Girlfriend says I have annoying habit

[mattfair]

she says i have to o eveyrthing my way. when i make plans its my way

 

i disagree

 

 

if i ask if shes free for dinner this week she will sya "yes wednesday" then ill say ok how about applebees at 6?

 

she will say thats fine

 

 

she says its annoying because i dont giver her a choice of where to eat or choice on anything..if she doesnt wanna eat there alll she has to say is no

 

saturday we are doing somethng and she texted me today and said "im excited for it but when i think about it to much i get angry" i said "why?" and she said "becasuse you made the plans by doing that annoying thing where you just decide when and where we are going to do something" i said "well its been put off long enough" and she said "it doesnt matter"

 

i said "well youll have fun and wont be mad" and she said "ill just resent you" then i said" well next time lets work as a team and she said no thanks

 

im sort of pissed cuz shes making it seem like im a controlling one way ******* when im not

 

i know if i sat there and sai d"where you wanna eat?" shed say "i dont care"

[preraph]

i know if i sat there and sai d"where you wanna eat?" shed say "i dont care"

 

I think you should try that a few times anyway. I know it's screwy how some people want to just agree and then hold resentment later. I have a friend I dine with and she won't ever say where until I say where I want to go and then she doesn't want to go there but still won't say where. Recently she's dating and now her guy is taking her to the most out-of-they way strange ethnic places and she has a better appreciation for me. I told her, "I know how you are. You won't pick a place except to disagree. You need to suggest a place for him."

[compulsivedancer]

Next time she asks to meet up, just say "Okay, you think of where you'd like to go and let me know what time." Don't offer any opinions, just let her decide.

 

A lot of people have no idea how wishy-washy they are! Don't let her play the game where you go back and forth and she lets you decide anyway. Just tell her to decide and you'll be there! That should satisfy her if she truly wanted to make the choice. And if it doesn't, you know you have a high maintenance woman who will require you to play games with her.

[compulsivedancer]

Sounds like a radical feminist: never satisfied with anything and impossible to be in an openly-loving and non-clinical relationship. If she wants a choice then she can ask you out (and pay herself), you should tell her that nobody is forcing her to not ask you out.

 

Clearly feminism is the explanation! After all, women were so easy to get along with before feminism, and if she is annoyed by you, it's clearly her radical nature!

[wb1988]

Next time she asks to meet up, just say "Okay, you think of where you'd like to go and let me know what time." Don't offer any opinions, just let her decide.

 

Doormat much?

[preraph]

^ No. Doormat is her letting him decide every time, not him letting her have some input into where she wants to eat.

[compulsivedancer]

Doormat much?

 

Nope. Calling her out on her sh]t. Most people, male or female, have no idea how to make a choice like this. If she genuinely wants to, here's her chance. Otherwise, she just wants to spend 20 minutes playing the "where do we eat?" game.

 

It's a learning opportunity. If she's in the first camp, take turns deciding. If she's in the second camp, use this to start a conversation about why she's annoyed. Tell her to speak up if she wants to eat elsewhere, but that you can't fathom spending 20 minutes deciding.

[fitnessfan365]

Gentleman like to take care of the details. However, not all women have a traditional mindset. Some are a lot more progressive and really independent. So if you're looking for a woman that's a bit more traditional who appreciates you leading, then your GF might not be the one for you.

 

I will say that even though I love planning dates, I am not a control freak. If she voices an opinion about wanting to go somewhere else and that place has food I'd enjoy, I'm down. But all I ask s that she doesn't agree to plans, and the complain about it after the fact. That's a huge pet peeve of mine, and it sucks that your GF is doing that to you.

[preraph]

I think to put it into perspective, you have to think of it from the standpoint of, What if I marry this woman down the road?" Obviously, once you marry someone, they get to share in the decisions. So this is why smart women would want to get started off on the right foot and not get into a habit they have no intention of maintaining should the relationship progress to marriage. It is a bit of a tightrope because during dating, yes the guy is usually taking on the lion's share of the dating expense. I get that. But still, unless you just specifically want a woman to only eat where you want to eat the rest of your life, it's good form to include her in the discussion of where to eat and try to agree or if not agree, take turns deciding.