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Online dating: is it ok to let it known that you're not into sex before monogamy?

1Jessie86

By 1Jessie86
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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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Right now it's the first thing that's mentioned on my profile. Should I save this until after messaging them back and forth for a bit or leave it and let it known up front?

Sogemini88 Member

Sogemini88

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I would remove that from your profile as soon as possible. I think guys would read that and think things. When you get to know the guy then that can be discussed. Let them know you're not interested in a hook up, but an actual relationship. I commend you for wanting that!! Not a lot of women do, and from my experience with online dating, guys either think it's amazing and respect you for it, or they think you're weird and not with the times. It's called self respect, and if the guy doesn't appreciate or understand it, he's not the one!

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losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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I think you can include it in your profile, but put it further down on the page, and mention it in a way that's not so grave. You don't have to say, "I don't have sex before monogamy," but say something instead like, "looking for something long-term, not a fling."

 

Also, play around with it. If you don't like the results it gets you, then change it!

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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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I would remove that from your profile as soon as possible. I think guys would read that and think things. When you get to know the guy then that can be discussed. Let them know you're not interested in a hook up, but an actual relationship. I commend you for wanting that!! Not a lot of women do, and from my experience with online dating, guys either think it's amazing and respect you for it, or they think you're weird and not with the times. It's called self respect, and if the guy doesn't appreciate or understand it, he's not the one!

 

Hmm ok I removed it. It's been up all day. Maybe that's why no one has messaged me..

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JohnsonBaby Established Member

JohnsonBaby

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That would put a good 90% of men off ,we live in a world of instant gratification ,most men will think "ugh boring ".

Just put looking for a long term relationship .

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fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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Remove it from your profile and save the talk for a guy you're actually dating in person that you'd want to have sex with.

 

I'm a serial monogamist and only sleep with one woman at a time. So one sex enters into the picture, I'm only sleeping with her. But if I remember correctly, you subscribe to the 90 day "cookie" rule right? It's great to have principles and save sex for a guy that matters. However, when you're unable to live in the moment with that person, denying passion actually does more harm than good. So if you want to wait to have sex with the right guy, that's awesome. But once you find him, and you two are only seeing each other, don't hold out 90 days just to subscribe to a gimmick.

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Shining One Established Member

Shining One

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Monogamy is somewhat vague without context. I'm going to assume you mean that you won't have sex until you agree to be exclusive. There is no time frame associated with this. If you mutually agree to be exclusive with a man on the second date, does that mean sex is on the table at that point?

 

 

I recommend not putting it in your profile and saving it for your messaging back and forth. Many men will assume the "worst" and think you're a prude who will make them wait six months for sex.

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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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Remove it from your profile and save the talk for a guy you're actually dating in person that you'd want to have sex with.

 

I'm a serial monogamist and only sleep with one woman at a time. So one sex enters into the picture, I'm only sleeping with her. But if I remember correctly, you subscribe to the 90 day "cookie" rule right? It's great to have principles and save sex for a guy that matters. However, when you're unable to live in the moment with that person, denying passion actually does more harm than good. So if you want to wait to have sex with the right guy, that's awesome. But once you find him, and you two are only seeing each other, don't hold out 90 days just to subscribe to a gimmick.

 

 

Not 90 days but long enough to find out if they're willing to take the time to get to know me and if they're in it for the long run.

devilish innocent Established Member

devilish innocent

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I think that message will get you responses from most of the guys who are looking for an easy bed partner, and will keep away anyone who's searching for a relationship. If that's not what you want, then removing it was wise.

paigej91 Established Member

paigej91

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I, too, am inclined to say leave it off of your profile. However, there is an advantage to putting it on there. The men who are not put off by you saying that initially in your dating profile will not be intimidated or impatient with you when it comes to dating you. And you won't have to deal with the whole "figuring out what he's actually looking for" (versus what he says he's looking for).

 

That's the pro to including it, but the con (as others have said) is that it will eliminate more men faster. Could be good or bad, depending on your perspective. Sometimes dating is a numbers game, but it's also a lot of work to deal with more numbers :p

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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I wait until I am dating the guy before discussing that. If he invites me over, or starts groping me etc.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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There is absolutely no need to state the bleeding obvious on your dating profile.

 

If I tell you not to think of pink elephants, what's the first thing you think of? There is absolutely no need to mention sex on a dating profile, unless that's what you're seeking.

 

Your dating profile should be positive, upbeat and interesting.

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Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Blunt and to the point but pretty much bang on what I would have said.

 

Dating, especially OLD can feel like a minefield and while I appreciate the effort you're making to try and avoid potential heartbreak I don't think putting such bold declarations on your dating profile in bright lights is a wise move.

 

As much as you (and women in general) need to tread particularly carefully while dating online you also need to have a sense of humor and a good attitude. If you can't relax more then the whole experience will feel like drudgery and set you up for failure before you've even gotten out of the gates.

 

No sex before monogamy is an excellent and very respectable rule to have but one that should be reserved for a face-to-face conversation when the timing is right.

 

Good luck!

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted
There is absolutely no need to state the bleeding obvious on your dating profile.

 

If I tell you not to think of pink elephants, what's the first thing you think of? There is absolutely no need to mention sex on a dating profile, unless that's what you're seeking.

 

Your dating profile should be positive, upbeat and interesting.

 

Blunt and to the point but pretty much bang on what I would have said.

 

Dating, especially OLD can feel like a minefield and while I appreciate the effort you're making to try and avoid potential heartbreak I don't think putting such bold declarations on your dating profile in bright lights is a wise move.

 

As much as you (and women in general) need to tread particularly carefully while dating online you also need to have a sense of humor and a good attitude. If you can't relax more then the whole experience will feel like drudgery and set you up for failure before you've even gotten out of the gates.

 

No sex before monogamy is an excellent and very respectable rule to have but one that should be reserved for a face-to-face conversation when the timing is right.

 

Good luck!

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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You take it out of the profile and also you do not mention in the back and forth emails. Don't mention it. Just go on public dates only! That's all you need to do. If a man is asking you to go to his house to see his dog, it means he wants you to see his hot dog, and you graciously say, I am looking forward to doing that, but not today. You don't need to spell out things, it's a huge turn off and you'll be disappointed.

central Established Member

central

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You do need to mention it in the first couple of dates, or sooner, during email exchanges. More than likely, you won't get many subsequent dates, unless you are on a site geared to meeting people with similar views. I think you should pay your own way on dates, too, so that you won't be seen as using men. Most people these days do have sex early in the dating process. If you have different values, you should make those known so that you attract and meet compatible people. Otherwise, you are wasting their time and your own.

JPMC Established Member

JPMC

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Friend of a female friend of mine had a profile that said right at the beginning stated that she was an ultra liberal and if you weren't progressive need not apply

She was into the unitarian church and welcomed all of God's children

Practiced Paleo

Pictures of her children.

Looking for serious relationship only, no booty call.

 

Just came off as the most unfun person in the world. Kind of cute but too short for my liking. But she got dates! I couldn't believe it.

 

Then I found out my female friend fooled around with her. Go figure, fun or not.

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