Social stigma towards unmarried women at their thirties

[preraph]

There's always some people who like to judge you for it. But it seems like it's more than it is because those are the only ones rude enough to say something. Most people aren't paying enough to attention to anyone's life except their own to give a crap one way or the other.

[No_Go]

I meant not the reasonable checklisters, but the people looking for unicorns and crying over it when they discover they do not exist.

Reasonable standards are of course a sign of a rational human being, which is attractive by itself.

And you made a great point: some people (women, men) don't access themselves objectively but scrutinize others... that is what I dislike.

 

Yes but at least those women have a standard instead of trying to make every shoe fit in terms of men that they like, and have their priorities straight and are more independent.

 

I find that kind of woman attractive and could definitely see myself with that type, however it depends or her attitude and how long or ridiculous that list is....some of those women don't access themselves objectively and why she can't find the perfect man...when despite her personal achievements, she not exactly the ideal either....so perceptions can be skewed depending on what people think they deserve, and unrealistic people who are less self aware than they should be can find themselves single for quite a long time and maybe even resort to just being happy that way.

[Woggle]

Unless I am dating them I don't concern myself with what a woman does with her life. The only reason I care about their relationship past if I am dating them is to see if any of those issues might come up when I am with her.

[Vintage79]

If men decide that they suddenly want children in their forties and fifties (one of the reasons for seeking out a younger woman), do we get to call them "baby crazy"? "Too bad, so sad, should have thought about that ten years ago." Because that seems to be the general attitude I've seen in another thread, directed towards women (and other threads over the years).

 

I'd say baby crazy is anyone who has a near-term agenda for having babies - I don't think the gender matters.

[Anela]

I'm glad that I wasn't aware of most of the attitudes held towards women over a certain age, when I was younger. I'm glad that I didn't waste those years worrying about not finding a man soon enough to reach a goal - even if I am still single at this point. My life didn't revolve around men.

[BlackHat]

The recent posts made me think about it... unmarried/childless women 30+ are considered:

1. selfish (didn't want to share their lives with anybody)

2. unattractive (nobody wanted them)

3. promiscuous (were changing man after man..)

4. a combination of the above

 

My take as one of the above group it is usually:

1. education/career (sometimes time constraints impede dating)

2. shyness (not being out and about enough)

3. personal decision (e.g. bad family example made them keep it to themselves)

4. a combination of the above

 

I just wanted to put this in writing because it is such a common elephant in the room, of course I know the opinions vary

 

I would date women in their 30s and I do. But I just date them, nothing else.

 

Why? Besides the fact that I am a cheater and I am married, if I was single I would look suspiciously at such women because:

 

1 - Most of them are auditioning to get their future husband. As long as I have a job, a car, a paycheck, and fertile reproductive organs, I could have an alien coming out of my belly that they would marry me the same.

 

2 - Coming out of point 1 they will get "accidentally pregnant".

 

3 - While some of them still look good naked (specially if they are of Asian or African descendant) what you tend to find is gravity slowly taking over. I don't mean to be mean but if I can choose...well, I rather enjoy a hard body of a girl in her 20s, and then marry her in her 30s, than get the end of the pole if you know what I mean.

 

Now to your reasons:

 

1. Education / career. Don't make me laugh. Seriously, I work in a senior position and I can handle wife and lovers. Maybe you need to improve your time management.

 

2. What you call "shy" I call "princess complex". Like Bob Dylan wrote "Times...they are changin...". Good luck trying to make me wait six months for sex...in fact, good luck trying to make me wait 3 dates for sex. In the old days we would get something on the side while waiting for you but today we won't even wait.

 

3. Personal decision. Yeah right, so you made a decision to be forever single when you were 18, and at age 34 decided to change your "decision". When I dig into the past of these women I found that their last boyfriend was abusive so she left him, and the previous one was abusive so she left him, and the one before beat her up so she left him, and the one before was an alcoholic so she left him...and nope, there is no pattern here whatsoever.

 

If you are in your 30s and wanna date, just be realistic about your expectations. Don't start choosing wedding dresses in your mind on the second date, expect that he will walk away any second, and you will be fine.

[Kamille]

I'm in my late 30s and it's been my experience that most men want to get to know me for me, not what they think I stand for. Few hold me as a strawmen on which they can pin their stereotypes.

 

FTR: am dating a man in his 40s. He wants children. We've discussed this because we are getting serious. And we like each other. For who we are.

 

My recommendation: ignore the people who would stigmatize women based on age. In the end, they're the ones who are not relationship material. In this, I thank Blackhat for his eloquent post, which supports my point.

[SawtoothMars]

So just from my perspective... the very career driven women usually just pull it as an excuse when there is nobody around that they like ENOUGH. Career/partnership do not impede each other for rational humans.

Checklist women... This is my least favorite category, that's why I avoid mentioning it;) Usually these are engaded/disengaded many times, and are unhappy of life. There are plenty of checklist men too and I feel like age doesn't matter for this attitude.

 

Exactly. I was personally VERY attracted to single 30's career women. If I was single again, I would hit this category like a maniac!

 

I did on several occasions run into women who had 7 or 8 year relationships, but never married.

 

And the checklist ladies can be dealt with if you approach them the right way. My wife and her whole family are crazy about astrology... but after putting in some work was able to get them to toss out their checklist.

[PogoStick]

As a single 37 y/o man my complaint is the opposite. In this conservative part of the midwest (city of 150k), so many women are married and having kids by age 25, thus none are single for me! I either have to go after very young women before they get hitched, or I can get them at age 32 when they are divorced with 3 kids.

 

That's why I can't wait to move (in a year) to a major city where women get a college degree, start a career, and are a smoking hot catch in their 30s.

[sweetjasmine]

When I think of social stigma towards unmarried women in their 30s, I think of my SIL, who battled cancer in her early 20s and spent the rest of her 20s piecing her life back together, bit by bit. She was engaged at some point, but broke it off because she couldn't handle her fiance pressuring her so much about everything, including kids. So, yeah, go ahead and judge all you like, I guess.

[No_Go]

Hey, let's avoid the discussion on your cheating habits (suggesting crippled/unsatisfying marriage in most cases), but to go on your points:

 

1. I think the women after 30 actually are getting pickier and pickier, so... I'm not sure that your husband theory is right

2. "Accidentally" - maybe, but honestly, real accidents happen again much more often with younger women (more fertile, less responsible)

3. No doubt, younger is prettier in general, but women/people getting older have more means to maintain better, and are still not horribly aged after 30 (unless they abused their bodies earlier... other topic)

 

And my points:

1. Is it going to make you laugh that people can't settle with one person if they don't know where they'll end up living 6 months down the road (I changed countries and continents, many others do it too)? Sleeping around - sure, no doubt it is ok if you want that but I'm talking about long-term partnerships.

2. I'm also not a fan of games, i.e. using sex as currency for love/commitment. I meant shy i.e. small social circle/exposure, i.e. insufficient number of subjects to date.

3. Yes, this happens - I've been picking moochers, others get the abusers. But how about people that were single by choice? Yes, these exist, and yes, they sometimes reconsider this choice (especially the kids decision requires some maturation).

 

I would date women in their 30s and I do. But I just date them, nothing else.

 

Why? Besides the fact that I am a cheater and I am married, if I was single I would look suspiciously at such women because:

 

1 - Most of them are auditioning to get their future husband. As long as I have a job, a car, a paycheck, and fertile reproductive organs, I could have an alien coming out of my belly that they would marry me the same.

 

2 - Coming out of point 1 they will get "accidentally pregnant".

 

3 - While some of them still look good naked (specially if they are of Asian or African descendant) what you tend to find is gravity slowly taking over. I don't mean to be mean but if I can choose...well, I rather enjoy a hard body of a girl in her 20s, and then marry her in her 30s, than get the end of the pole if you know what I mean.

 

Now to your reasons:

 

1. Education / career. Don't make me laugh. Seriously, I work in a senior position and I can handle wife and lovers. Maybe you need to improve your time management.

 

2. What you call "shy" I call "princess complex". Like Bob Dylan wrote "Times...they are changin...". Good luck trying to make me wait six months for sex...in fact, good luck trying to make me wait 3 dates for sex. In the old days we would get something on the side while waiting for you but today we won't even wait.

 

3. Personal decision. Yeah right, so you made a decision to be forever single when you were 18, and at age 34 decided to change your "decision". When I dig into the past of these women I found that their last boyfriend was abusive so she left him, and the previous one was abusive so she left him, and the one before beat her up so she left him, and the one before was an alcoholic so she left him...and nope, there is no pattern here whatsoever.

 

If you are in your 30s and wanna date, just be realistic about your expectations. Don't start choosing wedding dresses in your mind on the second date, expect that he will walk away any second, and you will be fine.

[todreaminblue]

I was in a relationship basically from eighteen to late thirties...the last relationship took em to my late thirties and lasted fifteen years....i think making judgements about women or men who are single and trying to box them in to categories...is a mistake....you should always take an individual for who they are, not their relationship status or lack thereof....deb

[JohnsonBaby]

Marriage is overrated . I know very very few couples who are happily married .Most settled . Relationships are hard work and ,sadly most fail,we live in a highly narcissistic society where everyone think they re better than the next and unfortunately that type of mentality leads to always wanting something better than what they have.

[BlackHat]

1. I think the women after 30 actually are getting pickier and pickier, so... I'm not sure that your husband theory is right

 

Not trying to get strong with arguments, but unless you date women, let me explain to you the somehow wrong impression about women getting "pickier".

 

What happens is: Women in their 20s are generally happy-go-lucky (as well they should be). They use men, men use them, everybody wins. However, when they hit the big 3 free drinks start getting more scarce and they become angrier. Then they have this phase of "I am not going to let myself be used ever again" and, naturally, nice guys stop calling once they realize they have become "picky". They still don't want to settle for ugly guys.

 

Desperate they hit the big 4. Then they experience what they call "sexual liberation" which, in reality, is when they understand that either they give it on the first date or nobody will call them again.

 

Thus the "pickier" phase.

 

 

2. "Accidentally" - maybe, but honestly, real accidents happen again much more often with younger women (more fertile, less responsible)

 

You made my point for me. When a woman in her 30s gets pregnant is never an accident. So we are in agreement here.

 

3. No doubt, younger is prettier in general, but women/people getting older have more means to maintain better, and are still not horribly aged after 30 (unless they abused their bodies earlier... other topic)

 

There is a multi-billion industry around this fact. Take a 20yo who is not overweight and she will look hot with whatever clothes you put on them. You can cover her with manure and she will look hot.

 

You can have all means to maintain, but from age 30 on times go against you. And sure we all know Madonna and other exceptions, but let's stick to the rules here. Comparing apples to apples, no woman over 30 can compete with a 22yo girl. So, no man who can date a 22yo girl will date a woman over 30.

 

Plus believe you me, there are plenty of incredibly smart 22yo girls. You can date them in their young years, settle down when they are 28 or so, marry, and have kids.

 

With a woman over 30 you have just a couple of years of a somehow hot body and then its all gone. Pure physics and no hard feelings.

 

And my points:

1. Is it going to make you laugh that people can't settle with one person if they don't know where they'll end up living 6 months down the road (I changed countries and continents, many others do it too)? Sleeping around - sure, no doubt it is ok if you want that but I'm talking about long-term partnerships.

 

I have been in all inhabitable continents. In fact, I am on my third passport. If you don't know where will you live 6 months down the road is because your boss does whatever he pleases with you and you have no control over your career or life whatsoever. But if that's your lifestyle then you cannot have a long term relationship.

 

2. I'm also not a fan of games, i.e. using sex as currency for love/commitment. I meant shy i.e. small social circle/exposure, i.e. insufficient number of subjects to date.

 

ok.

 

3. Yes, this happens - I've been picking moochers, others get the abusers. But how about people that were single by choice? Yes, these exist, and yes, they sometimes reconsider this choice (especially the kids decision requires some maturation).

 

Women? In their 30s? Single by choice? Sure I give you 0.000001%. But when you ask a girl about her heart of hearts she will tell you that she is single because she has no clue about where all good men have gone, not knowing of course that we are in the XXI century, and good men choose not to marry and be polygamous precisely because they are good men and on demand.

[Phoe]

Ehh. I'm almost 26 and have already gotten the "She's single? Must be something wrong with her".

 

If it's only gonna get worse with age then I am screwed! Haha

[alphamale]

You forgot "baby crazy" if they don't have kids

 

bravo bravo, "date me and get me pregnant or go away"

[Kamille]

Ehh. I'm almost 26 and have already gotten the "She's single? Must be something wrong with her".

 

If it's only gonna get worse with age then I am screwed! Haha

 

It doesn't get worse in real life. It only gets worse here on the internet where people often choose to present provocative views in order to get a reaction.

[Anela]

 

 

 

 

You made my point for me. When a woman in her 30s gets pregnant is never an accident. So we are in agreement here.

 

 

Both of you could easily be wrong.

[Anela]

I'm a feminist, but I also believe in biology: I think women that want big families, can afford it, and wait till late thirties are bad planners and playing with fire... Excluding here the women that have waited e.g. for financial reasons - that is an example for responsible behavior.

 

I have a friend who is waiting until the age of 37 to have children, because all of the women in her family have conceived around that age. She's finishing a PhD program, but has been married for several years, so I guess she doesn't fit your criticism here.

 

Oh: her husband is in his fifties, but he didn't target her because she was so young (when they first met). They got together later on.

Edited March 25, 2015 by Anela

[BlackHat]

Both of you could easily be wrong.

 

You cannot have that cake and eat it. With more than 10 ways to prevent pregnancy (without including the pill) on her side, either this 30yo girl is too stupid or she wants to have a baby.

 

No such thing as intelligent 30yo woman getting accidentally pregnant. It's never an accident.

[al78]

You cannot have that cake and eat it. With more than 10 ways to prevent pregnancy (without including the pill) on her side, either this 30yo girl is too stupid or she wants to have a baby.

 

No such thing as intelligent 30yo woman getting accidentally pregnant. It's never an accident.

 

Contraception can never fail then?

[alphamale]

Contraception can never fail then?

yep, contraception can fail, especially rubbers

[Anela]

You cannot have that cake and eat it. With more than 10 ways to prevent pregnancy (without including the pill) on her side, either this 30yo girl is too stupid or she wants to have a baby.

 

No such thing as intelligent 30yo woman getting accidentally pregnant. It's never an accident.

 

I loathe that saying. It makes no sense. People eat cake, and if not, I don't want to know what you're doing with it.

 

I've known more than one woman who accidentally got pregnant. My cousin had her son, as the result of condom breakage.

[Popsicle]

The recent posts made me think about it... unmarried/childless women 30+ are considered:

1. selfish (didn't want to share their lives with anybody)

2. unattractive (nobody wanted them)

3. promiscuous (were changing man after man..)

4. a combination of the above

 

My take as one of the above group it is usually:

1. education/career (sometimes time constraints impede dating)

2. shyness (not being out and about enough)

3. personal decision (e.g. bad family example made them keep it to themselves)

4. a combination of the above

 

I just wanted to put this in writing because it is such a common elephant in the room, of course I know the opinions vary

 

 

 

In case you haven't noticed, guys will find something wrong with every single group of women out there.

[JohnsonBaby]

Not trying to get strong with arguments, but unless you date women, let me explain to you the somehow wrong impression about women getting "pickier".

 

What happens is: Women in their 20s are generally happy-go-lucky (as well they should be). They use men, men use them, everybody wins. However, when they hit the big 3 free drinks start getting more scarce and they become angrier. Then they have this phase of "I am not going to let myself be used ever again" and, naturally, nice guys stop calling once they realize they have become "picky". They still don't want to settle for ugly guys.

 

Desperate they hit the big 4. Then they experience what they call "sexual liberation" which, in reality, is when they understand that either they give it on the first date or nobody will call them again.

 

Thus the "pickier" phase.

 

 

 

 

You made my point for me. When a woman in her 30s gets pregnant is never an accident. So we are in agreement here.

 

 

 

There is a multi-billion industry around this fact. Take a 20yo who is not overweight and she will look hot with whatever clothes you put on them. You can cover her with manure and she will look hot.

 

You can have all means to maintain, but from age 30 on times go against you. And sure we all know Madonna and other exceptions, but let's stick to the rules here. Comparing apples to apples, no woman over 30 can compete with a 22yo girl. So, no man who can date a 22yo girl will date a woman over 30.

 

Plus believe you me, there are plenty of incredibly smart 22yo girls. You can date them in their young years, settle down when they are 28 or so, marry, and have kids.

 

With a woman over 30 you have just a couple of years of a somehow hot body and then its all gone. Pure physics and no hard feelings.

 

 

 

I have been in all inhabitable continents. In fact, I am on my third passport. If you don't know where will you live 6 months down the road is because your boss does whatever he pleases with you and you have no control over your career or life whatsoever. But if that's your lifestyle then you cannot have a long term relationship.

 

 

 

ok.

 

 

 

Women? In their 30s? Single by choice? Sure I give you 0.000001%. But when you ask a girl about her heart of hearts she will tell you that she is single because she has no clue about where all good men have gone, not knowing of course that we are in the XXI century, and good men choose not to marry and be polygamous precisely because they are good men and on demand.

 

Lol what kind of mental picture you have of 30+ women? Sloppy ,unattractive one that let themselves go? Cuz I m in my thirties and and most people think I m a good 6 years younger ,my body looks better that when I was 25 ,and not to sound arrogant but I ve seen younger women look alot worse than me . Could give you thousands examples including a 47 year old Jennifer Lopez but I ll leave it .

In terms of being pickier ,women get pickier because they gained enough knowledge to know which men to avoid ,as in all life experiences you learn from your mistakes ,imagine if we were all stuck with th same knowledge we had at 21 .lol

Look ,we re all going to get to the next stage ,it's pointless to diss 30 year old or 40 year olds when 1 30's is still young and 2 you re dissing the same bunch of people that you ll be part of .

 

What you perceive is your reality .