Can you analyze my dating mistakes... and then give me concrete steps to fix it?

[Garcon1986]

I can explain what I've done: In a nutshell the dates I've had, have lost interest by the 3rd-4th date. About another half were not interested after the first. My approach was to use online dating/ meet friends at work, then chat once or twice, then ask them out on a date. For those that had fun, I kissed them by date 1/ or 2, if their body language showed they had fun too. I generally work on bonding over common interests rather than putting up an alpha male persona, which I am very weak at. The level of intimacy that I use on date 1 or 2 is either kissing, or light shoulder/ elbow touching. I'm good at dancing which I have made into several dates.

 

My goal is somewhere in between friends with benefits and a long term relationship, i.e. I think I should be able to create and sustain physical attraction soon after I show that me and a lady get along. I'm not the cutest of the cute, but I take care of myself rather well and work out 6 days a week. I'm not quite where I would like to be. I look longingly at the couples who meet each other, bond over american football, and are living together after 2-3 months.

 

What are the fixes that are needed?

[Toodaloo]

You are getting dates so attraction is clearly not the problem.

 

It could be a couple of things.

 

You may come across as overly needy which will frighten them off

 

Or

 

It could be that they are just not for you

 

Or

 

It could be that you are "dull" and someone more exciting has come along...

 

Or

 

It could be something else entirely.

 

So I suggest that you pick yourself up. Dust yourself down. Smile and get on with it. Remember that its all just getting to know people. If you don't gel well that is just as OK as if you do.

 

Remember that everyone has ups and downs. Nothing is easy and dating and trying to find someone you get on well with is actually really hard.

 

Instead of making being with someone your goal how about being with that one special person.

 

Do not try to be anything other than yourself. But do take control of your life and emotions.

 

If I am honest this whole "alpha/ beta" thing is just nonsense in most womens eyes anyway. So don't worry about it.

[loveweary11]

I think you're over thinking it. You're being too methodical and not feeling the girl you're with, then doing what feels right.

 

You have a structure. A plan.

 

Getting girls interested is an art, not a science. It's about feelings, not schedules and analysis.

 

Have good conversations like you are saying you do. Spend a lot of time looking deep into her eyes. By doing this, you'll have a natural urge to kiss each other when it's right. That could be first date, second date or 3rd. Or you'll have sex in the first hour you meet her!

 

There is no timeline. To force one makes it unnatural.

 

And that alpha male crap is bs. A majority of women will run for the hills from a douche bag. Never act like one. Women pefer a different kind of strength that those guys pretending to be strong can't fake. And they can see right through it. So be yourself. Get in touch with your own feelings while dating and go with the flow.

 

It's an art. Keep practicing.

 

I can explain what I've done: In a nutshell the dates I've had, have lost interest by the 3rd-4th date. About another half were not interested after the first. My approach was to use online dating/ meet friends at work, then chat once or twice, then ask them out on a date. For those that had fun, I kissed them by date 1/ or 2, if their body language showed they had fun too. I generally work on bonding over common interests rather than putting up an alpha male persona, which I am very weak at. The level of intimacy that I use on date 1 or 2 is either kissing, or light shoulder/ elbow touching. I'm good at dancing which I have made into several dates.

 

My goal is somewhere in between friends with benefits and a long term relationship, i.e. I think I should be able to create and sustain physical attraction soon after I show that me and a lady get along. I'm not the cutest of the cute, but I take care of myself rather well and work out 6 days a week. I'm not quite where I would like to be. I look longingly at the couples who meet each other, bond over american football, and are living together after 2-3 months.

 

What are the fixes that are needed?

Edited March 26, 2015 by loveweary11

[SycamoreCircle]

I agree with the above post. There's no point in evaluating dating in a scientific, methodological manner. Except understanding that it is a number's game. The more women you meet, the more chances you have of connecting with someone you like who likes you back.

 

So, just keep putting yourself out there, taking chances. Loosen up a little bit. Be in the moment, not so concerned with what you want, what boxes the new woman checks.

 

And you enjoy dancing? Fantastic! That sets you apart from a lot of men. Start burning up the dance floors. Or...join a dance club. Here in NYC, loads of shapely, sexy women attend salsa clubs. If you can dazzle them physically on the dance floor, the rest should fall naturally into place.

[Frank2thepoint]

My goal is somewhere in between friends with benefits and a long term relationship

 

You're doing everything good from what you said, except for this gem above. You don't exactly know what you want, and when you interact with a woman, you probably send weird signals that confuses her, not sure if you are just looking for sex or for a relationship. Maybe you make sexual comments during the date, or you come on too strong with the kissing but don't sustain it with promises that you want more than physical benefits. Decide what you really want and stick to you it, so you express yourself clearly.