No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 The recent posts made me think about it... unmarried/childless women 30+ are considered: 1. selfish (didn't want to share their lives with anybody) 2. unattractive (nobody wanted them) 3. promiscuous (were changing man after man..) 4. a combination of the above My take as one of the above group it is usually: 1. education/career (sometimes time constraints impede dating) 2. shyness (not being out and about enough) 3. personal decision (e.g. bad family example made them keep it to themselves) 4. a combination of the above I just wanted to put this in writing because it is such a common elephant in the room, of course I know the opinions vary 1
somedude81 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 You forgot "baby crazy" if they don't have kids 2
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I was a childless single woman in my 30s & I had plenty of friends just like me. Perhaps it's because we were predominantly in your 1st category -- well educated & focused on our careers -- but it was rare that I was made to feel bad about my choices. 4
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I haven't had anyone who knows me think that about me... They all just think I have terrible taste in men! Either thank or a heap of bum luck... Who am I to blame them for that??!!! 3
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 How about just very independent? Doesn't believe in the institution of marriage (for personal reasons) but DOES believe in relationships and commitment (from the heart). Is unaffected by social "norms" and what "others" expect of her. 6
SawtoothMars Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Um... Ok, so I dated a lot in my early 30's. Alot of that dating was done with perma-single 30 year old women. I have a couple realistic views on this... They tend to be career driven and more interested in Urban living. They also tend to be the kind of women who have long checklists. I can think of at least 3, to which I would like to dedicate the song "crazy bitch" by BuckCherry. 1
orangetree Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I guess it all depends on the kind of people you're surrounding yourself with. From my closest female friends, who are all late 20ies/early 30ies, none is married yet (me neither and I'm 27, getting married next year though). None of them is desperate, baby-crazy or not wanted by men, reasons are many of them didn't graduate too long ago (most of us studied a Master degree and finished just 2-3 years ago), changed city several times work-related, are picky about men and just don't feel ready yet to be married. Myself, I don't find that weird at all. There are people who don't ever want t be married or have kids, I also don't consider that as weird. Then, on the other hand, there are people who look down on you when you're not married at 30. Usually people with not much education and people from very traditional families. My grandma has been asking me when I finally get married since I was 23 years old (and now that I'm 27 she's almost giving up on me ), because she doesn't know any better (in her time, people were married 18-22). My cleaning lady was shocked when I told her my bf and I aren't married yet. All in all, we shouldn't care what people say. If I'm 35 and single again, who cares, as long as I'm happy? Better single than being in the wrong relationship. 3
No Limit Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Actually thanks to feminism women in their 30's without kids are considered to be "great examples of women leading independent, successful lives". Of course there are women in between who have remained single and childless for so long because they can barely take responsibility over their own lives. The only ones getting ridiculed are single women in their mid 40's suddenly getting "baby hunger" and running off to fertility clinics. 2
rester Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 How about just very independent? Doesn't believe in the institution of marriage (for personal reasons) but DOES believe in relationships and commitment (from the heart). Is unaffected by social "norms" and what "others" expect of her. This has been my experience with unmarried women in their 30s, and I like women with this attitude. I didn't want to settle down in my 20s or early 30s and have always preferred women that felt the same, but I do value a woman that believes in relationships and commitment.
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 The only ones getting ridiculed are single women in their mid 40's suddenly getting "baby hunger" and running off to fertility clinics. Rats - I thought I could order a few on Amazon... 2
elaine567 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Education makes a big difference, round about a ten year delay in settling down. Women graduates wait until they hit 35 before having their first child | Daily Mail Online 1
edgygirl Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 In New York I hardly know women who are married in their 30s. It makes more sense to do it in the boonies or in small cities where people have nothing better to do. The recent posts made me think about it... unmarried/childless women 30+ are considered: 1. selfish (didn't want to share their lives with anybody) 2. unattractive (nobody wanted them) 3. promiscuous (were changing man after man..) 4. a combination of the above My take as one of the above group it is usually: 1. education/career (sometimes time constraints impede dating) 2. shyness (not being out and about enough) 3. personal decision (e.g. bad family example made them keep it to themselves) 4. a combination of the above I just wanted to put this in writing because it is such a common elephant in the room, of course I know the opinions vary 1
Vintage79 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I don't really think there's a stigma, although the classic definition of a "Spinster" was a woman over the age of 25 who's never been married. I think the times are changing that stigma, and I have no personal problem with women who haven't been married by 30. Truthfully, I'm in my 30s (a guy) and haven't been married, and I'd much prefer that the women I'm dating haven't been married before - so if anything, at least for me, I give the negative points to the divorcee's, or bonus points to those who've never been married. That said, the only challenge is kids - if either party wants kids and the woman is in her upper 30s, truthfully, it poses some challenges in terms of child-bearing timelines. That, however, is different than a stigma.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 My impression depending on the woman is either career oriented, or divorced/just out of a relationship. In the 30's people seem more apt to settling into their current relationship...a lot less motivation to get out there and "start all over with someone new" even if their relationship sucks or not what they want to be. Then you have certain women that are either always single, or with a new guy every six months to a year.
Anela Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 You forgot "baby crazy" if they don't have kids If men decide that they suddenly want children in their forties and fifties (one of the reasons for seeking out a younger woman), do we get to call them "baby crazy"? "Too bad, so sad, should have thought about that ten years ago." Because that seems to be the general attitude I've seen in another thread, directed towards women (and other threads over the years).
BluEyeL Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 How about just very independent? Is unaffected by social "norms" and what "others" expect of her. And therefore she cannot be made bad because she doesn't care about what others think of her. 2
BluEyeL Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I do know, though, some people (women and men), never married in their 30s and beyond, who are so because they indeed do have emotional problems. But who doesn't?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I get the same s^it but I don't care much for being in a relationship. If I had a choice beeting meeting the guy of my dreams and getting a fellowship, I would chose the fellowship
Author No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 At least in Europe committed relationships seem to be considered almost equivalent to marriage, so these women are not "stigmatized". Very independent ones are criticized most though... How about just very independent? Doesn't believe in the institution of marriage (for personal reasons) but DOES believe in relationships and commitment (from the heart). Is unaffected by social "norms" and what "others" expect of her.
Author No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 So just from my perspective... the very career driven women usually just pull it as an excuse when there is nobody around that they like ENOUGH. Career/partnership do not impede each other for rational humans. Checklist women... This is my least favorite category, that's why I avoid mentioning it;) Usually these are engaded/disengaded many times, and are unhappy of life. There are plenty of checklist men too and I feel like age doesn't matter for this attitude. Um... Ok, so I dated a lot in my early 30's. Alot of that dating was done with perma-single 30 year old women. I have a couple realistic views on this... They tend to be career driven and more interested in Urban living. They also tend to be the kind of women who have long checklists. I can think of at least 3, to which I would like to dedicate the song "crazy bitch" by BuckCherry.
Author No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 changed city several times work-related Actually that was a big point for me and many of my friends changing cities/countries/continents for work and education. The strategies were either: - stay single - enter a LTR or have two-body issues avery so often
Author No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I'm a feminist, but I also believe in biology: I think women that want big families, can afford it, and wait till late thirties are bad planners and playing with fire... Excluding here the women that have waited e.g. for financial reasons - that is an example for responsible behavior. Actually thanks to feminism women in their 30's without kids are considered to be "great examples of women leading independent, successful lives". Of course there are women in between who have remained single and childless for so long because they can barely take responsibility over their own lives. The only ones getting ridiculed are single women in their mid 40's suddenly getting "baby hunger" and running off to fertility clinics. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 So just from my perspective... the very career driven women usually just pull it as an excuse when there is nobody around that they like ENOUGH. Career/partnership do not impede each other for rational humans. Checklist women... This is my least favorite category, that's why I avoid mentioning it;) Usually these are engaded/disengaded many times, and are unhappy of life. There are plenty of checklist men too and I feel like age doesn't matter for this attitude. Yes but at least those women have a standard instead of trying to make every shoe fit in terms of men that they like, and have their priorities straight and are more independent. I find that kind of woman attractive and could definitely see myself with that type, however it depends or her attitude and how long or ridiculous that list is....some of those women don't access themselves objectively and why she can't find the perfect man...when despite her personal achievements, she not exactly the ideal either....so perceptions can be skewed depending on what people think they deserve, and unrealistic people who are less self aware than they should be can find themselves single for quite a long time and maybe even resort to just being happy that way. 1
elaine567 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I do know, though, some people (women and men), never married in their 30s and beyond, who are so because they indeed do have emotional problems. But who doesn't? Exactly. Hang around the Marriage and Life Partnerships and Infidelity threads here and you will find "emotional problems" aplenty. Marriage and being coupled up, doesn't really filter them out. 4
Author No_Go Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I get the same s^it but I don't care much for being in a relationship. If I had a choice beeting meeting the guy of my dreams and getting a fellowship, I would chose the fellowship I was the same for pretty much 10 years (18-28 or so), and i still think I leaned a lot in this period and it was worthwhile the waiting (I grew up emotionally at that time). So happy singlehood, enjoy it until you start feeling it is time for a change.
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