Getting mixed signals. Screwing with my head completely.

[craigervine]

Hi guys,

I dont know where to turn and have a picky dilemma.

Deserately hoping someon smarter than me can help.

The last few months I have discovered it by accident and quietly gone about reading various topics.

Alot of people here seem extremely knowledgeable and have a knack of seeing things in the game that I, and others have missed.

 

I'm hoping that some of you knowledgeable pundits can impart the same quality advice to me that I have witnessed to others. Apologies up front if I have written this in the wrong forum.

 

It all started a month ago when I was at a nightclub with a few friends. I looked sharp, was up for a big night for the most part but at this time (around 11pm) i could feel my energy start to wane so I was just hovering on the edge of the dance floor waiting for a friend when a girl started talking to me. I'm pretty tall, relatively good looking (if not slightly overweight with skinny arms) so I have had this in the past, if not few and far between.

It was nothing overly flirty, just commenting on why i was standing where I was etc and it caught me off guard, even though it was clear to me she wanted to chat.

 

As the night progressed we found out we had a few common interests and we talked, and ended up dancing together till about 2am. We had a great time, got her number and we went home. Not together. She lives in the opposite direction and I was going because my friends had to leave, and i think I was the one that alerted her to the time being as late as it was.

 

As soon as i got into the taxi i messaged her straight away with the answer to a question we were pondering earlier. Something trivial. She replied the next morning.

 

Over the next week we were talking via chat, although weirdly, she would take around 24 hours to reply each time and often with a flakey response. Although she perked up a little bit when we discovered we had the same job!

 

After a week and a bit of a fragmented, but consistent text message convo I had enough and bit the bullet and asked if she would like to go out for drinks that weekend. Which she said she'd love to. I didnt talk for the rest of the week except to confirm if we were still on and she said yes and that she was looking forward to it. Sweet.

I also found out in the meantime she went to school with a friend of mine, whom his vague recollection of her was a quiet nerdish type. But that was a decade ago.

 

Anyway i met up with her, She was stunning, better than i remembered. Cute face with a killer body and pretty tall and leggy.

We spoke and got along, nothing awkward, conversation flowed, i took her to a improvised magic show whiCh she thought was a good idea.

After we talked some more, went out to a different bar which sorta sucked, then walked to another bar at about 11pm that night (our night started at 6.30pm).

At the new bar i could see she wasnt into it, I asked and she said she was getting very tired and didnt want to say it.

So we took a taxi home, dropped her off on the way and all was well.

 

No kissing or anything. I didnt want to push anything on the first date. She seemed to have a great night and was nervous at some points (I can tell) she looked like she wanted to impress.

 

Two days later i messaged her saying i had a great time and would love to have dinner with her, to which she said she had a very fun night too but couldnt do anything that particular week ( for a few reasons i wont get into).

The week after I asked her how she was and she said she was sick and took days off work. and she will message me when she feels better.

same 24/48 hr delay between texts. A very consistent trait of hers from the beginning. I also delayed my text in response.

 

two weeks later i havent heard from her but i cant get this girl out of my head.

We really hit it off. In my opinion at least.

At every turn shes kept me at arms length but hasnt cut me off at any point. Has replied to every text, even if it takes 24 hrs.

 

What is happening here guys?

I cant stop thinking about it.

 

What is my next move?

Another text? And if so what to say?

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[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think she's into it. I would never wait two weeks to get in touch with a guy I was really interested in. I would next her.

[road]

Ask her out again. The answer you get will settle this.

[craigervine]

I am curious what her train of thought is here.

[Toodaloo]

Your a nice guy, but you don't float her boat.

 

She is being polite but isn't all that interested.

 

Let her go and find a new fish to hook.

[losangelena]

I am curious what her train of thought is here.

 

We can't tell you that—we don't know her.

 

OP, in these situations, it's really best to just move on. Another person's lack of interest is so rarely about something we've DONE, it's simply that they're not that interested. I'm sure if we tied this girl to a chair and demanded an explanation, that would probably be the extent of her answer as well.

 

I know it's hard, but try not to dwell too much on what happened.

[fitnessfan365]

She isn't into it OP.

 

You spent too much time trying to work up the nerve to ask her out with all that BS texting. Then you didn't make a move on the first date. So it pretty much confirmed in her eyes that there was nothing there. That's why she's been blowing you off. At this point, I'd just walk away and leave the ball in her court. If she reaches out, make a date. But other than that, she isn't acting like a woman that's interested.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OP, I think she's not interested. If she's giving you excuses, that is almost entirely the case. After the first excuse I would have left the ball in her court and left it up to her to initiate with you.

 

Couple things you need to work on:

 

1) You came across as a bit too eager at first, texting her the same night when you weren't really on a "date" was a bit much, you should have just waited until morning at least.

 

2) When you had your date, you need to take charge and notice the signals your date is giving off. Women will never say they want to stop the date, they will wait for you to end things. If she was really tired and you weren't noticing, it might have annoyed her. Before extending the date, its always a good idea to ask, do you have time for another round of drinks, or to go to bar xyz? If you get a response like "if you want to", or something less than eager, mention something like "Hmm it's getting late, you probably have to get up early right?" and start leading the conversation in a direction where she knows you're wrapping up the date.

 

3) When you had her with you, you should have kissed her, even if its the first date. You just need to get close to her and see if she backs away, and then see if she holds your gaze. At that point just go for it.

 

 

Club girls can be flakey, they're usually the types looking for instant gratification. You definitely needed to play it cool to win over a girl like that.

[Gary S]

If you can't get another date within a week, she's just not that into you.