Author stars989 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I wish I didn't spend the two weeks talking to him so much. I think that's what screwed me over. It gave me a false sense of trust and security. He knew pretty much how I looked like because we had sent videos back and forth. Even if he wasn't attracted I thought we still would've been friendly. I would've been able to shrug it off, instead of feeling as bad as I do now. I should've met him during the day when he was sober. Although he kinda sobered up as the night went on, I wish it had just been me and him and with clear minds. I never should've went home with him. That way I would've known if he truly had been interested in me.
losangelena Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I wish I didn't spend the two weeks talking to him so much. I think that's what screwed me over. It gave me a false sense of trust and security. He knew pretty much how I looked like because we had sent videos back and forth. Even if he wasn't attracted I thought we still would've been friendly. I would've been able to shrug it off, instead of feeling as bad as I do now. I should've met him during the day when he was sober. Although he kinda sobered up as the night went on, I wish it had just been me and him and with clear minds. I never should've went home with him. That way I would've known if he truly had been interested in me. OP, don't beat yourself up over it. These are all mistakes we've made. When I did OLD, I tended to meet the guys as quickly as I could, so as to avoid that false sense of intimacy. As for meeting a guy sober and in daylight hours—now you know for next time. Remember, there are SO MANY guys out there with whom you're probably compatible, so even if it didn't work out with this dude, you'll get more chances. I have a feeling this one would have shown his true colors eventually, one way or another.
Buddhist Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Please help me understand. Any guy this high maintenance and gun shy is one to forget. Don't let these kinds of situations rule you and make you question yourself. It's some guy you met once, he's done a runner. End of story. You don't need to know why, you just need to move on. 1
Buddhist Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 During our night out at the bar, his actions showed that he was very much into me, which was why I felt comfortable going home with him. He kept on telling me he thought I was gorgeous/beautiful, at one point I was about to leave the bars and he begged me to stay, he kept on saying how I had his full attention...that it definitely was not a case of beer goggles. He kept comparing me to other girls he had been "set up" with, and how I was making them jealous because I was with him that night. Even the next morning when he was sober, he wanted me to stay with him longer, and when he walked me to my car he was all over me, kissing me and hugging me etc. I think you are misinterpreting this. Any guy will do this with any female he thinks he might get sex from. Don't mistake sexual interest for real attraction, they aren't the same thing at all. He was just thinking about his dick, that's all. 1
Mrin Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 They guy just wanted sex. After he met you he decided not to put any more effort into having sex with you. The end. As to what you did wrong: 1. Meeting a guy on a Tinder and being shocked SHOCKED that he just wanted a hookup. Um hello? 2. Putting two week into him before meeting him 3. Going to his place 4. Sending Tipsy text In the end the root cause is that you had one set of expectations and he had another. And honestly, because you met him on Tinder, your expectations were out of line. So it was doomed from the start. Live and learn! Best of luck!
Chahy377 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I think it's dumb to assume that just because someone is on tinder they are only interested in hooking up...I actually prefer the selection of men on tinder than on regular dating sites...maybe it's a cultural thing but the men I'm interested in dating simply do not go on the "legit" dating sites. I've met many guys that were interested in a variety of things besides hooking up...tinder is more accessible and less stigmatized than the other sites so many more people are open to using it I think because the OP was talking to this guy non stop for two weeks straight it made her think there was at least a beginning of a friendship there. I don't fault her for thinking that way...she just was too trusting and too naive The guy has some serious issues and was straight up disrespectful. Period. It makes me sick to my stomach guys like this exist
Author stars989 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 so..update He apologized to me for his actions. He said that he did not respond because he did not like confrontation. I went along with it, but inwardly I was thinking, I never confronted you. He has read receipts on his iPhone...before he wasn't even reading my messages. Not sure why he would even still be talking to me
Frank2thepoint Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 It just seems so incredibly cruel to pretend to be attracted to me/say all of those things/ act that way if he was just going to ditch me the next day. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. He apologized to me for his actions. He said that he did not respond because he did not like confrontation. I went along with it, but inwardly I was thinking, I never confronted you. That's just something someone says that isn't looking for anything serious, just a hookup.
elaine567 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Not sure why he would even still be talking to me Because you are still talking to him, despite him treating you like rubbish. I guess he thinks he is still in there with a chance.
walkingonair Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Two weeks ago I started to talk to a guy on tinder. For two weeks we were texting/talking on the phone every day, sometimes almost all night. I know that this is not ideal for online dating, usually its best to meet right away, and that's how I usually operate. But we were both out of town, so couldn't meet up until last weekend. He was out at the bar with his friends, and asked if I wanted to meet up. When I got there, he was already pretty intoxicated. We had a great time all night, laughing, dancing, kissing. He was holding my hand being affectionate, taking care of me all night. He tried to get me to touch him intimately at the bar, but I just chocked that up to him being kinda drunk. I ended up taking him home because his friends left him. It was around 4am and he asked me to come in. I agreed, and maybe this is where I screwed up. But I felt comfortable with everything that had happened before so I stayed. He tried extremely hard to get me to have sex with him, even when I kept on telling him to stop. It went pretty far though. In the am, he tried again. I stopped him, he wanted me to stay later, but I had to go. He walked me to my car, kissed me, everything seemed great. I texted him an hour later saying I had a fun night. He replied "no. Thank you." I replied by saying " I don't want you to think that I didn't want you, I just like to take things a little slower. It was hard saying no to you : )" He replied with a "lol, hows your day going?" I replied and asked him how his day was going...he never replied the rest of the day. I ended up calling him at 9pm, he answered and sounded like he had been asleep. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was gonna head out with one of my girlfriends. He said he'll contact me later. He never did. At 3am I sent a tipsy text, just saying if he wasn't interested, or I wan't his type its ok, he can be honest with me since it was our first meeting. At 4pm the next day he replied, "did you send that text while you were tipsy?" I made a joke out of it and said I was soo tipsy I don't really know what I was saying, I think I just wanted to know if I had made an ok impression lol : ). He never replied and I haven't heard from him since then and that was on sunday. This was someone that I talked to multiple times every day and every night for two weeks straight. I feel like I am to blame for everything, but I don't feel like I acted out of character. Maybe it was the tipsy text? But he has asked me the same thing before, and we have talked about making good first impressions in jest. Please help me understand. First thing....most guys on tinder are there for casual dating nd just hooking up.Second,he invited you to hangout with him and friends on first date also a red flag.Him not replying doesn't mean you aren't attractive or a great awesome girl!It means he knows you respect yourself and you have standards and you dont want anything casual and you want a serious relationship.Good job for not sleeping with him!!!Please never sleep with guy before you get to know him well.He reazlized you want something serious but he doesnt want a relationship,he just wants to hook up.Be happy he didnt contact you back,he's saving you by doing that! Also he talked with you everyday because he wanted to get you interested in him.Believe me,i've met guys like this before.They make you believe they want only you but they just do it for their ego.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Meh, he's clearly not interested in something more serious with you. He would've been more responsive and taking initiative to see you if he was. Don't bother with him.
h0000 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 so..update He apologized to me for his actions. He said that he did not respond because he did not like confrontation. I went along with it, but inwardly I was thinking, I never confronted you. He has read receipts on his iPhone...before he wasn't even reading my messages. Not sure why he would even still be talking to me He will jump into it if you give him another chance, then disappear again
Author stars989 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 I thought that I would give this a try. Knowing full well what he was capable of and heeding the advice of everyone that replied, my expectations were BEYOND low We agreed to go out for a drink on Saturday night. He got back from out of town too late, so HE suggested that we should meet up on Sunday. Sunday rolls around, I haven't heard from him at all. Ordinarily he would've been texting me all day. So I hit him up at 5 and ask if he got back safely and if we were still hanging out today. He texted me back three hours later and said he got back ok, sorry for the delay in replying he was watching the basketball games. I texted back no worries, and asked him, yet again if we were still hanging out like he had said.........and no reply from him for the rest of the night. This dude is psycho. And acted just the way I thought he would And its funny because men wonder why women are so incredibly cautious and wary...because awful guys like this exist in the world and have no qualms about treating others badly. A simple "I can't hang out tonight" would've been decent of him. Things I will NEVER do again because this really was the straw that broke this camel's back Invest any time in a guy getting to know him (hour long chats on the phone texting) until I know he is reliable No kissing/touching on first date No going home with a guy, even if it feels right I won't believe ANYTHING he tells me until I can see he consistently follows through Always have EXTREMELY LOW expectations I"m just so incredibly tired. This has always been my experience with men.
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 His interest in you as a person was low and you still chased him for some reason, stop doing that for your own sake.
Leigh 87 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Why is he psycho? Yes he was rude as he probably knows you're keen when he isn't. Men have told me straight up that they just wanted casual - once they thought I was keen for more they told me what they wanted and said " look Leigh 87, I find you to be a very attractive and nice girl but I just don't feel we clicked in that way, however, let me know if you are keen to have some fun" They would then, on the occasion, hit me up for some fun. I declined. They respectfully left me alone. I hate the types of guys who aren't into you and ... well, expect YOU to figure it out. I prefer guys who are honest and upfront because it alleviates confusion from the woman. But you're an adult and you have to read between the lines. This guy showed you from day ONE, after meeting you, that he was just NOT into you. Not even lukewarm. He immediately viewed you as hook up material not dating material. After he showed you how little you impressed him through his actions, you STILL agreed to meet him again. You have learnt an important lesson. But You NEED to see the blatant, clear signals that a guy is NOT into you! Let this be a lesson, please don't ever be desperate enough again to meet up with a guy who has treated you poorly. 1
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