Mx12345 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 This guy and I have been dating for two months and everything has been good so far, except for one thing. He always talks about his ex! I had made a previous post about him leaving in the middle of the night as we laid in bed to go rescue a drunk girl he had previously had a casual sex relationship with. We got into an argument at the time but have since moved past it. But this has been going on since we met. To be fair to him, I knew a little more about him and his ex because my sister works for him and before him and I dated she told me he had this ex that he always talked about. Around the first of December she was supposed to come visit him as they are still friends (she lives in a different city) and she didn't and he was crushed. We started dating in mid January and from the beginning he mentions her a lot. They broke up a year and a half ago but they are still really good friends, is what he says. She's an actress/performer/model in LA so she's always sending him pictures when she's on set or doing a shoot or working with someone famous. He in turn will be like "hey, look who she's working with today" and will show me a picture of her with a famous actor. But he will also bring her up out of the blue too. The conversation will be on one subject and he'll find a way to input her to the conversation. Like one day I mentioned I was allergic to a certain food, and he mentioned how she had a gluten allergy. They talk on the phone or text a couple times a week. Part of me thinks since he's so open about telling me when they have talked or showing me pictures that she texts that he's not trying to hide anything so it must really just be friends. But he always brings her up!!! The other day we were watching a movie with a semi famous actor and he mentioned she had dated that actor prior to her dating him. So I casually said "oh did she? What else has she done today?" And he just laughed at me. I feel like I know all about her life. I know about her family, her likes and dislikes, her allergies, her ex boyfriend, everything! On Instagram (which him and I are friends), she likes every single picture he posts. She has over a 1000 followers with hundreds of likes per photo but I can see on my friends activity that he likes all her stuff too. The real kicker is a few weeks ago when he mentioned her yet again I asked him if she knew he was dating someone. He sighed and said "yeah it was hard to tell her, but I did mention I was seeing someone." What sucked was right after that my work called and I had to take it and we didn't finish the conversation. The one time I kinda mentioned that he talks to her a lot he just said she was a really good friend now. So I haven't brought it up since. Could he still be in love with her and not even realize it? Or what? I'm not exaggerating. He mentions her almost every other day!
katiegrl Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Mx...since he is constantly *talking* about her .... clearly he is still *thinking* about her too... probably more than you even realize. So what does this tell you? I know if you think hard enough you will figure it out. He is still into her! Very much so. So you have a choice. Settle for being "sloppy" second, or move on and find a man who isn't still pining away for his ex. For me, I don't settle for being second.. so I would walk. Oh sure you can tell him how it makes you feel, he may even stop talking about her so much. But that won't stop him from still "thinking" about her! Again, your choice. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 The fact that he's so hung up on his ex, and that he's still in contact with her could be a bad sign. I mean why does he keep her in his life to where he'd have to inform her of who he was dating?
SawtoothMars Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Mx...since he is constantly *talking* about her .... clearly he is still *thinking* about her too... probably more than you even realize. So what does this tell you? I know if you think hard enough you will figure it out. He is still into her! Very much so. So you have a choice. Settle for being "sloppy" second, or move on and find a man who isn't still pining away for his ex. For me, I don't settle for being second.. so I would walk. Oh sure you can tell him how it makes you feel, he may even stop talking about her so much. But that won't stop him from still "thinking" about her! Again, your choice. I've been through this before with women. I consider the above advice to be for super insecure people. It takes some time... but I've every ex Obsessed GF I've ever had forgets him after a bit and becomes crazy about me.
katiegrl Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I've been through this before with women. I consider the above advice to be for super insecure people. It takes some time... but I've every ex Obsessed GF I've ever had forgets him after a bit and becomes crazy about me. Good for you. . I am not insecure, and I wouldn't chance it. Plus, speaking personally, I would find a guy who constantly talks about his ex a total turn off. Which would make my decision to walk pretty easy... But again good for you that it worked out for you... 2
Author Mx12345 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Good for you. . I am not insecure, and I wouldn't chance it. Plus, speaking personally, I would find a guy who constantly talks about his ex a total turn off. Which would make my decision to walk pretty easy... But again good for you that it worked out for you... Yes! It's starting to become that whenever he mentions her I get turned off from him! I'm also not insecure. I know a few things here and there about his other friends. But I know this girls entire life story because he mentions her so much!
Buddhist Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Don't know if it's love or not but do you want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps dragging his past into his present and prioritising his past over his relationship with you? I think how he feels about his ex is far less important than how you feel about him at this point.
badpenny Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Don't know if it's love or not but do you want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps dragging his past into his present and prioritising his past over his relationship with you? I think how he feels about his ex is far less important than how you feel about him at this point. Good points: Ask him directly, on a scale of 1 - 10, how often does he think about you in comparison to her? because you're getting a bit tired of every discussion revolving around her. And tell him straight out - every time he mentions her you're going to take a picture of him, then at the end of the week, you'll see how full the album is. If he has more than 3 pictures, he's obsessing - and he either needs to quit, or go back to her, because you're beginning to feel decidedly '2nd place'....
Frank2thepoint Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 He sighed and said "yeah it was hard to tell her, but I did mention I was seeing someone." That reaction and response alone is like getting kicked by a horse. He's still fond of his ex, very much. Them being just friends is an illusion. I can guarantee that if she gave him a chance for round two, he would drop you for her. It's great he is transparent about his "friendship" with his ex, but you're ignoring the fact that he is clearly still in love with her. You can talk to him about it, but it won't go away. In fact he might end up being secretive about it. 3
LifeandPerseverance Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 That reaction and response alone is like getting kicked by a horse. He's still fond of his ex, very much. Them being just friends is an illusion. I can guarantee that if she gave him a chance for round two, he would drop you for her. It's great he is transparent about his "friendship" with his ex, but you're ignoring the fact that he is clearly still in love with her. You can talk to him about it, but it won't go away. In fact he might end up being secretive about it. This. This this THIS. I dated a guy for a month who liked to mention all his exes by name. It bugged me but then I started thinking it wasn't a big deal, either. Until the night his ex called and wanted a second chance and bam he gave her one. Don't be like me. Dump this guy's #$# before he can dump you. Better to hurt him than to wait for him to hurt you. This guy has two strikes against him now..Are you going to wait for the third? This is the beginning. This is when things are suppose to be great and easy. Between this and booty call woman (I read the thread), it's just too much. You deserve someone who's fully invested in you and won't leave you when the past comes calling. Because yes, the ex will ask for a second chance eventually.
Price2Play Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 This. This this THIS. I dated a guy for a month who liked to mention all his exes by name. It bugged me but then I started thinking it wasn't a big deal, either. Until the night his ex called and wanted a second chance and bam he gave her one. Don't be like me. Dump this guy's #$# before he can dump you. Better to hurt him than to wait for him to hurt you. This guy has two strikes against him now..Are you going to wait for the third? This is the beginning. This is when things are suppose to be great and easy. Between this and booty call woman (I read the thread), it's just too much. You deserve someone who's fully invested in you and won't leave you when the past comes calling. Because yes, the ex will ask for a second chance eventually. ^^YES^^^ Wow, I'm shocked not 1 person has mentioned it! Sorry OP you are the rebound girl. REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS SUCK! PLEASE, move on before you get burned.
Hopeful30 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 This is such a silly question. Wake up people! 2
KatZee Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I've been through this before with women. I consider the above advice to be for super insecure people. It takes some time... but I've every ex Obsessed GF I've ever had forgets him after a bit and becomes crazy about me. Not "super insecure" at all. "Super realistic" is more like it. My ex was like this. Except, I wasn't insecure. I chalked it up to: 1. He dated her for a long time 2. She had once been an important part of his life 3. He wasn't just going to forget about her 4. We were a new couple Except... that wasn't reality. Reality? He was still into her. Reality? He was having sex with her behind my back. Reality? He told her he missed her and wasn't sure if he wanted to stay with me, or go back to her. Anyone who has to bring up their ex every single day, is just bad news. Clear out the garbage, and clean up the loose ends before starting a new relationship. Easy. (And yes, you'd be the rebound. I was the rebound even though he said I wasn't.) 1
darkmoon Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 leave him and tell him why, you have good reason to leave, see what transpires, test him
Frank2thepoint Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Dump this guy's #$# before he can dump you. Better to hurt him than to wait for him to hurt you. I agree that Mx12345 should just break up with the guy, but there is no need to hurt him. He's not doing anything malicious or sadistic. Unfortunately he is just a coward that can't admit to himself and to Mx12345 that he is still in love with his ex. In addition, he's probably the type of person that can't function without being in a relationship, even if it's not the woman he wants to be with. 1
Vercetti Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Name dropping and basically living vicariously through an EX, that's pathetic. Fact was told he can't STFU about EX from a third party, bah. Being uncomfortable with this doesn't seem like insecurity, seems like have enough self worth to be insulted by this crap. Trouble telling EX with someone new. That's opposite, most love to run moving on in a EX's face if not the type to be indifferent and have EX cut out of life as should be.
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