mightycpa Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 1 she said isn't interested in dating other men as she isn't ready for me why would she be ready for someone else? 2 No I'm not dating anyone else. 3 not as of right now. 4 we text but she usually starts it. I hate to get too technical with you, but my original question, the one that strikes the heart of intent, is not whether she's interested, or whether you are dating others, the question was CAN SHE? CAN YOU? In other words, does this break allow for dating other people? You've answered half of this - you're not seeing each other socially. OK, that could be a hiatus, a cooling off period, or a break without necessarily meaning a break up. Now all we need to do is to figure out if each of you has the freedom to date without consulting the other further. If the answer is yes, then you are not exclusive, and if you're not dating "yet", then for all intents and purposes, you're broken up. If the answer is no, and you each must consult the other (and by that, I mean inform) before you go on that date, well, then you should really question why you would restrict yourselves like that when you aren't even enjoying each others' company. I will allow that perhaps this is a cultural thing, and is very normal where you come from. But I have to tell you, the very nature of her not wanting to date you, for whatever reason, usually means that she doesn't want to date you. And if she used to date you, and then came to this conclusion, you're broken up for all intents and purposes. We're almost at the answer. Please clarify us on that ability to date freely question, and we'll be able to determine if this is a break, or a breakup. Thanks
apeman101 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 When given a chance between HONOR that comes with consequences and LIE. Most women will choose the LIE ! 1
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I've been with my girlfriend for two months now You've only known her 2 months. You don't really know a person until at least 6 months. That's BARE minimum. You hardly know this girl, don't fool yourself. do I still contact her or leave her alone? You leave her alone. There is no other man and as far as her ex goes I know for a fact she wouldn't get back with him. . You hardly know this girl, you don't know whether there's another man and you don't know for a fact that she wouldn't get back with him, don't fool yourself into believing otherwise. What happens if NC doesn't work? N/C works to get your mind focused on something else so you won't waste your time and emotional energy on a person who isn't sure she even wants to be with you. It's not some sort of manipulative tool to win her back. She's already sent me a random text about Xbox controllers after I've done NC She was having a weak moment. If you hadn't responded, she would possibly have started wondering what was going on with you.. maybe you were thinking about moving on, maybe you met someone else.. but instead you were completely predictable and responded within an hour or two, aren't I correct? Next time don't respond. Mystery sells. Predictability is boring. I do believe for whatever reason that she is being sincere with what she is telling me. She's as sincere as she can be. She's seriously thinking about breaking up with you. She's not sure, she's confused. Don't make it easy for her by becoming an unattractive, clingy wuss that no woman would find attractive. She did move in with me after a month.. She stated that we didn't really get to take the time to get to know each other and because of that made us on edge because we aren't comfortable together yet to be living as one. You moved in together after.. 1 MONTH? WTF were you thinking? Fastest way to ruin what could be a good thing is too much too fast. You're like perfect strangers.. and you decide to cohabitate. That's completely and utterly reckless. And she's right about what she said about the effects of moving in together so fast. Too bad her common sense didn't prevent her from making the blunder in the first place. As her ex goes, I know their relationship was horrible and I know she wouldn't put herself back in that situation. She said that there isn't anything that she feels for him That's probably a lie but it's probably the least of your concerns right now. I've asked her multiple times where we stand and she says that right now it isn't fair to either of us to be in a relationship Clingy and WEAK. Don't you know how that comes across to her when you repeatedly ask "how do we stand"? Never, EVER do that again. Women want strong, independent, confident men, not a weakling who needs to be reassured that everything will be ok. That's what mommy is for. 1
NC-Thomas Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I respect everyone's input on the matter, however I do believe for whatever reason that she is being sincere with what she is telling me. I don't have any of the feelings as if she's being untruthful or doing anything out of the ordinary. Both of us do have issues that needed to be sorted out before we jumped into a relationship together. She did move in with me after a month, which I agree was too fast, but as of now she has collected her belongings and is living with a relative. She stated that we didn't really get to take the time to get to know each other and because of that made us on edge because we aren't comfortable together yet to be living as one. I don't believe there is another man. Call me blind or dumb, but we've both been cheated on in the past and I don't get the vibe that she would do anything like that. As her ex goes, I know their relationship was horrible and I know she wouldn't put herself back in that situation. She said that there isn't anything that she feels for him other than trying to get him home back to his home state because where we're now he doesn't have any family and is miserable here. I've asked her multiple times where we stand and she says that right now it isn't fair to either of us to be in a relationship where our past is still in the present. She affirmed that we aren't over and that when she gets through her emotional baggage that she would be OK with trying again, but now she needs time to get over everything that's stressing her out in life. I appreciate everyone advice and I hope this somewhat cleared up what kind of a break she asked for. Your behavior in this whole situation resembles that of a desperate and needy male. You are like a dog on a leash, and she can toss you around wherever she wants. Get some self-respect and show some boundaries. Take a good look at yourself and ask yourself: How did I become this needy person that needs validation and reassurance from a girl I clearly doesn't want to be with me? If there is one thing I know about women is that they are attracted to men that are willing to walk away. But i'm afraid her respect for you has already sunk as low as can be. You will learn when you take the blow. Learn from us and the blow will be less painful. We've all been there. You think your situation is different and special? Wake up. Now act like a man and distance yourself to gain some self-respect or let her take the distance and lose yourself with it. Edited March 27, 2015 by NC-Thomas 2
goldway90 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Hello I'm 28 and my girlfriend is 24. I've been with my girlfriend for two months now and everything is going good up until she said she needed a break. Her and I have got out of relationships before the end of 2014. We both have outside stress from our previous relationships and she thought that it isn't fair to either of us to be together until everything is worked out. She told me that she didn't know how long she needed and that she loves me and wants to be with me but not until all is worked out. I guess I'm just curious as to what I should do? I respect and in giving her the space and time she needs but do I still contact her or leave her alone? I want wait for her until our stress is cleared to be with her but I don't know what to do. There is no other man and as far as her ex goes I know for a fact she wouldn't get back with him. Any help is appreciated. Thank you all. I'm gonna be honest here, first this sounds like a rebound like it or not, second it's only two months and the word love is in the air? cmon red flag Look don't be naive here i can guarantee you that the Ex is back to the picture and probably trying to get her back ( it's always like this). This is why people don't date when you are not ready. You may not like my advice but right now she's your ex. Reading through the other posts i can tell one thing, she will drop the bomb "let's be friends, it's not you, it me" next time you talk, wanna know why? Well you are really needy, trying to force a relationship with her, turning her off completely kinda like saying " please gimme another chance, please don't leave we're meant to be together..." it's just 2 months! You are saying she's not dating anyone now, well i'm sure other guys are interested in her, adding the horrible relationship she had with her Ex that you seem so sure she's not going back to him! Advice time go NC and stop talking to her because you are going to lead yourself to the friendzone, i don't wanna ruin the party but i'm kinda worried about that EX of her, i hope i'm wrong cause this sounds really like the stories of " I decided to give my Ex another chance."
Strength in Healing Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Be easy on Z. Denial is a powerful thing. Reality will catch up with him and hit him hard enough. He knows in his heart you all spoke the truth. She is interested in another guy. The end. Embrace the pain that's coming. Think of yourself as a storm chaser and welcome the tornado.
lauri Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Be easy on Z. Denial is a powerful thing. Reality will catch up with him and hit him hard enough. He knows in his heart you all spoke the truth. She is interested in another guy. The end. Embrace the pain that's coming. Think of yourself as a storm chaser and welcome the tornado. I agree with you. However, I still want to try to save him from as much pain as possible. Z, hope you're doing okay man.
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