Appleiici Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Have a question. I h ave a bff been since college in 2006. We have had a special friendship, but we never called it or will call it dating. we're just best friends who have had sex and are inseparable, but not friends with benefits either. Now down the road after i came back home we are still bff, but i haven't seen her in about 2 years since i took holiday to visit her. At the moment the other day she tells me that she is incvolved with me and this other friend of hers. She hadn't seen him since probably high school she told me, but "likes" him, yet she tells me she she feels bad for wanting to sex me up, when she is confused and likes him. Now she has told me she won't date him, but this whole thing is weird. So, my thing is how do I go about our friendship?!? Is it ok for a woman to be involved with two male friends? FYI: our "special friendship" has been black and white since day one. So me and her knew exactly what we were getting into, with respect to potential dating and marriage down the road if we wanted to let it happen.
jen1447 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 If those were the rules you laid down, it's absolutely ok for her to be involved with two guys. But I think you need to ask yourself if you're really ok with that, if maybe you didn't actually misidentify what your relationship was, and if you did, you need to be up front with her and tell her that. I'm a polyamorous girl myself, so while it's still a bit unconventional, there's nothing inherently 'evil' or slutty or whatever about a person who chooses to have more than one romantic and/or sexual interest at a time, as long as they're honest with all the players about it.
Gloria25 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Well, you weren't around and she's not your wife.... I think she's free to see whomever she wants if she is not in a committed RL. Cuz, IMO, the "agreement" you two made does not imply a commitment...."maybe" it teeters on an "exclusivity" agreement, but again, you were gone so long and while you two wanna put a pretty label on it, at the end of the day she was your "I'll see you when it's convenient for me" gal...and to expect her to "save" herself for you in such a set-up is asking a bit much, IMO.
writergal Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 If we're putting a label on your "special friendship," OP, I think the FWB label fits best, when two friends have sex with each other. But make no mistake about it: you two are not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. There is no commitment other than friendship and sex between you. That doesn't really equal a romantic relationship or marriage, if there is no actual romantic relationship. I think she plans to have sex with this other fellow. So, if you plan to continue to have sex with her, at least you know who her other partner is because she was honest with you. But if you want things to be romantic between you two, now would be the time to tell her that, before she gets involved with this other guy. If a woman wants to have sex with two guys at the same time, it's her prerogative because let's be honest; men multi-date and have sex with multiple partners at the same time. She says she doesn't want to date him, but that doesn't mean she won't have sex with him. She didn't want to date you but had sex with you. So it's like she's treating you both as FWB. If that's not your thing, you need to draw the boundary with her now, that she commits romantically to you to date you, (if she wants to), or you choose to be platonic friends with her and no more FWB sex fun.
preraph Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Sounds like she has a longterm crush on someone and I don't think it's so much that "she won't date him" as "he won't date her" so she is making you an empty promise. As long as you are both having fun going out with other people, it's all good. But if one is and one is sitting around fretting about it, change is coming. 1
Methodical Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 (edited) We have had a special friendship, but we never called it or will call it dating. we're just best friends who have had sex and are inseparable, but not friends with benefits either. Is it ok for a woman to be involved with two male friends? Saying you are just friends that have had sex, yet aren't FWB is a bit of a contradiction. You can't and won't call your interaction dating, which tells me you don't want any form of commitment, so why shouldn't she see other people? I'm a polyamorous girl myself, so while it's still a bit unconventional, there's nothing inherently 'evil' or slutty or whatever about a person who chooses to have more than one romantic and/or sexual interest at a time, as long as they're honest with all the players about it. If one person was seeing several people under the pretense of "exclusivity" with one or more partners, that would be wrong. However, as long as all parties are informed, there's nothing slutty or wrong with poly relationships. You are extremely intriguing and very attractive! I'd def. agree to a PR with you. Edited March 25, 2015 by Methodical
jen1447 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Should I consider that an invitation? Hope you're a girl.
Methodical Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Should I consider that an invitation? Hope you're a girl. It's an invitation, but I'm no girl. I am 100% woman thru and thru .
coryreply Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I've never seen one of these "friendships" end well. Good luck to ya OP.
Methodical Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Have a question. I h ave a bff been since college in 2006. We have had a special friendship, but we never called it or will call it dating.... So me and her knew exactly what we were getting into, with respect to potential dating and marriage down the road if we wanted to let it happen. I've thought about this a lot. If you can't call it dating, or friends with benefits, can you explain how you both knew exactly what you were getting into with the possibility of marriage down the road? Have you ever had a serious discussion that involved the possibility of marriage to one another or was this an "assumption?" My favorite flavor! Yes...definitely YUMMY
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