MovingOn9 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I am going through my first break up of my first real love. I have been told that the first one is the worst. Is this true? I keep thinking, if I have to risk going through something like this again, I never want another relationship the rest of my life. God this sucks.
guest569 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 My first thread on LS asked the same thing.. 15 months later i am not sure, I've had a few brief relationships since then and was fine. Those break ups didnt hurt as badly but I was not as invested. Anyway, you need time to heal before you even think about getting into another relationship.
Jimmyjackson Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Id like to think so, I'm 7 months out of mine and I still think of her from time to time. Not only was she my first but I lost my virginity to her too. I know now for the future things to look out for, how to act and I feel a lot wiser for future relationships. So yeah, I think the first will hurt the most and after that you'll kinda have an idea of how things work.
loveweary11 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 As an older person, I can say yes... definitely in the top 3 worst breakups. There is one worse though. Divorce after a lengthy marriage. 2
KatZee Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Yes. The first is absolutely the worst. It's because it's your first everything. First love. First time being intimate with someone. First split. Everything is new, you've never experienced it, so the emotions are just CRAZY. I remember my first breakup. I literally thought I was going to die. I became depressed. I stopped eating. I lost so much weight and every time I tried to eat I thought I was going to throw up. I'm pretty sure I was borderline eating disorder, not intentionally, but just because I could not eat. Friends stopped asking me to hang out, one actually told me: you make us all miserable. (what a bi$ch! ) I rebounded like crazy, I threw myself at everyone/anyone. I was pretty much a hot mess. That relationship only lasted, officially, for 9 months. I just did not know how to deal with losing the only person that had ever loved me up until that point, and who I thought I would marry. It took me a really long time to move on from him. It didn't help that I had so much guilt, and thought it was my fault the relationship ended. Years later I dated the 2nd guy I would come to love. We dated three YEARS. He dumped me and I went: *shrug* and walked out of his house, never to speak to him again. Sure, I had TONS of anger, but that lasted maybe 4 months and then it was done. The whole crazy wave of emotions was nothing like the first boyfriend.
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 For me it was incredibly difficult and immensely painful. However, deep in my heart, I knew it wasn't going to work. Took me a long time to get over him, but I eventually reached a point where I prayed for the best for him, without me. Took a few yrs. Looked him up online many yrs after the fact and uncovered the fact that he got married. It took me by surprise, and I felt a bit upset for some reason. It actually really reverberated with me, even after nearly a decade. Then, fast forward literally a month after I found out he got married, I met the guy I'm currently struggling to get over. Go freakin' figure. Bottom line: Never thought I'd meet someone who would capture my heart again. Yet, it happened, when I least expected it. The timing is kind of unique too... I mean, a month after I looked up my first ex and saw he was married and felt down about it, I then find this guy who melts my heart... (then breaks it... but oh well). This time is soooo different because in my heart it doesn't feel finished and it makes me so sad and depressed. Haven't talked to him in 3+ months and it hurts very much, and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. You'd think after a first love breakup, things would get easier... not so. For the purposes of addressing your main question though, it is an awful experience to get over a first love, but you can and will move on if it's not meant to be, and you will reflect on why it couldn't work, in time...
ZiggyZoo Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 For me, my first break-up wasn't the worst, it was the unexpected divorce after a long marriage, like loveweary11 said. However, I found a lot of strength in getting through my heartbreak. Yes, it was terrible to go through, but knowing that I could survive something so awful has given me courage to go back out and try again. So it'll get better, you'll be wiser, and life will go on. 1
Jimmyjackson Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Yes. The first is absolutely the worst. It's because it's your first everything. First love. First time being intimate with someone. First split. Everything is new, you've never experienced it, so the emotions are just CRAZY. I remember my first breakup. I literally thought I was going to die. I became depressed. I stopped eating. I lost so much weight and every time I tried to eat I thought I was going to throw up. I'm pretty sure I was borderline eating disorder, not intentionally, but just because I could not eat. Friends stopped asking me to hang out, one actually told me: you make us all miserable. (what a bi$ch! ) I rebounded like crazy, I threw myself at everyone/anyone. I was pretty much a hot mess. That relationship only lasted, officially, for 9 months. I just did not know how to deal with losing the only person that had ever loved me up until that point, and who I thought I would marry. It took me a really long time to move on from him. It didn't help that I had so much guilt, and thought it was my fault the relationship ended. Years later I dated the 2nd guy I would come to love. We dated three YEARS. He dumped me and I went: *shrug* and walked out of his house, never to speak to him again. Sure, I had TONS of anger, but that lasted maybe 4 months and then it was done. The whole crazy wave of emotions was nothing like the first boyfriend. I agree, first time for everything for me and I panicked and didn't know how to act, I think if I were to get dumped again, I'd just shrug it off like you did. I wouldn't hang around for a couple of weeks like I did on my first love.
kismetkismet Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I can't speak for everyone, but my first big break up was by farrrrrrr the worst. I thought I would die even though I was the one that did the breaking up... I mean until divorce most likely but I haven't been there. There's always the chance of another bad break up, but none of mine have been as bad as that one. Not even close (and I'm one week into a break up right now, so it's not just misremembering haha)
HBK3317 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Depends on how much you loved, were involved with the person. This is my third breakup and it's hurting like hell and makes my first one look like a walk in the park which at the time I thought I wouldn't be able to survive. It just depends upon the intensity with which the person was involved in your life and not the number of the relationship in my opinion. 1
batt Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 For me it was incredibly difficult and immensely painful. However, deep in my heart, I knew it wasn't going to work. Took me a long time to get over him, but I eventually reached a point where I prayed for the best for him, without me. Took a few yrs. Looked him up online many yrs after the fact and uncovered the fact that he got married. It took me by surprise, and I felt a bit upset for some reason. It actually really reverberated with me, even after nearly a decade. Then, fast forward literally a month after I found out he got married, I met the guy I'm currently struggling to get over. Go freakin' figure. Bottom line: Never thought I'd meet someone who would capture my heart again. Yet, it happened, when I least expected it. The timing is kind of unique too... I mean, a month after I looked up my first ex and saw he was married and felt down about it, I then find this guy who melts my heart... (then breaks it... but oh well). This time is soooo different because in my heart it doesn't feel finished and it makes me so sad and depressed. Haven't talked to him in 3+ months and it hurts very much, and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. You'd think after a first love breakup, things would get easier... not so. For the purposes of addressing your main question though, it is an awful experience to get over a first love, but you can and will move on if it's not meant to be, and you will reflect on why it couldn't work, in time... You'll get there!!! Its been 3 months still think of her everyday but I wish her the best, couldn't have said that a month ago.
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 You'll get there!!! Its been 3 months still think of her everyday but I wish her the best, couldn't have said that a month ago. Oh my gosh Batttttt!!!!!! I was thinking of you. You've made progress? This is such good news to hear.
Itspointless Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Does breaking a bone hurt less a second time because another fracture has healed? Knowing you will heal gives a bit more hope, but it does not has any influence in the severity of pain. Other factors do.
mightycpa Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Mine happened to be, but I don't think that's always true. A lot depends on your state of mind at the time, and how nice/painful the relationship is. Also, a lot depends on how it happened. Blindsided breakups are the worst, cheating is probably hard too, except you might get the gift of anger later. The gradual drip gets you used to it, and of course, being the dumper is generally the catbird seat in the whole scheme of things. I wouldn't worry about that right now. It will either be the worst, or it won't. In the future, you'll find you have very little say about who you will love and who you won't, and if the other person is like minded, you'll find yourself in a relationship before you know it. It takes a special breed of person to deny themselves when all parties are willing and able, just because it turned out bad before. Hope springs eternal.
Recommended Posts