I4givehim Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am wondering if I go and cheat on my H will it help me with this pain. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just want this pain to go away.
AaronSG Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am wondering if I go and cheat on my H will it help me with this pain. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just want this pain to go away. Oh hell no! It's bad enough that your Husband went out and did what he did which by your post I can only suspect he cheated on you, but you, come on, do you want to live with the results of your actions for the rest of your life? If your Husband truly indeed go out there and have a romp session with another female, do you want to stoop to that level? Do you want to join him on "cheat street"? Personally, I wouldn't, nope, not at all! Heck, about 7 years ago I divorced my ex-wife who cheated on me! But in the time span of "finding out" and "filing papers" I could have gone out there and played "tip for tat"! But I didn't, I wanted to be able to hold my head up high through the divorce and know that I didn't stoop! Plus I'll bring something else up which is seldom talked about! Say you were to go out there and have a fling with some man, how fair would it be to yourself and to this "other guy" by just fooling around to play games......you know.....the "tit for tat" game, how fair is it to both party's? You'll just be playing mind games with some new guys head, all the while trying to play the "tit for tat" game on your Husband. I'd say leave it alone, don't do it! Because if indeed your Husband did cheat, and say divorce now might be imminent, don't you want to able to at least hold your head up high and know that you didn't play his game? Don't you want to be able to look a Judge straight in the eye and say that your the "victim" without any thoughts of knowing that you were just as guilty as your cheating Husband? Just cool your jets, throw a bucket of water on them jets and cool down for a while! Because what your asking here, if you do it, that's when things start getting messy!!!! Things just get sloppy and messy and quickly snow ball out of control, where the wrong people could get hurt! Please, for your sake............."don't do it"! 5
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am wondering if I go and cheat on my H will it help me with this pain. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just want this pain to go away. Don't be daft. Look I know your screen name is I forgive him but you clearly don't, the trust is clearly gone and to even contemplate such a foolish thing... What about the poor sod you pick as your revenge piece? What has he done to deserve this? Get to counselling. 3
Author I4givehim Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 You are right. I will NOT stoop to his level. I'm a better person then that. I want to be to sleep at night and I know if I cheated I wouldn't be able to do that. It's just that I want him to feel this pain I am feeling. It hurts so bad. Thank you so much for helping me come to my senses. This too shall pass..... 4
ASV Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 How can you build up a new relationship based on revenge? Break up or forgive, but don't go for middle options. Love is a binary thing. 3
mercuryshadow Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am wondering if I go and cheat on my H will it help me with this pain. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just want this pain to go away. From my experience, no. If you can't truly forgive him, the only things that will heal you are acceptance, time, and moving on. I wasn't married when I cheated out of revenge, but had been with someone for many years. I had never forgiven him for cheating, and should have left years before the relationship had actually ended. I spent the second half of the relationship in so much pain, and when another man showed interest in me, it served as temporary escape. But the escape was soon replaced by feelings of shame and guilt, and to make matters worse, more confusion. Cheating to get even may seem like it is completely justified and may serve to restore balance, but in the grand scheme, what your partner did is on HIM, and what you do is on YOU. An act of forgiveness serves to bring peace to your own mind; however, forgiveness does not mean you need to remain with the situation or dismiss the behavior. You will not fix anything by counter-cheating, and above all, you will inflict further pain upon yourself. 2
Satu Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am wondering if I go and cheat on my H will it help me with this pain. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just want this pain to go away. The best thing you can do is to stick to your own values, and take comfort in the fact that fact that you are a decent and responsible person. That is a wonderful thing. Just your own goodness. As you go through your healing process, thoughts and feelings will come into your awareness that you won't be expecting. All you have to do is notice them, and acknowledge them. In most cases, you you don't have to do anything about them. You just need to be there with yourself as they come up. Learning how to 'be with yourself' is one of the major keys to healing, and it's also one of it's greatest gifts. Let the thoughts and feelings come and go of their own accord. Trust the process. 2
BlackbirdSong Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Keep your honor, dignity, and self-respect intact. You're better than that. 4
Itspointless Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 It's just that I want him to feel this pain I am feeling. Sometimes people will now at some point in their lives. It is their burden to bare; knowing you willingly caused another person pain for your own temporary greed or weakness. For now unfortunately you have to face it on your own. People can listen to you, but often do not feel the same horror at the same time. Use this forum, here people know or remember and do not expect that you listen to their version of your story, their judgement of your emotions or their frustration that they cannot save you. Some things in life we unfortunately have to sit out on our own (the feelings). That does leaves you to more practical things you can do. You will get there. 2
toolforgrowth Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm probably going to get skewered for this, but it's the truth. When I found out my xWW was having an affair, I knew it was the end of our marriage. I had no desire to save it or fight for it, and I wanted her gone. And I reconnected with an old high school flame who was still stunning, and we started humping like rabbits. I felt no remorse, no guilt, no shame. I was technically married, but we were living separately and divorce had been filed, after all. For me, it was awesome. Totally helped me rebuild my shattered ego and showed me that I was still desirable to the opposite sex. YMMV, though. Keep in mind, when I started my RA (if you can even call it that), I knew that I was never going to reconcile with my xWW. I knew our marriage was over forever. Big difference there. 1
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