totenkopf Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hi all its now been five months since my girlfriend left me. I feel that I have come a long way since the split and am realising in hindsight that there were just too many red flags about my girlfriend and the relationship in general. I do not know how I ignored these signs and I really only have myself to blame. At the beginning of the relationship she told me that years before she told her ex boyfriend that she did not like me and did not want me to go around to their flat, she stated that she had said this at the time as she liked me so much and could not stand seeing me and not being together. I would regularly be left to look after her son and he would regularly talk about a guy called John. When I asked her about this man she told me that he was a guy she was seeing for a short while and that they only went out once with her son to a farm. At the time I questioned this to myself how a five year old would have such a recollection of a man he had met only once but did not want to doubt her and cause an issue. Apparently they were not exclusive and he would buy her things and take her out to diner and she found him boring and simply stopped talking to him. She had many sexual partners over 40 men at the age of 25 and very short term relationships of 2-3 months which she would always end and would always speak very poorly of these men. Her ex previous to myself for example, she would refer to as a fat guy and had broken all contact with the father of son and would not allow him any contact with their son. We would regularly break up after she would walk away after a small disagreement and would go into town and go out drinking with friends and once went out with a group of men that would drink at her work ( she was a barmaid) she would often text and call me repeatedly while she was out drinking saying she was sorry and loved me but I would often be asleep and when I would reply the next morning she would claim she could not remember and that it was over and would drag out the course of making up. She would use things I had told her in confidence against me in an argument even going as far as to insult me for my failed marriage and leaving The Army. Afterwards she said that she said these things as she knew that my father had used these against me in the past during an argument and knew that it got to me and would upset me. I would really believe these to be red flags and I really feel that I only have myself to blame for being so ignorant at the time. 1
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hi all its now been five months since my girlfriend left me. I feel that I have come a long way since the split and am realising in hindsight that there were just too many red flags about my girlfriend and the relationship in general. I do not know how I ignored these signs and I really only have myself to blame. At the beginning of the relationship she told me that years before she told her ex boyfriend that she did not like me and did not want me to go around to their flat, she stated that she had said this at the time as she liked me so much and could not stand seeing me and not being together. I would regularly be left to look after her son and he would regularly talk about a guy called John. When I asked her about this man she told me that he was a guy she was seeing for a short while and that they only went out once with her son to a farm. At the time I questioned this to myself how a five year old would have such a recollection of a man he had met only once but did not want to doubt her and cause an issue. Apparently they were not exclusive and he would buy her things and take her out to diner and she found him boring and simply stopped talking to him. She had many sexual partners over 40 men at the age of 25 and very short term relationships of 2-3 months which she would always end and would always speak very poorly of these men. Her ex previous to myself for example, she would refer to as a fat guy and had broken all contact with the father of son and would not allow him any contact with their son. We would regularly break up after she would walk away after a small disagreement and would go into town and go out drinking with friends and once went out with a group of men that would drink at her work ( she was a barmaid) she would often text and call me repeatedly while she was out drinking saying she was sorry and loved me but I would often be asleep and when I would reply the next morning she would claim she could not remember and that it was over and would drag out the course of making up. She would use things I had told her in confidence against me in an argument even going as far as to insult me for my failed marriage and leaving The Army. Afterwards she said that she said these things as she knew that my father had used these against me in the past during an argument and knew that it got to me and would upset me. I would really believe these to be red flags and I really feel that I only have myself to blame for being so ignorant at the time. You let her walk all over you.... It is ok.... i have done that too.. Never again! Set your boundaries, and then stick to them. If someone breaks them even an inch, cut them loose. 3
ZiggyZoo Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 You got it, bunches of red flags. I did the same with this most recent ex, I think ignoring them and justifying someone else's actions because we really like them is common though. I just hope that I'll walk away in the beginning, and save myself so much pain next time. And I hope the same for you. But don't blame yourself too much. I mean, accept responsibility for your part in the relationship ending, sure. But people can be very deceptive, and not entirely horrible in the beginning. So you shouldn't beat yourself up for not taking immediate action, or for making all the mistakes here. You're human, and we aren't entirely logical or very smart sometimes. I'm glad you're doing better though! 3
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 What a mess man!! Im' not trying to diangose here i'm not qualified but this behavior ( if you have ever been with someone with a a mental disorder) sounds really familiar to bipolar, BPD i mean bottom line she has so many issues. It's not your fault man, they are charming let me tell you, the sex is great, manipulation is at it finest, what you gotta do now is cut her off, don't ever look back because she will comeback to you at some point, DONT REPSOND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. You deserve better and i'm sorry you went through all this. 2
Satu Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If you learn from the experience you can tell yourself that it wasn't pointless. 4
OneBigIdgit Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 You got it, bunches of red flags. I did the same with this most recent ex, I think ignoring them and justifying someone else's actions because we really like them is common though. I just hope that I'll walk away in the beginning, and save myself so much pain next time. And I hope the same for you Same here ZiggyZoo. I guess many of us ignore the red flags when it's like someone else said, they are charming, the sex is awesome and we are putty in their capable manipulative hands. My ex gave me numerous HUGE RED FLAGS from the start of our relationship. I spotted them, scratched my head about them but I continued in the relationship until many months later got very attached to her. Stupid me, I'm paying for that education. Somebody please tell me why I miss her, haha. 4
Author totenkopf Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 You let her walk all over you.... It is ok.... i have done that too.. Never again! Set your boundaries, and then stick to them. If someone breaks them even an inch, cut them loose. Thanks, no never again will I allow myself to become involved with a person like this, I suppose it is a valuable lesson in life. 1
Author totenkopf Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 What a mess man!! Im' not trying to diangose here i'm not qualified but this behavior ( if you have ever been with someone with a a mental disorder) sounds really familiar to bipolar, BPD i mean bottom line she has so many issues. It's not your fault man, they are charming let me tell you, the sex is great, manipulation is at it finest, what you gotta do now is cut her off, don't ever look back because she will comeback to you at some point, DONT REPSOND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. You deserve better and i'm sorry you went through all this. Thank you for your reply, I agree fully that she has a serious issue mentally her mother has Schizophrenia and her mother before her also. The girl in question was meant to be taking medication for Anxiety but apparently I made her so happy that she stopped taking it. I was in fact speaking to a friend today who voiced the same opinion as yourself. I have had no word from her in months and she has moved on to a guy that is everything she claimed to dislike and after under two months of their relationship became engaged. Thank you for your reply.
Strength in Healing Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Over 40 sex partners at 25? Oh LORD, just get tested and never look back. This woman is a mess. I wouldn't be surprised if you throw out the term borderline personality disorder. 1
Author totenkopf Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 You got it, bunches of red flags. I did the same with this most recent ex, I think ignoring them and justifying someone else's actions because we really like them is common though. I just hope that I'll walk away in the beginning, and save myself so much pain next time. And I hope the same for you. But don't blame yourself too much. I mean, accept responsibility for your part in the relationship ending, sure. But people can be very deceptive, and not entirely horrible in the beginning. So you shouldn't beat yourself up for not taking immediate action, or for making all the mistakes here. You're human, and we aren't entirely logical or very smart sometimes. I'm glad you're doing better though! Thank you ZiggyZoo I have uncovered many lies which she told me during the relationship some of the things which she lied about just make absolutely no sense as to why you would lie about it, I will go into more detail in another post on this thread but I actually feel nuts even writing about it but really need to divulge this as it really helps to talk to you guys.
Author totenkopf Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Over 40 sex partners at 25? Oh LORD, just get tested and never look back. This woman is a mess. I wouldn't be surprised if you throw out the term borderline personality disorder. Yeah I know it is very high and the number is only going up. I was tested before entering into a relationship with her and have not been intimate with anyone else yet but will certainly get tested before I enter another relationship. Thank you for your reply I really do believe that there is no way that I could have made it work with this woman and I am pretty sure that her new boyfriend of whom she became engaged to after their relationship of 6 weeks will soon be joining the club.
Strength in Healing Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Lmao dude this is one of the craziest women I have come across, and throughout my doctorate I have studied hundreds of relationships. I bet everything I own and will ever own that there is NOTHING you could have done to make it work. Not even divine intervention would have turned that broken stick straight. It's definitely NOT you, and I can tell you that right now. 1
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Thank you for your reply, I agree fully that she has a serious issue mentally her mother has Schizophrenia and her mother before her also. The girl in question was meant to be taking medication for Anxiety but apparently I made her so happy that she stopped taking it. I was in fact speaking to a friend today who voiced the same opinion as yourself. I have had no word from her in months and she has moved on to a guy that is everything she claimed to dislike and after under two months of their relationship became engaged. Thank you for your reply. Hypersexuality , drug abuse, mania, psychosis those things are common really, Schizophrenia really serious, this girl is just in denial and living in another world. I want you to remember it's not your fault, don't blame her or hold anything against her just move on. Mental illness is serious and should be taken seriously, i've been there and believe me it's hard. But not all people with mental disorder are bad people just wanted to put this here( cause of the stigma around this), some people do well and get well to lead a normal life. 1
Author totenkopf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Lmao dude this is one of the craziest women I have come across, and throughout my doctorate I have studied hundreds of relationships. I bet everything I own and will ever own that there is NOTHING you could have done to make it work. Not even divine intervention would have turned that broken stick straight. It's definitely NOT you, and I can tell you that right now. Thanks for your reply I realise that I am by no means perfect as nobody but I tried 100% with her and her son who has severe behavioural issues he was assessed by the school for this but she failed to disclose the history of mental illness in her family. I found out some strange things after the split one for example is that she would not eat eggs and when we would go out for breakfast I would end up eating hers also, it came about that in fact she did eat eggs and that it was her sons father that did not, it would seem that for some reason she was using a trait of his personality which is very strange. A very manipulative lie she told me was that she had never done certain intimate things, I fully understand that perhaps people may tell a lie to avoid embarrassment but further than this she would bring it up and romanticise what we had done and made out that it was something special that only we had shared, although I do not find this as strange as lying about eating eggs for example, it is a clear sign of control and manipulation of someone and the relationship. One day I went through a box of photos I had under my bed with her and unknowingly to myself there were several pictures of my now ex wife amongst them and also some pictures of an ex girlfriend. I had not gone through these pictures in many years and thought it would be nice to look at them together upon seeing the picture of my ex wife her reaction was very intense and angry she was not concerned about the pictures of my ex girlfriend but only those of my now ex wife I apologised and immediately threw them away. At the time I was still married to my now ex wife as she was making divorce proceedings very difficult due to not giving me her new address, the girl in question managed to find her new address through much effort with the help of a friend and researching the voting register and divorce proceedings went ahead we were both very happy as we had been planning to get married and she even bought a dress and was looking at venues and wedding cakes etc. She even claimed that she had dreamt that we would get married on 11.02.15. I wonder now if her help with my divorce was not so much a kind act and a sign of her love for me which I felt at the time but more an act of further manipulation.
Author totenkopf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Hypersexuality , drug abuse, mania, psychosis those things are common really, Schizophrenia really serious, this girl is just in denial and living in another world. I want you to remember it's not your fault, don't blame her or hold anything against her just move on. Mental illness is serious and should be taken seriously, i've been there and believe me it's hard. But not all people with mental disorder are bad people just wanted to put this here( cause of the stigma around this), some people do well and get well to lead a normal life. Thanks goldway90 Did you have a similar experience with a partner?
goldway90 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks goldway90 Did you have a similar experience with a partner? Kinda but i know what you're going through, it get better by time. We just have to move forward.
Author totenkopf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Same here ZiggyZoo. I guess many of us ignore the red flags when it's like someone else said, they are charming, the sex is awesome and we are putty in their capable manipulative hands. My ex gave me numerous HUGE RED FLAGS from the start of our relationship. I spotted them, scratched my head about them but I continued in the relationship until many months later got very attached to her. Stupid me, I'm paying for that education. Somebody please tell me why I miss her, haha. If you are going through what I am then you miss her because she made you believe that she was something she was not she made you believe that you shared something very special. My ex gf said that she had wanted to be together for years, wanted to get married, we even spoke about childrens names. She lived with me at my house for half of the relationship and she even viewed a flat a week before she left me and even spoke of her son taking my surname when we married. When a person who says all of these things and leaves you days later suddenly and cuts off all contact then it is only natural to be totally confused and upset by the events.
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