What are some ways to "break the ice" on a first meet and greet from a online dating?

March 25, 2015

That is where I tend to struggle, the first 5 mins of meeting someone which has been the cause of my last two meets going south

What are some ways you have broken the ice when meeting someone?

Thanks

March 25, 2015

There's usually no trick to it - this may not be what you want to hear, but I've found that if you need to resort to icebreaker conversation topics in the first 5 minutes, it's kind of a lost cause, in particular if you've been chatting with them online already (so you should know something about them). Conversation should just flow, from hello and a few comments about the location you're at, or what you're doing, a brief blurb about something that you happened to you that day, asking about them, maybe a comment on how they look, etc. Keep it lighthearted and real and you should be fine. If you have to ask them a quirky, lame ice breaker question, it's rare to see them again.

I'm not sure how accurate this statistic is, but what's frequently cited is that 93% of a woman's first impression has nothing to do with what you say (the tone of your voice is more important that the exact words) - so just be confident, look good, and have non-threatening mannerisms, and you're 93% of the way to a decent first impression, which should allow you to coast through the first 5 minutes. The need for an ice breaker questions effectively brings into question your confidence (at least in my view), which is why that line of questioning doesn't go over too well after you've had a few e-mail exchanges.

March 25, 2015

I agree that it's very challenging to break the ice. I think the less time spent chatting online and/or texting before meeting in person the better. If you cover all the 'getting to know you' stuff through chat/text, it can be hard to find something to talk about when you do finally meet.

That being said, I usually try to cover the basics if I'm trying to lead the conversation. Does your date have children, how many, what are their ages, what are your date's interests/hobbies, what do they do for work, etc. Then, I have my 'list' of favorite questions, which I think provide great insight into who a person is, but are also just fun questions to ask. What is your idea of a perfect Saturday? If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? If you could have lunch with any historical figure, who would it be, why and what would you discuss?

Obviously, leading these questions should be done more conversationally than like a q&a session, but you get the idea. I know that when I'm on a date and the guy I'm with asks me well thought questions about myself, it makes me feel like he is truly interested in me and I open up much easier.

March 25, 2015

I agree that it's very challenging to break the ice. I think the less time spent chatting online and/or texting before meeting in person the better. If you cover all the 'getting to know you' stuff through chat/text, it can be hard to find something to talk about when you do finally meet.
That being said, I usually try to cover the basics if I'm trying to lead the conversation. Does your date have children, how many, what are their ages, what are your date's interests/hobbies, what do they do for work, etc. Then, I have my 'list' of favorite questions, which I think provide great insight into who a person is, but are also just fun questions to ask. What is your idea of a perfect Saturday? If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? If you could have lunch with any historical figure, who would it be, why and what would you discuss?
Obviously, leading these questions should be done more conversationally than like a q&a session, but you get the idea. I know that when I'm on a date and the guy I'm with asks me well thought questions about myself, it makes me feel like he is truly interested in me and I open up much easier.

all those questions are fine but I was referring to the first 3 to 5 minutes which is when I struggle. And I think it;s mainly because I never approached a woman in public so the fact that I have to play that role makes me slightly uncomfortable

March 25, 2015

all those questions are fine but I was referring to the first 3 to 5 minutes which is when I struggle. And I think it;s mainly because I never approached a woman in public so the fact that I have to play that role makes me slightly uncomfortable

You're putting too much pressure on yourself - just ask her about her day, comment on the location, or worst case, ask her about something in her profile. It's always good to jokingly tease a bit. You must know what it's like to start a conversation with someone you don't really know - guy, girl, old, young, meet in the elevator, the 7-11, whatever, there's no reason to treat this any different just because it's a "date".

If you were going to start a conversation with one of your friends, how would that go? Just play the same game here.

March 25, 2015

When I did OLD and met someone for the first time, I always started out by saying "it's so nice to meet you in person finally!". And then I would say the truth "why am I so nervous? I feel like I already know you."

Assuming you've been chatting awhile beforehand.

Although, a woman can get away with that easier than a man can.

It broke the ice cause it gave the man a chance to say "oh so I make you nervous?" (wink wink). And then the teasing would start, easing the tension.

March 25, 2015

Go for the hug and the cheek kiss, every time.

March 25, 2015

For goodness sake smile.

One of the worst things you can do is look grumpy when you meet someone new. Be happy and enjoy it and SMILE.

But most of all just be interested. How was your journey? What do you think of this/ that?

Don't think that you have to agree with everything. Breathe and treat it as though you are just having a chat with your neighbour... about their cat... and the weather...

This is just another person. You are not going to know for a while if you like them or not so you are just figuring them out. You are not trying to snog/ shag/ propose/ have babies/ buy a house etc. You are just saying hello... Thats all.

March 25, 2015

To be honest, I've never really thought about it and hasn't been an issue. I think it's because I have a real life dating mindset and don't think of it as a "first meet".

If she hasn't lied about herself, I walk right up and hug her. Then during the hug since our faces are close, I'll speak softly into her ear complimenting her physically (direct but respectful). Then let my hand slide down to her lower back and gently lead her where I want her to go. If it's into a building, I then open the door her. Or if we're outside, I just get us walking around chatting. Tease her about something from the phone conversation, etc and it takes care of itself.

But even though I break the touch barrier instantly, I always hang back and give her plenty of space on the date itself. The last thing a woman wants is a guy acting like a horny teenager. However, the combo of speaking into her ear and leading by the lower back are two things women LOVE. So it sets the right tone from the get go on the type of guy that I am.

March 25, 2015

You're putting too much pressure on yourself - just ask her about her day, comment on the location, or worst case, ask her about something in her profile. It's always good to jokingly tease a bit. You must know what it's like to start a conversation with someone you don't really know - guy, girl, old, young, meet in the elevator, the 7-11, whatever, there's no reason to treat this any different just because it's a "date".

If you were going to start a conversation with one of your friends, how would that go? Just play the same game here.

Give me an example of teasing early on a first date

March 25, 2015

When I did OLD and met someone for the first time, I always started out by saying "it's so nice to meet you in person finally!". And then I would say the truth "why am I so nervous? I feel like I already know you."

Assuming you've been chatting awhile beforehand.

Although, a woman can get away with that easier than a man can.

It broke the ice cause it gave the man a chance to say "oh so I make you nervous?" (wink wink). And then the teasing would start, easing the tension.

what is an example of teasing that eased the tension?

March 25, 2015

I got called "trouble"... that was fun and probably quite apt... Mind you that wasn't an OLD thing but it could work...

SMG be yourself!

March 25, 2015

I got called "trouble"... that was fun and probably quite apt... Mind you that wasn't an OLD thing but it could work...

SMG be yourself!

What do you mean you got called trouble?

March 25, 2015

what is an example of teasing that eased the tension?

Oh just him teasing me about how nervous I am... (for example). and why, and then me denying it, and just the usual banter that goes along with that. I dunno, you just gotta play it by ear.

But I think teasing and light-hearted banter is a GREAT way to ease the tension and break the ice.

I don't go for men who are too serious... but that's just me.

And no offense ff, cause you know I adore you, but your approach wouldn't work for me...too "player-like" .... even though, I know that's not your intention. But upon first meeting, I would "not" know that.

But who cares what I think....apparently it's been working for ya...so why change what works!

March 25, 2015

less time spent chatting online and/or texting before meeting in person the better. If you cover all the 'getting to know you' stuff through chat/text, it can be hard to find something to talk about when you do finally meet.

I agree 100% with that thought process.....but I would have a better chance at hitting the lottery then to find a woman with the same point of view in the online dating world. Five years off and on dating sites for me and not one woman has ever wanted to spend "less time chatting online or texting" before meeting in person.

When I meet a woman in person for the first time, I have a "no expectation" mindset. The only shred of expectation I may have is the reality of it not working out. I literally dont even care anymore one way or another. I be myself, and engage the woman the same way I do with a friend or family member. I dont have those "nervous jitters" worrying about trying to get her to like me. Or censoring what I talk about so I our opinions dont clash.

Asking someone about their job is usually a good topic. Or asking where they grew up, if they moved to your area recently.

March 25, 2015

You make small talk. There is an art to it but anybody can learn.

Mention something from her profile or something that she said / wrote in your earlier interactions. Talk about the weather. Talk about the place you are (Have you ever been here before? What's good?)

Nobody expects sparkling conversation but most will appreciate the effort to find common ground.

Do break the touch barrier earlier rather that later but be careful about going for the initial hug. I literally stepped back & out of their grasp when men from OLD tried to hug me hello. That was too much contact too soon for me. A handshake was just fine, thank you very much. Read her body language because some women do like that initial hug.

March 25, 2015

I walk right up and hug her. Then during the hug since our faces are close, I'll speak softly into her ear complimenting her physically (direct but respectful). Then let my hand slide down to her lower back and gently lead her where I want her to go.

That paints a picture of John Travolta like creepy all over it

March 25, 2015

What do you mean you got called trouble?

Dude, you need explanation on the simplest of male/female interaction. I'm starting to see why you're not doing well.

"Trouble" is a playful nickname. Based on what I know about Toodalo so far on the forums, she's sarcastic, playful, and funny. Plus, I get a really feminine, sexy vibe from her. So chances are, she showed up looking good with that personality of hers. If I was the guy in that situation, I'd tease her about being a trouble maker too.

March 25, 2015

What do you mean you got called trouble?

The chap I was meeting gave me a big smile and said "Hello Trouble how are you?"

I think you need to practice meeting random strangers... Start talking to people when you go shopping and stuff like that. Thats how I did it. Now I can talk to almost anyone anywhere. In fact I am bit of a nightmare for it now... my friends all think I am mad...!

Friday, I was in the car park and had a load of time left on my ticket. Gave the ticket to a lady that had just turned up. By the end of 5 minutes I had learnt it was her birthday, that she had a horrible day up until that point, that she was very worried about a sick family member and had also had massive big hugs...

Random - but she and I both went away from that encounter smiling.

I used to spend my life on my own. I would go weeks with out contact with another human... If I can learn so can you! Exactly the same principles apply when meeting someone for the first time...

But it really does help if you smile. I have had 2 that didn't smile at me and both times I wanted to walk away... In fact perhaps I should have done, because they were not so great dates...

March 25, 2015

You make small talk. There is an art to it but anybody can learn.

Mention something from her profile or something that she said / wrote in your earlier interactions. Talk about the weather. Talk about the place you are (Have you ever been here before? What's good?)

Nobody expects sparkling conversation but most will appreciate the effort to find common ground.

Do break the touch barrier earlier rather that later but be careful about going for the initial hug. I literally stepped back & out of their grasp when men from OLD tried to hug me hello. That was too much contact too soon for me. A handshake was just fine, thank you very much. Read her body language because some women do like that initial hug.

AND THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHY I STRUGGLE IN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES

I never ever been good at small talk

For example

I ran into a male coworker on the train yesterday and didn't know what to talk about because there was no basketball game the night before so I pretended to be sleepy and had my eyes close.

I need to get better at small talk

March 25, 2015

"Trouble" is a playful nickname. Based on what I know about Toodalo so far on the forums, she's sarcastic, playful, and funny. Plus, I get a really feminine, sexy vibe from her. So chances are, she showed up looking good with that personality of hers. If I was the guy in that situation, I'd tease her about being a trouble maker too.

Sweetie you have just made my day!

Thank you!

March 25, 2015

You make small talk. There is an art to it but anybody can learn.

Mention something from her profile or something that she said / wrote in your earlier interactions. Talk about the weather. Talk about the place you are (Have you ever been here before? What's good?)

Nobody expects sparkling conversation but most will appreciate the effort to find common ground.

Do break the touch barrier earlier rather that later but be careful about going for the initial hug. I literally stepped back & out of their grasp when men from OLD tried to hug me hello. That was too much contact too soon for me. A handshake was just fine, thank you very much. Read her body language because some women do like that initial hug.

^^ Third paragraph -- yeah the "hug" thing right off the bat would turn me off too ...for the same reasons you posted above.

But it works for ff, so go figure. Some women like it!

Different strokes...

March 25, 2015

Dude, you need explanation on the simplest of male/female interaction. I'm starting to see why you're not doing well.

"Trouble" is a playful nickname. Based on what I know about Toodalo so far on the forums, she's sarcastic, playful, and funny. Plus, I get a really feminine, sexy vibe from her. So chances are, she showed up looking good with that personality of hers. If I was the guy in that situation, I'd tease her about being a trouble maker too.

I believe I said I stink at interaction with women which is why I am asking you asking these questions.

March 25, 2015

I never ever been good at small talk

I need to get better at small talk

Yes you do. Do an internet search. I found dozens of helpful articles very quickly. The practice on everybody -- your friends, people sitting by you on the train, co-workers, family. It will be more natural then when you are on a date.

March 25, 2015

Sweetie you have just made my day!

Thank you!

It was my pleasure my dear.

That paints a picture of John Travolta like creepy all over it

Whenever a "man" comments on how "creepy" the basics are, it always hints at him being a "really nice guy". If a woman wasn't initially attracted and curious about me, she wouldn't be going out with me. Since I am 100% of what I say online, I have full confidence that she'll enjoy my company. I don't stand there like a nervous virgin with my sweaty hands in my pockets.

I give her a nice hug, let her know that I appreciate the effort she put into her appearance, and gently lead her by the small of her back to start the date. This is basic male/female interaction 101.

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What are some ways to "break the ice" on a first meet and greet from a online dating?

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