Twigyy Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 My and my ex broke off on 17 Jan, friends for three weeks, then she became cold, until the 4th week then I realised she got a new boyfriend. NC started on 3rd March, which was super late. Almost the 24th day of NC. No texts received, sent, no breadcrumbs. Sometimes I feel that I've somewhat accepted that she didn't try enough in the relationship, so she don't deserve me, sometimes I cling onto hope, hoping one day she would ask me again. I don't know what am I supposed to feel. I have no urge to text her anything. I somewhat feel that I am already forgotten, and I should move on. I want to hug someone and cry. I haven't been crying for quite awhile. Tears don't come out as often as day one. S*cks to be the only one missing the other person..
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 The fact is, your feelings cannot be controlled. I'm over 3 months NC and I still have very low days and I feel very much forgotten and it's the worst feeling. Honestly, at 24 days NC, your wounds are very raw, so it's understandable to be very upset. I was very broken at that point. At the three month mark, I still feel lingering hurt and pain and like I could seriously use some closure. Who are we to dictate how we feel? I've given up on trying to control my feelings. They are what they are. Then again, part of me thinks I should be trying harder to move past this. Maybe I'm just a lazy healer. As for your situation, I think it makes perfect sense to still be in the throes of it all. You're not supposed to feel any certain way though, because IMO love and feelings cannot be controlled. They flow freely and without restraint. That is, unless one self-medicates. Life is a B, and then you get up and keep moving. It's hard, I know.
fireflywy Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) The above poster has it right. There is no set standard about how to feel at this point. I believe the one month of NC is hard especially hard because there is still a desire to make things work so we are simply waiting for them to fight for us and prove to us that they valued us. I've gone through the same thing since January. She's gone cold, and after a year and a half she is dating someone new. It was a mighty blow and it stings like a mother but I also know that things could have been worked on but that she is just choosing not to. It's not because there is a lack of will or value on my part or worth, its a lack of will and desire on hers. Here's the point, while I still have this vision of being with her, her lack of desire to appreciate me enough is indicative that we wouldn't be good in the long term. If she can't even fight for me, or your ex for you, in what I call the summer days of life if you truly are upholding your side of the relationship, how will they be when life gets really serious? Would she stand by you if you lost your job? Would she stand by you if you got sick and bills mounted? Will she commit to you on cloudy days or will she flake out from stress and justify being with someone else? In the end, if they decide not to want us, they are incapable of fighting through storms to reach a true place of happiness, trust, faithfulness, and true freedom that comes from a couple reaching true security by standing by eachother. Edited March 26, 2015 by fireflywy 1
Author Twigyy Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I guess you guys have a point, but is it possible to fully heal? Cos I feel that it will be harder for me to find someone to love, after what happened. Not because I feel that my ex was perfect, but I don't think I can trust anyone with my heart anymore. it's so hurtful to be stepped all over and thrown away, how can people even get dumped so many times and be okay? 1
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I guess you guys have a point, but is it possible to fully heal? Cos I feel that it will be harder for me to find someone to love, after what happened. Not because I feel that my ex was perfect, but I don't think I can trust anyone with my heart anymore. it's so hurtful to be stepped all over and thrown away, how can people even get dumped so many times and be okay? Honestly, I don't know. I think there will be scars and residual effects, and you just gotta deal with them and work to overcome the obstacles you're confronted with when someone stomps on your heart. I say don't give up hope though and don't distrust others because of how you were treated, because it will have a ripple effect on the world. Easier said than done, but in time, you will slowly recover. I think people can be dumped so many times and be okay, because if it's not the path you were meant to be on, you eventually see that and therefore, it paves the way for something better. Destiny has a say, I think, in everything that happens. That's why you shouldn't stress too much. The hurt is to help you evolve. Without pain, you'd stagnate. You realize down the line, looking back, why it is the way it is. It sometimes takes a while to get to that point, but you will realize why it didn't work out, if it's not meant to work out... and if it is meant to work out, maybe the feelings linger forever and you reconnect. Only time will tell these things. Time, and a lot of work on being the best YOU that you can be. (not to be all army mantra on you) It's true though... 1
fireflywy Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I guess you guys have a point, but is it possible to fully heal? Cos I feel that it will be harder for me to find someone to love, after what happened. Not because I feel that my ex was perfect, but I don't think I can trust anyone with my heart anymore. it's so hurtful to be stepped all over and thrown away, how can people even get dumped so many times and be okay? In short, yes you will fully heal. I hate saying it will take "time" because we want it now! Lol but you will heal. You may be closed for a while and more hesitant to dip in the relationship waters next time, but the right person will open you up and give you new life. The truth is, while being left behind is hard, you do learn necessary things both about you and others. You are a mass of clay on a relationship spinning wheel. The wheel turns, the clay begins to take shape in the makers eyes, getting closer and closer to what he wants it to be, and then bamm! A small thing that cant be worked out or smoothed out occurs so the clay goes back to what it was. The maker then reworks it again, incorporating things from his/her prior attempt, reaching better perfection each time. There is nothing wrong with the clay, it just hasn't found the right form yet. We are the same way, we are both maker and clay. There is nothing wrong with us as long as we are willing to take on new shapes, new experiences in life, and learn from our past attempts. You will love again.
Satu Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Whatever you feel is what you are supposed to feel. Let your feelings come and go without judging them.
Satu Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I guess you guys have a point, but is it possible to fully heal? Cos I feel that it will be harder for me to find someone to love, after what happened. Not because I feel that my ex was perfect, but I don't think I can trust anyone with my heart anymore. it's so hurtful to be stepped all over and thrown away, how can people even get dumped so many times and be okay? After I had completed my healing I am happier, far happier, than I had ever been. At times the healing process was incredibly painful, but eventually it was done. Your healing will come to an end and you will be happy again. 1
Author Twigyy Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Whatever you feel is what you are supposed to feel. Let your feelings come and go without judging them. So what am I supposed to be going for? Other than understanding mistakes, getting myself distracted and pursuing goals.
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 So what am I supposed to be going for? Other than understanding mistakes, getting myself distracted and pursuing goals. Feel the feeling. Be with yourself feeling the feeling. Love yourself for being with yourself. Love yourself for being.
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