King722 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hey all, wall o' text incoming: Been dating a girl I was introduced to by a friend for about a month now. Been on 4 dates and things have been progressing nicely. Have not slept together, but had been invited back to her place after 3rd date, and she had come over my place on our last date bout a week ago where we ended up making out (initiated by her) for about an hour after making dinner/watching a movie. For some context, I've initiated all dates and most texting/conversation, we had been exchanging texts fairly regularly, but not every day. (FWIW I am 30, she is 27). So here's where the "confusion" comes in: text her Wednesday 3 days after our last date to see if she would like to grab dinner that evening, get shot down as it is her 'only free night and she has to clean/do laundry'. Ask what plans she has for the weekend, she is visiting family Friday but otherwise available. I say I have plans Friday, but otherwise would like to "see this cool girl I've been hanging out with, if she's interested..." She responds 'if you're talking about me, lol, then yes, i'm interested!" Obviously, I confirmed. Call her Saturday ~noon to confirm plans for that night, no call back. Few hours later get a text back apologizing for missing my call, said she had been sleeping & that she's feeling sick and won't be able to make it out, says sorry, maybe another time. No problem, give her the normal "No worries - hope you feel better, another time". Text her Sunday with "Hey, hope you're feeling better and have a chance to enjoy a bit of this beautiful weekend". Get a response late yesterday that she's feeling better, so I ask if she'd like to get dinner Friday night. She says she can't as a family member is having a procedure done this week (Friday) and that she'll be tied up most of the week/is heading home Thurs. She had previously mentioned this so I know it's not a canned excuse, so I get it. Now what kind of has me "???" is after I had responded back telling her I totally understood/was glad she would be able to be there for her mom I asked for a rain check and got radio silence, and still no response. Now, she has been somewhat flaky through text, but I can tell there's been a definite... "change" in tone since when we first initially started dating. My plan was to check in Friday to see how everything went, and follow up next week with a final date request. So, am I over thinking this? Normally I'd feel like I was likely being blown off, but after 4 dates and good vibes every date I'm not sure what to think here. Her lack of attempting to reschedule or really communicate has me a bit concerned, but again with a family member going in for surgery, it may be understandable her mind is not exactly on dating at the moment.
jen1447 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Sorry but it sounds like loss of interest to me. Fact is that unless something absolutely devastating has occurred in our lives, we have the time and wherewithal to return texts. You sound like you've got your sh*t together and your plan is good, so try not to take it hard. Just follow up exactly as you planned and see what happens. More of the same (late replies, no replies, unavailability) means it's done. Your best play at that point is to take the message and let it go. (She might even be made to have second thoughts if you handle it with dignity and self respect that way, ironically. The worst thing you could possibly do is over-contact/over-reply/over-inquire.) 2
todreaminblue Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Seeing how you believe it wasnt a canned response and her mother is having or had a procedure.....give her time and space.....she could be under some form of duress relating to her mum.......deb 1
Author King722 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks for the responses. As for her reply not being a canned response - I definitely believe it was not. She had mentioned it during our last date, and we had discussed that I also had a family member who went through a similar/same procedure last year. It is fairly serious, so I can understand she may be a bit distracted/focusing on family. I was just a bit surprised as the complete lack of response at all to my last text asking for a rain check when we had a text exchange leading up to it. I'll just leave things be for now, check in day of procedure with well wishes and try again next week. 1
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I also had a family member who went through a similar/same procedure last year. It is fairly serious, so I can understand she may be a bit distracted/focusing on family. My mind went there as well. You don't know too much about this girl yet so it's hard for you to estimate her degree of stress related to her mother's surgery. Example my daughter is 27, if anything small happens to me she worries sick because she lost her dad last year so now her biggest fear is to lose me. It's not something she shares with new men she dates. If I were you I would let it go and contact her (call) after her mother's surgery to get some news and reconnect. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Back off and let her concentrate on her Mum. Heck my parents only have a flu bug and I am concentrating on them! Perhaps send a text just checking in when her Mum has her procedure. A good luck in the morning and a how did it go/ thinking of you in the evening. But let her come to you.
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Er..to me a 'rain check' means cancel any plans we have eg 'it's raining let's not go to the beach', To me 'rain check' doesn't mean rescheduling the trip to the beach. You saying rain check maybe gave her that impression also.
giblesp Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 This is what I'd do, On the friday night when she's interested in meeting, make the time and and date then and there. When she said she's ill on the saturday, tell her to get back to you when she's feeling better. If she's interested, she'll call. No need to text her on the sunday to see if she's better, she's a big girl and can take care of herself. Check in on her health when she calls you, then make another date. All you can do now is not call or text her. If she's into you, you'll hear from her. If not, then no loss. Its onlt been a few dates and very easy to move on from. Has she had a recent break up or anything?
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