Mjm1014 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) So I've posted a few questions because I've been dating a girl (unofficial) for over 3 months and she's seemed to become really distant and it confused me. Anyways I got back last night from a great date with her, but she was being distant with her texts last night so I asked her why she's being like this and she told me that I'm the first guy she's liked since her last relationship (3 years ago was engaged to a guy that cheated on with her best friend), and she's not sure if she's ready for a serious relationship right now and is so scared and confused because I'm the first guy in a long time she feels a connection with. She said she loves hanging with me, and feels bad she's doing this to me, but she can't help what's going on in her head. She said she doesn't want to let me go though and I should be patient. She kept telling me over and over she's just not at the point in her life she's ready for anything serious. Anyways she's planning on taking me on a date Thursday, but I'm very confused if this is legit or if she's just stringing me along. It's been 3-4 months and I feel like our relationship is actually going backwards-her guard is up big time. In the beginning she was so much fun now she treats me Just like a friend. No flirting, nothing physical, doesn't seem attracted, but still wants to see me. Should I reconsider this or take her word for it? I mean they broke up 3 years ago......am I being played? Edited March 24, 2015 by Mjm1014
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 When she started with you there was little risk. She may have thought this wouldn't go anywhere so it was a mere toe in the water for her. Now she finds she likes you but the last time she risked, she got very hurt by her FI & a woman she thought was her friend, a double whammy. Of course it's going to take a while to recover from that. Don't push so hard. Enjoy what she can give you & show her with your actions that she can trust you with her heart. 1
No_Go Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah, I am afraid she is not interested in a relationship with you. My take is that she enjoys your company but doesn't see herself as your being/becoming your gf. I've been there, both sides. The guy that I liked was responsive to texts but was canceling dates with me. He dumped me for someone else. The guy that liked me: I liked his friendship so I've been seeing him for 3-4 months (sporadicly and no intimacy, even kissing)... Now I met someone else so I need to cut off contact. Maybe your girl is in a similar position. How often have you been seeing each other in these three months? Maybe give her the chance to initiate contact, and if she's not... let her be. So I've posted a few questions because I've been dating a girl (unofficial) for over 3 months and she's seemed to become really distant and it confused me. Anyways I got back last night from a great date with her, but she was being distant with her texts last night so I asked her why she's being like this and she told me that I'm the first guy she's liked since her last relationship (3 years ago was engaged to a guy that cheated on with her best friend), and she's not sure if she's ready for a serious relationship right now and is so scared and confused because I'm the first guy in a long time she feels a connection with. She said she loves hanging with me, and feels bad she's doing this to me, but she can't help what's going on in her head. She said she doesn't want to let me go though and I should be patient. She kept telling me over and over she's just not at the point in her life she's ready for anything serious. Anyways she's planning on taking me on a date Thursday, but I'm very confused if this is legit or if she's just stringing me along. It's been 3-4 months and I feel like our relationship is actually going backwards-her guard is up big time. In the beginning she was so much fun now she treats me Just like a friend. No flirting, nothing physical, doesn't seem attracted, but still wants to see me. Should I reconsider this or take her word for it? I mean they broke up 3 years ago......am I being played?
SawtoothMars Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Anyways she's planning on taking me on a date Thursday, but I'm very confused if this is legit or if she's just stringing me along. It's been 3-4 months and I feel like our relationship is actually going backwards-her guard is up big time. In the beginning she was so much fun now she treats me Just like a friend. No flirting, nothing physical, doesn't seem attracted, but still wants to see me. Should I reconsider this or take her word for it? I mean they broke up 3 years ago......am I being played? Listen... it's been a while. You need that physical stuff or you can pretty much just write this one off. I would tell her that she needs to recognize me as different than her ex, and that brave people don't fear commitments. Don't waste your time on a coward.
Author Mjm1014 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Well I'm living in a different city half the month because of my job so we see each other once or twice a week. I mean she always texts me but her texts have just gotten cold. She use to want to make out, now she just goes for pecks haha. She just seems really guarded. Idk what to do but my friends and family think it's time for me to move on when I ask for their input. It is just confusing when she plans on taking me for dates and she still initiates texting me. Basically feel like I'm in limbo it sucks
PegNosePete Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 She kept telling me over and over she's just not at the point in her life she's ready for anything serious. Well, how about telling her this. "I am at a point in my life where I am looking for something serious. I can't wait around for you to become ready, because your feelings might never change. I am going to date others because I am looking for a long-term relationship. If you change your mind then you've got my number, but I can't promise I will be available when you do." am I being played? No I don't think she's doing it maliciously. 3
No_Go Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Ok, to be honest with you, she's backing off for a reason. I'm sure she likes you, but probably not enough to be your gf. Are two of you exclusive? Have you had sex (I assume not if she's for the pecks..)? My idea is: don't ask for explanation, but just do something more romantic, initiate physical contact, if she is not cool with it... I'd get the hint and move on. P.S. I'm among these girls that struggle with explanation when I don't want to be with the guy but I like him as a person. I just hate hurting people's feelings. I guess she has similar issues... You can put this on the table but she may get unconfortable in a conversation (e-mail may work better?) Well I'm living in a different city half the month because of my job so we see each other once or twice a week. I mean she always texts me but her texts have just gotten cold. She use to want to make out, now she just goes for pecks haha. She just seems really guarded. Idk what to do but my friends and family think it's time for me to move on when I ask for their input. It is just confusing when she plans on taking me for dates and she still initiates texting me. Basically feel like I'm in limbo it sucks
Author Mjm1014 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 thanks for the responses everyone. It just puts me in a weird position because I'm not sure if I should back off completely so she realized this isn't okay, or if I should show her I can be patient and be there for her until she feels more comfortable. I know she likes me, but I feel like an option at this point or something doesn't add up...Ive been through A LOT with girlfriends in the past so I don't understand where she's coming from with all these excuses. Oh well thanks for the help. I don't think there's a right answer I just need to figure out what I want to do at this point...
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 "She kept telling me over and over she's just not at the point in her life she's ready for anything serious." this ^^^^ is not good. I can see why she may be putting walls up, but that is not fair to you and the fact she is basically friend zoning you physically now I guess means she likes you but not in THAT way.
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not sure if I should back off completely so she realized this isn't okay, or if I should show her I can be patient and be there for her until she feels more comfortable. Neither, follow PegNosePete's advice. Talk to her about what you want, a relationship. there is a middle grown between full speed ahead & her stagnation
Author Mjm1014 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah and I've had that talk two times now and she keeps telling me the same thing..that she's just hurt from the past, likes me, wants to take it slow, and isn't sure if she's capible of being in a relationship. Idk messed up situation lol
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If 3 months in you aren't at least making out if not having sex, I would probably say that something is wrong... You should probably dump her and find someone who isn't damaged. Whenever someone says they're not ready, always remember to mentally tag on 'with you' to the end of that statement. 1
Author Mjm1014 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses!!!!
PegNosePete Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Yeah and I've had that talk two times now and she keeps telling me the same thing Then it's time to listen to what she's saying, and realize that she's never going to be ready for a relationship with you. Are you OK with hanging on indefinitely? Putting your life on hold for someone who is never going to reciprocate your feelings? There comes a point where you have to say look, I am not getting any younger, and I want a relationship. If you can't give me that then I'm going to have to look elsewhere. In my opinion that point has come and gone for you already. Time to take control of your life bro, rather than letting her keep you waiting around indefinitely.
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