nyfan1992 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Before I get into my current relationship, let me preface this by saying my last girlfriend was absolutely horrible about bringing up the past. Unwarranted, she would constantly talk about the past guys she's seen, who she had sex with, when, where, etc. I never asked about her past but she kept bringing it up. It caused some serious issues in our relationship and was a factor in my decision to break up with her. My girlfriend is so much better in every way, especially about bringing up the past. But the thing is, the past is still being somewhat brought up. When she talks about the past it's always naturally within a conversation and she never gets too specifc. She's never mentioned guy's names or when it happened or what exactly happened. Here are a few examples. 1) she was talking about how she wants to go skinny dipping with me in her pool and said many people in her apartment complex go skinny dipping there. I made a joke saying "you have many times right?" And she said "yeah maybe once or twice". I was not expecting that and was a bit shocked so I said the first thing that came to my mind which was "who with?" And she just shook her head and changed the subject. 2) while on vacation together, we had sex pretty late when we were both tired. After she asked if I dream during sex when Im tired and said she does. She said it's only happened once with me and a few times before when she was really tired and drunk. 3) when talking about having sex at my house over a weekend when my parents were out of town, she told me she's had dreams about her parents walking in on her having sex. I asked her if she had those dreams about me and she said no but she did with past guys she was seeing. Now I do appreciate her not telling me the specifics and how she just speaks in general terms. Like I said, I'm used to my ex telling me very specific details so this is a significant improvement. I also recognize that she's being honest with me and it's better than her being dishonest. But at the same time I'd just rather not hear about her past at all. The way I see it, a couple should recognize they both have a past but just leave it at that and not talk about it. I've never once felt the urge to talk about my past. It's nlt like I have to consciously try not to. Once when she generally talked about her past, I got angry and tried to talk about mine but I just couldn't do it. I felt dirty even just trying to do it. Bringing up the past can only hurt so what's the point in bringing it up? My girlfriend is honestly the perfect match for me. Her and I are so alike on so many ways and I honestly believe she is my best friend. We both love each other very much. We have not had a single fight yet which is why I don't want to start now. At times I want to tell her to stop talking about the past but I know if I do I'll seem insecure. I've just been acting like I don't care and hoping she eventually stops. She rarely does it but when she does it hurts. Am I being too sensitive and insecure about her past or are my feelings warranted? What should I do? 1
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Communication plays a huge factor in keeping a long lasting trouble free relationship. Be honest with her. Say that it hurts you, and it's ok you don't need to hear it. Tell her it's time to let go of the past and move forward and talk about future plans, goals and dreams. 3
lana-banana Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 You should tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you should also stop asking questions that would conceivably lead to these kinds of discussions. You're the one asking about her sex life; is she supposed to lie? By your own admission she's only mentioned it in the course of conversation and she's deliberately avoided giving details, so it sounds like you're being pretty insecure. If you don't want to hear about it, don't bring it up. 2
Author nyfan1992 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 You should tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you should also stop asking questions that would conceivably lead to these kinds of discussions. You're the one asking about her sex life; is she supposed to lie? By your own admission she's only mentioned it in the course of conversation and she's deliberately avoided giving details, so it sounds like you're being pretty insecure. If you don't want to hear about it, don't bring it up. But I don't ask questions. With the skinny dipping comment, I was making a joke as I did not actually think she went skinny dipping before. And her talking about dreaming during sex was completely brought up by her. I really don't think im bringing anything up. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Avoiding fights is actually a bad thing. The test of a truly successful couple, is their ability to argue and communicate their true feelings, while being able to compromise and resolve things well. Hiding back your true feelings just to avoid conflict is a recipe for disaster. I mean if she really is your best friend, you should be able to talk to her like a person. 1
Satu Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If you are living in the present the past can't hurt you. 1
road Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 But I don't ask questions. With the skinny dipping comment, I was making a joke as I did not actually think she went skinny dipping before. And her talking about dreaming during sex was completely brought up by her. I really don't think im bringing anything up. She brought up skinny dipping with you. You asked if and with who. She asked if you dreamed. You asked if she did it with any one else. You are asking questions that you should not ask because you do not want to hear the answers. You need to ask your GF one more thing. To not bring up things from her past because it causes you to ask questions that you do not want to hear the answers to and you do not want to visit her ex-relationships. 3
coryreply Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I totally understand why her talking about her past would bother you. I would feel the same way. I think her not going into detail about it is a really strong sign of her maturity.
kendahke Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 But I don't ask questions. With the skinny dipping comment, I was making a joke as I did not actually think she went skinny dipping before. And her talking about dreaming during sex was completely brought up by her. I really don't think im bringing anything up. You opened up that door by making the joke. Own that. Don't open the door if you don't want to answer it. If you can't handle the fact that she's lived some life before you showed up, then do a better job of how you're mining for information or conversation topics.
SawtoothMars Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I don't think she is doing anything wrong here... you are just being super insecure!
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