In a Pickle.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

After four months of dating an older suave handsome gentleman steadily once a week, I told him I was moving on because this wasn't the type of relationship I was looking for. (Bit too casual and moving too slow.) He said "Okay. I want you to be happy," and let me walk away.

 

Since then he's been contacting me like normal as if my conversation never happened. Initially I was strong, held my ground and brushed him off for a few weeks...then he had surgery scheduled and asked if he could see me before his operation. I thought about it, then agreed to see him. If he died in the OR, I would feel like crap. So we met and, yes, we ravished each other. Anyway.....

 

Surgery was successful, though rehabilitation will be a long road. Since he's come home, he's been in constant contact more so than before. And now we are back to square one and seeing each other once a week again, with ZERO discussion of my needs or the breakup conversation. He's treating me as if nothing happened and has me scratching my head, did he hear anything I said? His surgery trumped my needs and wiped the slate clean.

 

I'm not sure what to do anymore. Pull back? Initiate more? Leave it alone and let it take its course? Be there for him? I don't want to talk...I will feel sheepish asking about relationship issues when he is on pain meds.

 

Everything is on his terms and I don't know how to gain some control over what I want without walking away, which is not really something I want to do. We've been seeing each other over five months now and I've grown attached. I will say this...I do feel we are closer than we were before the surgery. And he still does the majority of the initiating and planning...and I am a willing participant, like a sucker.

 

For those of you who are familiar with the story, please don't scream at me. Be gentle. I need input from people who are not riding on the spaceship that is Pumpkin's emotions.

[writergal]

Oh Pumpkin my dear! That is frustrating news about the doctor!

Don't worry I will be gentle as I have my own Tardis of emotion or when I'm not in that, a glass case of emotion next to Ron Burgundy's glass case of emotion.

 

Joking aside, I think you need to formulate a plan and follow through with it, that involves you speaking up for yourself with the doctor now. Don't wait until he's recovered. I'd say unless he'd just come out of a 1 year coma, or was in a neck to toe body cast hanging upside down, I think you have a right to ask him now to respect your wish to walk away and not contact you as though nothing has changed. Even if you have to tell him via an email, I would let him know that he can't dismiss your feelings anymore, that you've chosen to move on and want him to let you do that.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

I'm scared to.

[writergal]

I'm scared to.

 

I know you are scared. But what will you really lose by 100% walking away? You've given in to Doc's every need, yet he won't give you what you want: a committed relationship. I know how hard it is to walk away from a situation like yours. You grow attached to the person, accustomed to the circumstances, and numb yourself emotionally to endure what is an otherwise intolerable situation because in no way does it meet your emotional needs, so there is no true emotional intimacy. The absence of that, makes sex feel empty despite the orgasms. It's just not worth the self-compromise or self-sacrifice to torture yourself like that anymore Pumpkin dear.