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Mid-30s men, would you marry a late-30s woman?


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Posted
Wow, at thirty on the D carousel for 15 years :D

 

Well, the dissappointing truth at least for me: 18 - 28 doing my higher education (yeah, thesis writing was not as fun as D carousel but... it is still a form of satisfaction). Then 28-30: 2 partners who turned to be gold diggers (VERY attracted to the fact that I work hard :sick:).

 

So now at 30, I am happily NEVER married/engaged, having a good job and dating a fantastic man - and you tell me I don't deserve it;) - reconsider!!

 

Well I know most woman are not like that but there are woman that think they deserve a good man when there not a good woman it does not work that way.

Posted
Well I know most woman are not like that but there are woman that think they deserve a good man when there not a good woman it does not work that way.

 

And, how many men out there think they deserve a good woman after sleeping around with 100's of women? Are these men good men?

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Posted

Um... Dating younger men sounds like a bad risk. I say go for it if you want.... but keep in mind that while your options dramatically decrease post 40... his will stay the same or increase.

 

I'd try to find a guy who has already been through the midlife crisis phase.

Posted
Well I know most woman are not like that but there are woman that think they deserve a good man when there not a good woman it does not work that way.

 

Are you from my country (Germany)? If so, I have to apologise to everyone here, not all men from my country are like this ;) (kidding a bit)

 

 

I'm a more or less young woman (just turned 27) and i have many female friends over 30 who aren't married yet. Are they weird or desperate? Not the slightest. Not every woman gets a crazy desperate freak only because she's not married and over 30.

 

By the way, I wouldn't date a guy who's older than me and ONLY dates younger women. I find this really creepy (and desperate ;) ).

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Posted
And, how many men out there think they deserve a good woman after sleeping around with 100's of women? Are these men good men?

 

Technically if they slept with 100+... it already means they are doing something good.

 

You need to come to terms with the fact that the supply and demand situation for sex is very different for men and women. If you don't like that... take it up with God or Mother Nature... or whatever you want to bitch at.

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Posted
Um... Dating younger men sounds like a bad risk. I say go for it if you want.... but keep in mind that while your options dramatically decrease post 40... his will stay the same or increase.

 

I'd try to find a guy who has already been through the midlife crisis phase.

 

 

Bull****. Not a single one my female friends (all 26-35) would date a guy significantly older than them. Most set a limit around 5 years older max. So most guys over 40 don't have higher chances, unless they look like Brad Pitt and/or have enough money to afford a much younger woman's lifestyle (younger woman don't go out with much older men because they just like him being older, sorry to burst your bubble).

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Posted
Technically if they slept with 100+... it already means they are doing something good.

 

You need to come to terms with the fact that the supply and demand situation for sex is very different for men and women. If you don't like that... take it up with God or Mother Nature... or whatever you want to bitch at.

 

Oh, but times are a changin, aren't they? I still don't think a man whore is attractive, sorry!

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Posted

In order for a man to be a "man whore" it means he must be doing something right.

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Posted

I'm reading a clear yes from 2 men (22%), no from 7 (78%). I was expecting the yeses to be about 15%, so my guess was about right.

 

gaius, it is true that most older men feel "old" compared to me. Even the younger ones can barely keep up. I play tennis in a league and can go hard for 3 hours on the court with no problem. My athletic stamina now is even better than when I was a teenager. I honestly think I'll still be able to be this active when I'm senior citizen old :)

 

Vintage79, both men and women show a sharp decline in reproductive health around 40 - for men, it's a loss of sperm quality and associated higher risk of birth defects. So my ideal man is my age or just slightly older, though for pragmatism I am considering up to late 40s.

 

Krieger, I wouldn't say I've ridden the D carousel. I've had about 10 partners, most in long-term relationships. I've always been looking for love, but now realize that emotional issues from my upbringing have been my largest stumbling block.

 

I'm not desperate to lock somebody down. Up till recently I've thought that if I don't meet the right guy, I just won't have kids. But mother figures in my life keep asking questions, so lately I've started to consider asking a male friend who can afford it to co-parent with me. Then I could have one child before 40, and possibly meet and marry a man with his own children as well in the future, possibly have more or adopt. I have two co-parenting candidates in mind. I'm not sure about this idea, but I'm thinking about all the options. I can't afford to freeze my eggs.

 

GildedLily, I hear you. I've had relationships with a few wealthy men and still don't have a problem attracting them. The problem I've found with a lot of them is that they are too arrogant and controlling. My last boyfriend's hard sell at the end was "I'll take care of you for the rest of your life," and he was equipped to do that. I've never been very calculating in love, but his appeal made me think that way for a moment. He got in touch with me last summer and made it clear he wanted another chance (third chance). But he was textbook arrogant, controlling, and also critical. (Of course he hid all that very well in the beginning.) I never felt truly loved with him, and I didn't feel that was a fertile environment for a family.

 

I agree with you that 39-45, stable, ready for a family, and financially secure is the best bet.

 

mrs rubble, it's nice to hear your story! Several sisters of mine have had healthy babies with no fertility treatments in their 40s, so I'm hoping that runs in the family - but of course not counting on it.

 

d0nnivain, may I ask if you wanted kids or have kids, and if so, when you started discussing that with your younger man?

 

carhill, I agree that if it's not a big deal to him or me, it's not a big deal. I know quite a few women in happy marriages with younger men, some with kids, so clearly it can work. I'm just trying to be realistic.

 

Mrin, I agree. With any man of any age, I'll make sure we have a discussion about intentions for marriage and family very soon. If we're on different pages, I'll move on. The last thing I would want to do is pressure anybody into having kids before they're ready. More than ever, I now evaluate the man exactly as he is, holding out zero hope for things to be different or change. People show and tell you who they are immediately. Accept it or don't.

 

SawtoothMars, I'll meet him this weekend and see. Of a few dozen men in that 32-37 range who have shown interest recently, he's the only one I've wanted to meet, because we seem to have a lot in common, and he seems mature and stable. If he doesn't show promise, I'm sure I'll get even more selective about men in that age group.

  • Like 3
Posted

Women graduates wait until they hit 35 before having their first child | Daily Mail Online

 

and

 

'Children of older fathers at risk of low IQ, autism and suicide' - Telegraph

Within 5 years either way is about right for you IMO if you want babies, so at 38, date men, min age 33 to max age 43.

 

Over 45 year old fathers are the at risk ones.

 

The biggest study of its kind has found that the children of fathers aged over 45 were at greater risk of autism, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia as well has having lower IQs and poorer academic performance."

...Molecular genetic studies have shown that the sperm of older men have far more mutations than those of younger men.

Dr Allan Pacey, fertility expert at the University of Sheffield, said men should have children as young as possible.

“This is the biggest and most comprehensive study of its kind and it really highlights that there is a time limit for dads on when they should have their children.

  • Like 4
Posted
Bull****. Not a single one my female friends (all 26-35) would date a guy significantly older than them. Most set a limit around 5 years older max. So most guys over 40 don't have higher chances, unless they look like Brad Pitt and/or have enough money to afford a much younger woman's lifestyle (younger woman don't go out with much older men because they just like him being older, sorry to burst your bubble).

 

What women say and what women do are often completely different things. When a lady says she won't date a guy over 5 years her senior... I would not take that opinion seriously unless tested.

 

My xWife was perhaps the most ardent ageist person I knew. She had a 16 year old best friend marry a 31 year old guy. She always hated that stuff. When we got divorced she was 29 and dating a 46 year old guy. That is how life works.

 

Oh, but times are a changin, aren't they? I still don't think a man whore is attractive, sorry!

 

No times are not changing. This stuff is more nature than nurture.

 

However, I do support your view of man-whores. The day star athletes go to a club and can't get any women because they are perceived as sluts is a day I would open a bottle of champaign and celebrate.

 

SawtoothMars, I'll meet him this weekend and see. Of a few dozen men in that 32-37 range who have shown interest recently, he's the only one I've wanted to meet, because we seem to have a lot in common, and he seems mature and stable. If he doesn't show promise, I'm sure I'll get even more selective about men in that age group.

 

It's all about the individual guy anyways. In 1954 my grandfather married my grandmother who was 4 years older than him. They had 2 kids and remained married until her death in 2008 at the age of 92. He passed away in 2011. He was diagnosed with cancer but refused treatment because life wasn't worth it without her. I miss them both. :(

Posted
What women say and what women do are often completely different things. When a lady says she won't date a guy over 5 years her senior... I would not take that opinion seriously unless tested.

 

 

 

Well, you could say it's already tested because I've known the majority of these women since childhood/highschool. They've never been with men significantly older than them and neither have I, because of the simple fact that I'm not attracted to them (again, unless they look like Brad Pitt haha). Often, men who are much older have baggage (yes, women as well) who I don't wanna deal with. Already existing children are a no go for me as well. And I just like having a man who grew up in the same time as I did, we'll have more in common. Looks are a point as well- A man in his 20ies and 30ies just looks better than a man who's older than that (less wrinkles, better body, more hair etc.)

 

Also, if a man 40+ was interested in me I would be flattered, but at the same time I would think things like 'Doesn't he get any women around his age?', 'Is he too immature for women around his age?', 'Will he dump me as soon as he finds an even younger woman?'. So no, thanks.

Oh, and I don't wanna be a widow when I'm only 60 ;)

  • Like 3
Posted
Well, you could say it's already tested because I've known the majority of these women since childhood/highschool. They've never been with men significantly older than them and neither have I, because of the simple fact that I'm not attracted to them (again, unless they look like Brad Pitt haha). Often, men who are much older have baggage (yes, women as well) who I don't wanna deal with. Already existing children are a no go for me as well. And I just like having a man who grew up in the same time as I did, we'll have more in common. Looks are a point as well- A man in his 20ies and 30ies just looks better than a man who's older than that (less wrinkles, better body, more hair etc.)

Also, if a man 40+ was interested in me I would be flattered, but at the same time I would think things like 'Doesn't he get any women around his age?', 'Is he too immature for women around his age?', 'Will he dump me as soon as he finds an even younger woman?'. So no, thanks.

Oh, and I don't wanna be a widow when I'm only 60 ;)

 

I'm sure you are really picky about age online. Maybe this is just how I think... but I'm not going to really believe this is anything more than a bluff until I actually get turned down in person.

 

I've had zero problem meeting and dating women younger than me, however, I prefer women my age in looks. I don't know why... but I do.

Posted
I'm sure you are really picky about age online. Maybe this is just how I think... but I'm not going to really believe this is anything more than a bluff until I actually get turned down in person.

 

I've had zero problem meeting and dating women younger than me, however, I prefer women my age in looks. I don't know why... but I do.

 

 

And that's how I think as well. I prefer men around my own age (a few years don't matter). So yes, that's how me and many other women (and men) think. If you don't believe me, I could say the same to you- Maybe you just say all of this online, but when you meet a gorgeous, smart women who's 8 years older than you you'll realize that you don't care about age (according to your theory I mean. I still believe age matters).

Posted
Technically if they slept with 100+... it already means they are doing something good.

 

You need to come to terms with the fact that the supply and demand situation for sex is very different for men and women. If you don't like that... take it up with God or Mother Nature... or whatever you want to bitch at.

 

 

 

 

Good at being easy?

 

 

Good at with their game?

 

 

Both?

Posted
Um... Dating younger men sounds like a bad risk. I say go for it if you want.... but keep in mind that while your options dramatically decrease post 40... his will stay the same or increase.

 

I'd try to find a guy who has already been through the midlife crisis phase.

 

Mid life crisis - In men, this usually happens between the ages of 35 and 50, and can last for up to 10 years.

So she at 38 and wanting children, should be looking for men, 45 to 60???

 

Er no...

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Posted

I would be more inclined to date younger.

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Posted
Mid life crisis - In men, this usually happens between the ages of 35 and 50, and can last for up to 10 years.

So she at 38 and wanting children, should be looking for men, 45 to 60???

 

Er no...

 

 

Exactly. Plus, not every man goes through midlife crisis. Women magazines and tv shows try to sell us that a male midlife crisis is normal, but I think that's highly exaggerated. I lived with my parents until they were (both) 50 years old and my dad hasn't gone through any midlife crisis. No cheating, no new motorcycle, nothing like that. It' rather my mom who had some crisis at one point (nothing serious though), so you cannot generalize.

  • Like 1
Posted

OP -- the fact that you want children means that the father ideally shouldn't be too much older than you. If the father is 50, for example, then he will be almost 70 when the kid graduates high school. This isn't the end of the world, of course. Given the choice, I wouldn't go too much older.

  • Like 1
Posted
Mid life crisis - In men, this usually happens between the ages of 35 and 50, and can last for up to 10 years.

So she at 38 and wanting children, should be looking for men, 45 to 60???

Er no...

 

I would personally suggest 37-48 as an age range. If a guy meets her during his midlife crisis... that works for both of them. Women go through this too... it just hits them differently.

Posted

I would not marry a woman older then me.

 

 

Old fashioned at think the woman should be the same age up to 4 years younger for best compatibility.

 

 

Do not point out exceptions of couples that you know. Because there are many more bad marriages because of large age differences.

 

 

As to a woman being told old at 38 to date that can be a yes and a no. Child rearing problem rear's it's ugly head.

 

 

For this man a woman 38 years old is not to old to date. Man, already married once, has two kids, does not need/want more kids.

 

 

For this man a woman at 38 years old is too old for whether he was married before or not he never has had children and wants to be a dad. So he starts dating Miss 38. Date 1 year she is 39 and they get engaged.

Year later she's 40 and now the chance of birth defects are greatly increased.

Posted

I married a woman a little older than me so it would not be an issue at all. There comes a point where the age gap becomes too wide either way but what the OP describes is no issue at all. I would have certain standards and criteria but not based on age.

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Posted

Age difference, within reason, is not an issue for me. My wife is two years older than me. Good luck!

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Posted (edited)

I stopped dating guys a few years younger than me. They usually give up in the end no matter how much they like you and go for someone who is 5 years younger than them, or even girls in their late 20s.

 

Thankfully I actually recently realized I prefer guys in their 40s.

 

Quite frankly I think it's a waste of time to date younger guys in your late 30s. It doesn't work that well, due to things as family being against it or fertility (guys worry that they won't have the family they hoped for or so), so in my view dating younger it's like playing Russian roulette.

 

But that's me and the decision I've made after being hit in my head a few times.

Edited by edgygirl
  • Like 2
Posted

I would say I was a guy that didn't ever think too much about age, it wasn't ever something I put a lot if thought into, but generally kept it within reason, usually preferring older versus younger...and it never felt right for me to date too young or much older.

 

However life has changed a lot in recent years, the 30's are much different than the playful 20's, some people were settled down but most still living life...and there were a lot of available attractive women of all ages.

 

Now I only seem to run into younger attractive women, I hardly seem to notice a woman in her 30's that catches my eye, it's like they've disappeared..and like the men, many have let themselves go and settled into their adult look, you get soccer mom look a lot, or they're just too overweight, cut off their hair...I probably mistaken them for women in their 40's...either that or my eye just adjusted without ever knowing it or making the decision.

 

So I'd say based on a recent assessment, younger women are taking a lot better care of themselves, they tend to be more attractive and the only ones catching my eye. The added bonus is they are younger, have more child bearing years, and May not be in the tail end of having to snatch up a man and make babies before it's too late...which is always a nice undertone when dating..said no man ever.

 

It's not that I'm against dating older...but there seems to be a lot less attractive prospects, and I don't see the benefits of seeking one out intentionally.

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