contacted my ex after 2 months of NC- its long but bare with me!!

[Jay13094]

I write "ex" because we were never "officially" together, but we were in a exclusive relationship.I reached out to him last week because I wasn't angry anymore (within those 2 months he has tried to contact me and ive ignored every time). i wanted to get dinner to just feel out how i would act around him. I had no intentions of ever bringing up that "talk" again because it never goes anywhere with us. but anyways dinner plans failed since we both were busy. He presumed to drunk call me later on the week asking if he could sleep at my house and i just agreed to it and we talked a bit and we just cuddled to sleep.. it wasn't awkward it was oddly comfortable as if nothing really happened.

 

He texted me a little the next day but we kept it at a very "friend" level. He texts me over the weekend asking if i want to go to this concert that I was already going to (and i know he already knew but was just acting like he didn't). I just said i'll see him there and i was proud of myself since i didn't feel the urge to be around him or care who he was with. My friends and I were about to get in the cab and he finds me (very intoxicated at this point) and says for me to come with him and eat since there was extra room but i had to go back home. His friend called me a couple min later asking for him if he could stay the night since he was "too drunk to go home" which he was since he ended up never coming since he passed out at his friends.

 

He called next morning asking if i wanted to grab food, so i told him to come over first. We were just a little cuddly here and there but pretty casual. I spent the whole day w/ him and his friends and it was really good. It wasn't awkward, I didn't feel nervous, everything was going the way I wanted it to and I was finally content with how we were. It was honestly such a fun time and things felt "normal" again. Although on my end I was a little touchy w/ him (he didn't seem to mind and reciprocated and the fact he slept over the other night i thought it wasn't a big deal) and we ended up at a bar later that night and i accidentally called him babe which was a honest slip up and i own up to that being my fault.

 

Its 1am by now and hes driving me back home, so i asked if he wanted to sleepover. Then he goes "if i sleep over then its going to make it complicated for us" "what do you mean complicated.." "you were being pda with me.. and you called me babe i heard you at the bar" "why didn't you say something then?" "i didn't want to make it awkward.." and basically having the SAME CONVERSATION we have been having since post break up. He told me "after all we went through why would i pursue you again?" "when did i say you were going to pursue me or vis versa, like why are you assuming.. me inviting you over was not a big deal to me.. i reached out to you since i was finally not angry anymore" "when you reached out i thought you understood of being friends" "you broke that friend boundary when you slept over and cuddled with me.." " I slept over because I thought we were friends (keep in mind this is the FIRST TIME i saw him since we stopped talking) and i felt comfortable with you... i'm able to wrap my arms around you because we have a past.. i don't just cuddle with anyone" and im over here like.... you're proving my point EXACTLY right now.. that we can never be "just friends" because as much as he keeps trying to say we're "friends" his actions don't say otherwise- he treats me differently as i do with him. But he can't seem to admit that. and we're just going back and forth and I told him i didn't want to bring up this talk because we've had so many and they NEVER GO ANYWHERE. I grab my stuff about to get out the car and hes all like "youre just gonna stop talking to me again??" like it was just so frustrating. I left and i texted him basically like "i was touchy w/ you since my house so if it bothered you, say something then. Whatever this is clearly makes you uncomfortable so lets go back to how we were when we weren't interacting b/c that seemed better for us" he never responded and now im here. And knowing him, he'll probably reach out in a couple days but he won't initiate the talk and just act like nothing really happened since thats how hes been our whole break up. Then of course its gonna be brought up again... and its just a wholllleee new cycle. I don't get why it is so complicated for us.... i know you can't be friends with an ex that you liked a lot, so i guess that's my fault? and hes just very much over me and doesn't want what we had anymore... like did i mess up? did i go too far?? was i being too forward?? I don't understand how its okay for him to invite himself over to sleepover but then when i do all of a sudden its not okay.

[ZiggyZoo]

What a mess. Just walk away from all of this. You want to be more than friends, otherwise there's no way you'd be writing this big long post . Not that it's wrong that you did, but get honest with yourself. He doesn't care a bit for what you want, and probably never did. It looks to me like he gets ahold of you when he's drunk, comes over and cuddles, and gets pissy if you act too "girlfriend" in public. This shows such disrespect for you, and you're allowing it. Screw that, the only guy who should be allowed to cuddle you is one who will call sober, not mind being called "babe", and who won't mind if there's a little PDA and everyone knows you went home together. Stop letting him treat you like this, you're better than a booty call.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, you never should have broke it in the first place. Rookie, rookie, rookie mistake. You need to walk away and stay No Contact.

[Jay13094]

What a mess. Just walk away from all of this. You want to be more than friends, otherwise there's no way you'd be writing this big long post . Not that it's wrong that you did, but get honest with yourself. He doesn't care a bit for what you want, and probably never did. It looks to me like he gets ahold of you when he's drunk, comes over and cuddles, and gets pissy if you act too "girlfriend" in public. This shows such disrespect for you, and you're allowing it. Screw that, the only guy who should be allowed to cuddle you is one who will call sober, not mind being called "babe", and who won't mind if there's a little PDA and everyone knows you went home together. Stop letting him treat you like this, you're better than a booty call.

 

yeah its so complicated between us that just cutting each other off will be the best and only option at this point. & yeah he's SUCH a hypocrite, its like if he does it its fine but if i do it to me all of a sudden its "a big deal" and "not okay". I tried to give it another shot and see if friendship was okay but clearly that does not sit well with us. And it will always be this vicious cycle- and yeah only good side to this is that we have no had any physical encounters w/ each other since we broke it off