Eighty_nine Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm wondering what the general consensus is about this. Is the common thought that if you were in a serious relationship for a year or more and it ends, stay single for awhile to recover and regroup, but if it was a shorter relationship, go ahead and get back on the dating training? I've never understood what's really the best way to go.
losangelena Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm not sure there's one "right" way. It depends on the person and the relationship. Do whatever feels right. Last year, when a relationship ended after only six weeks, I still took a month off to not date anyone. No, we weren't too serious, but I needed that "time off" so to speak, to process and figure out a new way to proceed. If the guy I'm dating now decided to end things, I know I would not feel comfortable getting back out there right away. Some people like to jump right back in, though. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 For me it was more about who ended it. If I did, generally I thought long & hard so I was done by the time I pulled the trigger & broke up. If I was dumped, I needed more time to regroup & lick my wounds. You should date when you feel ready. Not before. 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 If that relationship didn't last very long, you should still take some time away from dating to heal yourself emotionally and mentally before dating again, even if it's only for a few weeks or a couple of months. However, if the relationship lasted longer, then you should probably take more time away from dating to emotionally and spiritually heal. It's hard to give of yourself to someone else if you're still hurting inside from a break up or if you haven't resolved certain things about the break up. Trust me, you don't want to rebound; even if that's not your intention. How did the wedding go, Lissvarna? Were you able to at least enjoy some aspect of your best friend's special day? .
Vintage79 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Recovery time is a function of a variety of things, but in the end, the biggest factor is how emotionally connected to the individual you were when you broke up. Examples: At one point, I had gotten out of a ~7 year relationship, that was arguably dysfunctional in the sense that it was long distance for the last 2 years - nothing between us was ever bad, it's just that it had spiraled into an effectively platonic relationship, and I didn't really appreciate that until we called it quits. As such, there was minimal residual emotional connection at break up. I processed it for a week or two - and found it incredibly easy to move on, so I started dating others pretty quickly and that worked out fine...there wasn't any fallout with the next people that I dated and it seemed comfortable. Another relationship I had that lasted about two years, was emotionally charged to the end - I needed a breather after the break-up to process, resolve lingering emotional connections, etc...I didn't get seriously back into the dating pool for about 6 months, and I think it took almost a year to genuinely start dating someone again. What this will generally translate into is the individual leading the break-up will likely be back in the dating pool earlier than the dumpee - as they've had (hopefully) time to process the change and begin to break the emotional connections. As you can see, I was the same person and processed things totally different depending on the residual emotional connection following the break-ups. As such, recovery time is more than just person-specific, it's relationship specific. 1
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