esmith825825 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Sorry for the long post folks, but I don't know who else to ask. My ex and I were together for three and a half years. I will call her Ashley. About three years into our relationship, Ashley got extremely busy and i thought it might be better for us both if we don't see each other and broke it off. I had a breakdown two days later and called her to tell her i made a mistake but she said she wanted to be single. I realized it was really over and tried everything i could to forget her. (Dates, going out with friends, working harder, gym, etc) However, about two or three weeks later, Ashley texted me, and we met up. she said she'd been thinking about her ex whenever we would argue, idealizing her past relationship. She also said because of this, she didn't give our relationship a chance, and she finally realized that she was truly in love with me. She asked me to give this relationship another try. And I did. Soon after we got back together, my father passed away suddenly, and this caused me to have sudden emotional eruptions. On top of that, her ex, being extremely angry because Ashley came back to me, wrote me a message on facebook, saying that she cheated on me by sleeping with him in the very beginning of our relationship. I confronted her. she told me she never did, and i know she hasn't slept with him. but she did admit that she invited him over to stay because it was late that night. it took me about three months to start forgetting about my father's death and Ashley being unfaithful. I was so anxious every minute of my life, that maybe she was cheating on me, or that she hasn't called me a certain time so I should be worried. There was a point where I would get upset because she would go out with her friends (which i normally wouldn't have been upset about). I made my own imaginary problems in my head and it was not helping our relationship. So I started focusing on myself instead of being upset all the time about made-up issues, and I began to see a psychiatrist for help. Unfortunately last week, Ashley came over to my place and told me she had no desire to be with me any longer. She said she has thought about it for a while(We have spoken about it too), but every time she would bring it up, she thought i "convinced" her that she stays in this relationship. She said she loved me still, but it wasn't as strong as the very beginning when we first met. I was too upset the past few months because of a lot of things happening to me. And I treated her like ****. And for the first time, instead of trying to convince her, I told her she could do whatever she feels necessary. I really wanted to show her I respected her. I want to show her that I am the person she first met, the person she fell in love with, the person she laughs with, the person who respects her. But I was just going through a rough period of time. We were indeed madly in love at first. But my anger, depression, anxiety, has caused her to leave. As i know it, depression is a disorder, and a depressed person is not truly being who they are. Now that I am getting better, I can see it. I am finding myself finally. Is there anything I can do, to show her that I am not the person whom she fell out of love with, but instead the person she first met? Please help. And thank you so much.
Mi7522 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 There is only one fool proof way for you to show your ex that you are the person she first met and that is when they want to see it for themselves. All you can do is make yourself better in the mean time and rebuild your confidence but and this is a big BUT, if you are only willing to make changes for her and not yourself then she will never see it. Work on you for YOU! 1
Strength in Healing Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 First off, sorry about your father. I too lost a parent and know that pain. That's where our commonalities end. Understand this and accept it now: you can't convince her you're the person she first fell in love with. Because you AREN'T anymore. Sounds like she is romanticizing the honey moon stage, mistaking that for what is lacking in the present. To put it bluntly, she's probably an idiot. Also, she likely found another guy or went back to her ex again. She's emotionally unstable. And, like I said, probably in the lower end of average IQs if you catch my very clear drift. You can't save this. And most importantly, like it or not, it isn't worth saving. What you can do now is embrace the pain. Welcome it. Let it in and accept it. It will make you stronger in time. You're a shadow of what you're going to become. Her loss, really. 2
mightycpa Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Is there anything I can do, to show her that I am not the person whom she fell out of love with, but instead the person she first met? Please help. And thank you so much.On the day she met you, she met a guy who woke up that morning totally unconcerned with whatever she might do that day. That's the person she met. Do you really think you're ready to be that guy again? I doubt it, but that's who you're going to have to be. 3
Satu Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Be who you want to be for yourself. Don't try to be somebody else for somebody else. That road leads nowhere. 1
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 First off, sorry about your father. I too lost a parent and know that pain. That's where our commonalities end. Understand this and accept it now: you can't convince her you're the person she first fell in love with. Because you AREN'T anymore. Sounds like she is romanticizing the honey moon stage, mistaking that for what is lacking in the present. To put it bluntly, she's probably an idiot. Also, she likely found another guy or went back to her ex again. She's emotionally unstable. And, like I said, probably in the lower end of average IQs if you catch my very clear drift. You can't save this. And most importantly, like it or not, it isn't worth saving. What you can do now is embrace the pain. Welcome it. Let it in and accept it. It will make you stronger in time. You're a shadow of what you're going to become. Her loss, really. For some reason, i have started reading all your posts in a robot voice... I... FIX... THINGS..... Beep beep.. beep. beep beep.. Joking, mate!
Author esmith825825 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Thank you for your answers. I know that she can not go back to her ex. She really hates him. And he hates her more. I know it does not seem realistic to get back with her. But I feel as if she hasn't had a chance to see the real me. The way I was when I met her was long gone because of my depression. Is there anything I can do?
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