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Lets set the rules! Begging vs Pleading... When to stop?

Karin2rinkashi

By Karin2rinkashi
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lil hoodlum Established Member

lil hoodlum

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Through out the relationship, she was the one chasing, i never GAVE a single ****.

 

 

 

This part of your post stood out to me.

 

 

Maybe she got tired of chasing you and never receiving a single ****.

 

Maybe she found someone else to chase who would at least give her a single ****.

 

 

 

I think it is good that you are an Alpha male and all, but there really does need to be a balance. Lead the relatioship where that both partners feel that their wants and needs are being taking care of.

 

Don't know your whole story and don't mean to presume anything.

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

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Eh also understand this anger phase will wear off. Pain and missing her is going to come and come hard. Be ready for that. We go through many phases. But in time the good outweighs the bad.

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Karin2rinkashi Established Member

Karin2rinkashi

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This part of your post stood out to me.

 

 

Maybe she got tired of chasing you and never receiving a single ****.

 

Maybe she found someone else to chase who would at least give her a single ****.

 

 

 

I think it is good that you are an Alpha male and all, but there really does need to be a balance. Lead the relatioship where that both partners feel that their wants and needs are being taking care of.

 

Don't know your whole story and don't mean to presume anything.

 

You are right.... i think something like that happened....

 

The last time we talked.... LAST LAST TIME.... She said "Since i have moved the relationship has changed completely.... You don't pick my calls, don't do this don't do that...."

 

I said " WHY DID YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING? You just went and found anther person? You never communicated..."

 

 

And also, i am not too worried about my image in her head.... Because her self esteem is in the earth's core.... I promise you that!

 

She has NO, like, stance... You can run over her ideas and thinking if you want... Easily manipulated and easily convinced..... Never makes a decision on her own and always needs a shoulder to fire her gun.... And i could never go to her for advice because she would lose me in the middle of my complicated issues....

 

 

Now that i think about it.... At least i don't have to deal with all that crap...

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
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The funny thing is that i KNOW i KNOW she isn't not going to find anyone like me..... She is so stupid.... How can you not see what you have? I feel more disrespected than hurt.... That bitch!
I have to say, I always find this line of thought hilarious. You know, you're not a diamond, where the jeweler evaluates you for color, clarity, carats and cut. You do not exist on some hierarchy where women assign you some number based on your characteristics and you move up and down the ladder relative to other men.

 

Rather, we are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle where fit is more important than the quality of the picture, or whether you're an interior piece vs. a side or a corner.

 

I think that's why some people who would otherwise work out end up not working out. It's not because you're some level of good or bad. You either fit well, or you don't.

 

It's really nothing personal. I know it feels personal, but it usually isn't.

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

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Cpa, that was quite an insightful and refreshing post. Perhaps I could take that advice too lol

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lil hoodlum Established Member

lil hoodlum

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I'm not trying to pick you apart or anything.

 

Relationships can be tricky sometimes.

 

 

I don't think it really ever works out very well when one person is shouldering most of the relatioship work. Maybe as an Alpha type male you took on too much responsiblity of the relatioship, hence why she didn't say anything. Doesn't make what she did fair or just to you. If she had issues or problems with the relationship she should have opened up and expressed her opinion. You're not a mind reader.

 

 

Anyways, sounds like you are doing better without her.

  • Like 2
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Karin2rinkashi Established Member

Karin2rinkashi

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I have to say, I always find this line of thought hilarious. You know, you're not a diamond, where the jeweler evaluates you for color, clarity, carats and cut. You do not exist on some hierarchy where women assign you some number based on your characteristics and you move up and down the ladder relative to other men.

 

Rather, we are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle where fit is more important than the quality of the picture, or whether you're an interior piece vs. a side or a corner.

 

I think that's why some people who would otherwise work out end up not working out. It's not because you're some level of good or bad. You either fit well, or you don't.

 

It's really nothing personal. I know it feels personal, but it usually isn't.

 

The way you are describing it, we have to assume that the puzzle pieces are always in the same shape. In reality, people are always changing. So the puzzle is always changing. It is not as simple as finding someone who fits you perfectly... Otherwise, we both fit each other... But either her wants changed or the attention got the best of her...

 

In short, how i see relationships....

 

Two people who come together are like two rocks that end up together. These two rocks don't fit each other well as they come together (Individuality) but as they stay together, and face the pressure and heat of time. As the storms come by, the sun shines, the rains rain, the snows snow, and earthquakes happen... These rocks eventually start taking shapes to accommodate each other.... and in the end, you find these beautiful combined rocks that look like as if they were made to fit each other from the beginning....

 

I think that really goes better with the relationships, while also keeping in mind the changing human personality and habits.

 

 

But it took time and commitment....

 

 

Just my idea...

gnick Established Member

gnick

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You are looking at it in a wrong way, She was an EX don't go to her about the **** you have in your life unless you have no feeling for her and want her as friend, that's not what you want.

 

Maybe at the start of the relationship you were the ALPHA male but my friend being a dominant alpha doesn't mean not giving a flying f*@ck it's the opposite. Alpha mean you can lead, decisive and confident, when your girl is venting about her feelings it's up to you to validate them and make her feel SAFE. You became needy and that's why you turned her off.

 

She was already an Ex, she doesn't care about what your going in your life after you break up,she was enjoying the company of the other guy and you called her!! basically friendzoned yourself and went from the Alpha to the the emotional tampon and believe me she was happy to vent to you about her life.

 

I'd say the time you went to her at your weakest point ( wonder why you picked her!) you were trying to get her feel some sympathy for and maybe that would change her mind, that's why you are pissed. What you don't understand or you refuse to is what you had was over, it's you're not her problem, SHE WAS DONE WITH YOU.

 

Here's a rule : Once a women is done with you, there's no reason for you to go and vent about your life to her, unless you wanna FRIENDZONE yourself.

 

When the woman is done with me I like to validate her decision by writing lengthy Emails plenty of texts and calls about what went wrong untill she ignores all communication attempts .I then continue for another 2 or 3 months maybe throw a few gifts on her front door letters on her car etc. After a little of that I figure were even then I'm good to go

  • Like 6
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Karin2rinkashi Established Member

Karin2rinkashi

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when the woman is done with me i like to validate her decision by writing lengthy emails plenty of texts and calls about what went wrong untill she ignores all communication attempts .i then continue for another 2 or 3 months maybe throw a few gifts on her front door letters on her car etc. After a little of that i figure were even then i'm good to go

 

lol! Lol! Lol!

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
When the woman is done with me I like to validate her decision by writing lengthy Emails plenty of texts and calls about what went wrong untill she ignores all communication attempts .I then continue for another 2 or 3 months maybe throw a few gifts on her front door letters on her car etc. After a little of that I figure were even then I'm good to go

That is too funny! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Truly a 4 ROLF post!

Mi7522 Established Member

Mi7522

Posted
Posted
When the woman is done with me I like to validate her decision by writing lengthy Emails plenty of texts and calls about what went wrong untill she ignores all communication attempts .I then continue for another 2 or 3 months maybe throw a few gifts on her front door letters on her car etc. After a little of that I figure were even then I'm good to go

 

Classic post!

darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

Posted
Posted

Anything other than accepting the breakup is begging and pleading in the dumpers eyes. Any additional questions or I love you's or I miss yous is pleading. As someone who has begged and pleaded, I can pinpoint this disgraceful behavior.

 

Funny enough, my favorite part of this post was where you said 'I want you but I don't need you." I said the same thing to my ex. The problem was he needed me but didn't want me.

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EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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When you called her the next day to say you were done and she begged you to stay on her backburner that is when you blew it. You drove to her. You needed to stick to your guns. You had the opportunity to allow her to feel your loss instead you gave her the keys to the kingdom.

  • Like 1
Auspecial Established Member

Auspecial

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I think the distance is taking its toll and one of you has to move if there is any hope at all. Sooner or later (probably sooner, sorry) one or both of you is going to get fed up and you are both seeing each others worst sides at this moment.

 

Something has to give.

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Karin2rinkashi Established Member

Karin2rinkashi

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When you called her the next day to say you were done and she begged you to stay on her backburner that is when you blew it. You drove to her. You needed to stick to your guns. You had the opportunity to allow her to feel your loss instead you gave her the keys to the kingdom.

 

BLUNDER!!!!! I FREAKIN KNOOOW!!!!

 

I KNOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!

 

I drove 5 hours... she drove 7....

 

BUT I KNOW!!! WHAT A BLUNDER!

badpenny Established Member

badpenny

Posted
Posted
BLUNDER!!!!! I FREAKIN KNOOOW!!!!

 

I KNOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!

 

I drove 5 hours... she drove 7....

 

BUT I KNOW!!! WHAT A BLUNDER!

 

So, to answer your above (Thread-title) question....?

 

Don't even start... The moment it's over - it's over.

Let it lie, walk away, dignity and integrity intact and never look back.

 

The Dumpee should never do anything towards reconciliation.

It's up to the Dumper to change their minds.

 

But always learn to distinguish between the genuine re-think, and breadcrumbs.

 

Sadly, far more often than not, any contact from a Dumper, will be the latter, and not the former.

 

Got it now...? ;)

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Karin2rinkashi Established Member

Karin2rinkashi

Posted
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So, to answer your above (Thread-title) question....?

 

Don't even start... The moment it's over - it's over.

Let it lie, walk away, dignity and integrity intact and never look back.

 

The Dumpee should never do anything towards reconciliation.

It's up to the Dumper to change their minds.

 

But always learn to distinguish between the genuine re-think, and breadcrumbs.

 

Sadly, far more often than not, any contact from a Dumper, will be the latter, and not the former.

 

Got it now...? ;)

 

Got it..... But what a ****ing disgrace... She had so many of them lined up already.... **** HER

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