Why does it happen?

[Skinnyminnie]

I am new to LS and I have been reading many posts and I can definitely feel a lot of hurt and pain. I'm sorry to everyone who is currently going through a break up. It sucks. Plain and simple.

 

I was in a relationship that lasted 12 years. I have no memories of my own because I dedicated myself to this one person. I lost my identity. When he left, I was in denial. I didn't think he could hurt me. This guy has been gentle, kind, giving, and really had many great qualities. I knew he wasn't a communicator and I accepted that. His passive aggressiveness was met with my assertiveness. We meshed well until we didn't mesh well.

 

He left and blamed me. He met new friends and moved on within a month. It's been 3 months and I'm still here with the raw end of the deal. The short stick. Why do I have to bear all the pain? Why do the dumpers get to move on and not suffer like how we suffer? Yes, sure they suffer before they actually leave, but it's not the same.

 

My breakup came out of the blue. We were discussing wedding plans and had just made arrangements on where to live. Somewhere, sometime during all this, he met his new coworker and she was at the right place at the right time. In retrospect, I should've known that she was a threat. My ex had made the comment that this coworker had said he was too young to be engaged. Mind you we're 28 and she's 33 or 34. Like a fool, he fell for it. I don't get why he was "suffering" and "depressed" when we were in the middle of breaking up. His conscience? The guilt?

 

This could be a classic case of G.I.G.S., but with my ex, it's so much more different. He's stubborn. If he for one minute missed me, he would bury it. I know it. I'm sick to my stomach everyday because I still freaking love this person who I don't even know anymore. I'm sick of still wanting to be with him. I'm sick of wondering if he'll regret this. I'm sick of waiting. I'm doing everything I can to move on and gain back my normalcy. People like him don't change. He let his new friends and this girl change him. I thought he was strong willed and determined. I was very wrong.

 

It sounds strange, but I want him to hurt. I want him to suffer. I can't get the image of him hugging his new girlfriend out of my head. Although, he won't say gf, he says dating. It breaks my heart because I still care. Call it mean or call it human nature. He let so many people down. Those who support him were always the ones I feared.

 

I'm very emotional at this moment and I type what I feel. It's depressing - yes. But it helps me and I hope I get some feedback from anyone. Thanks for reading and I'm glad that there's a community out there that wants to help and give great advice.

[LYNNLH]

Hi Minnie..I totally understand how you feel. LTR is the worst to get over because we have dedicated so much of our lives to this person. (mine was 7 long years). I understand exactly the feelings of betrayal because we trusted them.

 

Please grieve. Please feel the sadness that engulfs you. Feel it and also feel free to hate this person. Forget all the bull about forgiving to move on.

 

Meantime..build a shield around you. Do the cliche and typical..block and delete and discard. Please snub mutual friends too (keep only those who stand by you..those who remind you of him..snub snub snub)..

 

Everyday remind yourself that you have a shield now..he cant hurt you anymore and you will not know anything about him anymore. Try imagining the shield around you like a force field..

 

Then slowly..let time help you move on.

 

I'm still quite fresh and healing as well..let's do this together dear

[ZiggyZoo]

Oh, I feel ya. My ex-husband (of seven years) dumped me for a woman he had met a month earlier at a bar. Completely out of nowhere, and once he was done, he was done. I was completely heartbroken at first, then got to angry about six months in. And I wanted him to suffer like nothing else too. I wanted the whore he left me for to dump him on his ass so he would know how it felt. He had a new apartment, new relationship, and freedom, while I had to try and figure out how to maintain my household (we have three girls together) and keep moving forward while my heart was just broken. I hated this, it seemed he just decided for me what the rest of my life was going to be like, and I had no say in it whatsoever. Oh, I hated that man more than anyone else. And yet, there were plenty of times where I still would have taken him back, I missed him so much. It was a mess.

 

HOWEVER, the good news is that I came through it all stronger and wiser than ever. I had an excellent therapist, great friends, and time doing its thing. And you will too. I know that it doesn't seem that it'll ever happen, but there will come a time when you will think of your ex and feel nothing. Hold to this, it WILL happen. It took me about two years for the complete apathy to take hold, but I was much, much improved in the first year. And I am convinced that if I could have done NC and not seen him at all, it would've been sooner. He used to push my buttons, and get me so pissed...not a good guy at all.

 

The end of the story is wonderful. He married the other woman two months after our divorce was finalized. They were together for three years, until she left him for his brother. On Christmas. Oh, I laughed my ass off when I heard it, but then I honestly felt a little bad for him. Karma overshot the mark a bit, with making it his own brother that she left for. Oh, man. But trust me, if I can hear that something like that happened and actually feel a bit bad for my ex, then anyone can come back from anything. Hang in there, time is your best friend.

 

And keep posting on here. I have had such great support and advice from the people on this site.