plugga Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hi everyone I know this is usually a super no-no...but I was wondering what you think of this situation. I was married, now separated for 9 mths. A girl that I met was also married, now separated for 6 mths. I have 2x kids and she has 1x kid. If a new person you meet (such as the above) is asking you questions about your ex/past marriage, obviously this breaks the standard dating rule about not talking about your ex. However if they ask you a direct question you want to answer it truthfully, then because you have told them this info you want to know the same about their situation, so naturally you ask them too.. Is it generally OK to speak about your past marriage, etc, in this circumstance? Normally I wouldn't, but I find it is something to compare and we are both curious about each others past. Obviously wouldn't go into the full detail and stuff but do you think it is generally OK, or should the subject be changed/avoided?
road Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hi everyone I know this is usually a super no-no...but I was wondering what you think of this situation. I was married, now separated for 9 mths. A girl that I met was also married, now separated for 6 mths. I have 2x kids and she has 1x kid. If a new person you meet (such as the above) is asking you questions about your ex/past marriage, obviously this breaks the standard dating rule about not talking about your ex. However if they ask you a direct question you want to answer it truthfully, then because you have told them this info you want to know the same about their situation, so naturally you ask them too.. Is it generally OK to speak about your past marriage, etc, in this circumstance? Normally I wouldn't, but I find it is something to compare and we are both curious about each others past. Obviously wouldn't go into the full detail and stuff but do you think it is generally OK, or should the subject be changed/avoided? Some things are important to know that are deal breakers. Combine that when you are 18 or 38 guides how much time you have to waste before you find where the bodies are hidden. Was a woman that I was dating was married 1 time vs 3. She was the BW or WW.
PegNosePete Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I would not be concerned with "rules" or what is "generally OK". Every relationship is as different as the individuals who make it. If I were dating someone who is separated then I would want to know some details of their situation. Not gory details, but the basic facts. Why separated, for how long, how far progressed is the divorce, are they living separately, how much do they see of each other, etc. These basic facts would be important to me because they are deal-breakers which I would want to find out about early rather than later. And if the positions were reversed, and I were the separated one, then I would be more than happy to answer these questions so that she can choose whether she wants to get involved in that kind of relationship or not.
BikerAccnt Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I think there's a big difference between talking about an ex who is someone you just dated casually, vs someone you had a long term relationship with. Everyone is naturally curious about some things. Why did you break up, what did you think caused it, are you sad about it. Stuff like that. Especially if it was a long term relationship/marriage. You want to discern if you can, a bit about the person your are dating. My GF was married for 23 years. 23 years! So of course she talks about her ex now and then. I would expect her too. She doesn't do it excessively, not is it fondly. Unfortunately it was a bad divorce. I was married previously, and lived with someone else for 8 years, so that occasionally comes up too. I don't see anything wrong with talking about one's past. As a matter of fact, if you are considering something long term with someone, I think it's imperative that you share. I don't think it's something you share with someone you're casually dating, and you needn't share every detail, or anything you are uncomfortable sharing. But opening up a bit about your past relationship, keeping in mind the feelings of your current GF/BF, can help ease someone's mind, and show you aren't hiding anything. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 A quick sentence: I'm in the process of a divorce & have been separated for 9 months is fine. Perhaps a 1 sentence explanation -- she cheated, we grew apart, or something else not too indepth, maybe. Beyond that somebody who wants to turn your date into a lonely hearts group therapy session should be avoided.
Gary S Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 It's okay to talk about your past relationships on date one. Be tactful though and don't go on a rant.
coryreply Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 It's okay to talk about your past relationships on date one. Be tactful though and don't go on a rant. ^^^ Exactly!
jen1447 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I agree it's generally ok to talk about your exes, no matter the situation. Our pasts tell people who we are, so leaving it out is leaving out a gaping hole in our identity. No amount of talking about what kind of music you like or the weather fills that up. Just avoid using your date as a therapist. Talking about it is one thing, trying to get them to make you feel better about it is another.
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