative way, but I don't think that's what's happening here. Unless your friends are raising concerns you have nothing to worry about. 1
Author FringeZone Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 When she reaches out, it's her way of hinting that she wants you to plan get togethers. The fact that she doesn't want to have text marathons with you is a good thing. Personally, I wish all women were like that where they focused on interaction with more actual dates and less on phone communication. That's my view as well (i.e. I'm not a big texting fan) - which is why I propose something if I'm free and want to see her as opposed to launching into a text fest. If I don't feel like seeing her, I simply play nice for a few texts and then shut down the session quickly and say good night...she's never complained, as I'm responsive and she knows where I stand for the day, so she's not left wondering. Every once in a while we do a text session - but realistically, we live less than a 10 minute drive apart (maybe 1 - 1.5 miles in the city), so I find myself opting to see her as opposed to texting...it's way more fun to see each other as opposed to being a slave to short messages and hanging out alone.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 That's my view as well (i.e. I'm not a big texting fan) - which is why I propose something if I'm free and want to see her as opposed to launching into a text fest. If I don't feel like seeing her, I simply play nice for a few texts and then shut down the session quickly and say good night...she's never complained, as I'm responsive and she knows where I stand for the day, so she's not left wondering. Every once in a while we do a text session - but realistically, we live less than a 10 minute drive apart (maybe 1 - 1.5 miles in the city), so I find myself opting to see her as opposed to texting...it's way more fun to see each other as opposed to being a slave to short messages and hanging out alone. Why not plan something in advance for when you would want to see her? Better to make plans, enjoy a few days of radio silence, and get together rather than her texting every day and making plans spur of the moment. 1
Author FringeZone Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Why not plan something in advance for when you would want to see her? Better to make plans, enjoy a few days of radio silence, and get together rather than her texting every day and making plans spur of the moment. Well - I make plans a couple of days a week - truthfully the only reason that there's texting with her because she initiates it. Moreover, maybe I'm misinterpretting messages like the following text exchange from about 30 minutes ago: Her: How's your day going!? Super busy? (around 4:30 p.m.) ME: Some kind of response stating I'd be home around 6-7 p.m. and less busy than expected (I told her I'd be working late today last night - fortunately my schedule changed and I didn't feel like lying) Her: I'm walking over to happy hour with a friend - what are you up to after work?! Maybe I'm misinterpretting that statement - but it seems like she wants to get together tonight, not necessary in a few days, although I know she won't push it any further than simply asking the question about my plans. I get those types of messages almost every day when we don't have scheduled plans (I plan actual dates about twice a week). Last week I went about 50-50 with her on those, and asked her if she wanted to get together about half the time. Since those were days we weren't planning on hanging out, and I got those type of messages almost every one of the days we didn't have plans, we met up on 4 of the last 6 nights.
MidwestUSA Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I think time will tell if it's too much. On our third date, my BF spent the night. Our fourth date turned into three days. He moved in at seven weeks, and we're approaching our second wedding anniversary. Extreme, yes. But, you just never know! 3
Diezel Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Is it keeping you from doing the things you need to do on a weekly basis or interrupting your productivity on a daily basis? If the answer is yes... then it's too much too fast already. 1
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