BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I've read a few threads on here, have read articles and have heard other people that I've known personally or as acquaintances taking back their partner or spouse that has cheated on them. More often than not, the cheater ends up re-offending and the other person is left even more heartbroken than before. I've only heard of a few instances where the cheater had never cheated again, but the other person was always left wondering if they could ever trust them again. To answer my own question, NO. I would NEVER take back a cheater. I may eventually forgive them one day for my own peace of mind; but I would NEVER (and could NEVER) trust someone who cheated on me sexually or emotionally. I had been cheated on once when I was in college, and it hurt...right down to the core of my being. It had devastated me - but, it also made me stronger and WISER. Would you take back a cheater if they promised you up and down that they will never cheat on you again? Could you ever forgive someone who cheated on you? What if you were dating someone exclusively for a few months and found out that they cheated on you by continuing to date and have sex with other people? Would you forgive them and continue dating them, or would you say goodbye to them? .
orangetree Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 No, no and no. I share your opinion, I would never take back a cheater, reasons and explanations don't matter to me. There is no excuse for cheating. 1
jen1447 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Would you take back a cheater if they promised you up and down that they will never cheat on you again? Assuming the cheating was based around a lie, no. I wouldn't mind the outside sex so much as the lying. Liars usually keep lying. Could you ever forgive someone who cheated on you? I don't have grudge issues, so sure, I'd forgive them right away. Doesn't mean I'd ever roll with them again tho. My attitude would be that I was sort of humored by it all, like "Aw, don't feel bad hon, I forgive you. Maybe we'll see each other around. :)" What if you were dating someone exclusively for a few months and found out that they cheated on you by continuing to date and have sex with other people? Would you forgive them and continue dating them, or would you say goodbye to them? Same as above. I really can't see that happening tho. I'm difficult to hoodwink because I know all the tricks.
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 . OrangeTree, I agree with you 100%. Assuming the cheating was based around a lie, no. I wouldn't mind the outside sex so much as the lying. Liars usually keep lying. I don't have grudge issues, so sure, I'd forgive them right away. Doesn't mean I'd ever roll with them again tho. My attitude would be that I was sort of humored by it all, like "Aw, don't feel bad hon, I forgive you. Maybe we'll see each other around. :)" Same as above. I really can't see that happening tho. I'm difficult to hoodwink because I know all the tricks. Wow, your attitude towards this is nothing short of amazing! I admire your ability to be able to forgive a guy right away who sexually cheated on you with someone else. I definitely wouldn't be able to do that until enough time had passed and the hurt in my heart had dissipated. .
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Each situation and circumstances will determine if a cheater is worth forgiveness or not. I have forgiven cheating and he simply cheated again and again. I have friends who had been married since the age of 16 and 18 and by the time they got 30 he cheated. They went to marriage therapy and worked through it. They have been married for 30 years now. My friend told me their marriage was better after the cheating. I know another couple the same thing happened, he got cold feet and cheated before their marriage. They now have been married for 20 years, 2 children, beautiful marriage. I know another couple, geez Montrealers are a bunch of cheaters aren't they lol. She cheated on him, came back pregnant, he took her back and raised the baby as his own. I told this story more than once here. She ended up dying of cancer 5 years after the birth of her daughter and he raised her as his own. I think answering this question is more complicated than just answering a yes or a no. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I've never faced the situation but I always thought especially in a dating situation that I might be inclined to forgive a single slip, especially if it was only a make out session, and the other person was sincerely remorseful, but I could not forgive a 2nd ongoing relationship. In marriage context, it would be much more difficult if not impossible to overcome. One factor may be my role in it. Like if I was in a coma for years & DH sought comfort somewhere else, I could probably work through that but it would be tough.
Vintage79 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 It's simple for me - I'd dump them immediately and never look back. To me a relationship is built on trust, and consequently, cheating effectively destroys the relationship because it destroys the trust. Moreover, since I had already given that person a chance, I don't see any need to revisit them and attempt to rebuild the trust from scratch (actually, it would likely be easier to build trust with someone new, as the waters wouldn't be tainted). 1
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Each situation and circumstances will determine if a cheater is worth forgiveness or not. I have forgiven cheating and he simply cheated again and again. I have friends who had been married since the age of 16 and 18 and by the time they got 30 he cheated. They went to marriage therapy and worked through it. They have been married for 30 years now. My friend told me their marriage was better after the cheating. I know another couple the same thing happened, he got cold feet and cheated before their marriage. They now have been married for 20 years, 2 children, beautiful marriage. I know another couple, geez Montrealers are a bunch of cheaters aren't they lol. She cheated on him, came back pregnant, he took her back and raised the baby as his own. I told this story more than once here. She ended up dying of cancer 5 years after the birth of her daughter and he raised her as his own. I think answering this question is more complicated than just answering a yes or a no. Gaeta, I agree with you that each situation and person is different. All in all, it's up to the person who was cheated on as to whether they can (or SHOULD) forgive the cheater or not. It's also up to them as to whether they can TRUST the cheater again if they ever took them back. I mean, look what happened to you - but then, look what happened to your friend. Some cheaters will never cheat again if they're taken back, and other cheaters will keep on cheating because....well, they have no integrity or honesty within themselves. .
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