ManyDissapoint Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Hi all. I've started dating again after a traumatic breakup last November and I have two questions / concerns for the community: In my native language (English) I am a quite charming conversationalist with a razor sharp wit and humor. However I am far less comfortable and not 'myself' when speaking in foreign languages. Although I am conventionally attractive (tall, handsome and for the standards of this country exotic looking) I have always relied on my intellect and humor to build attraction. So the main problem is that not being able to joke and banter comfortably in my second language (which I am otherwise fluent in) creates a rift during dates that would not be there otherwise. Being aware of this actually makes me even less comfortable in my own skin although not to hugely awkward levels. I'm dating a much younger woman (she's 21, I'm a young-looking 33) and just finding it hard to relate to her (she goes out till 6 am most weekends, I'm a business owner and well past that nonsense) because of the fact that we're in completely different places in life and because of the aforementioned language / cultural barrier. So my first question is if anyone has any advice for someone like me who doesn't have the option to date people with whom I can comfortably speak my language in which I am used to handling romantic interactions. My second question is more specific to this girl I've been seeing. When I asked her out she readily agreed. She agreed to two dates so far. First one was coffee which ended up with us going for a drink instead. Overall that date went alright--I'd give it a 6.5/10 concerning interest shown and chemistry, flirting, body language. One thing to note is that since I asked her out, she cut her hair and started going to the gym, could be coincidence though. The second date was a dinner date and didn't go as well. 5/10 on that one. She was wearing a see through top which was nevertheless not tasteless. Despite the lukewarm date we parted ways and did a friendly kiss on the cheek and hug as she left my car. For both of the dates she had arranged to meet with friends afterward which indicated she wanted to have an out--understood and fine by me as I'm interested in taking things slow since I was affected so strongly by my last breakup. I messaged her the next day saying that I keep thinking of how good she looked last night and how her top was driving me nuts. She replied with a smiley face and a winkey face. So far she has never initiated contact. Now I understand that as the man and much older no less she is probably expecting me to arrange the dates and do most of the pursuing. On the other hand she's not giving me anything to work with and is extremely hard to read. I feel like she would accept to go on a third date but I also feel like I need something more from her--anything--just to show some interest. I am not dying to get into a full blown relationship, and it doesn't seem like she is either which suits me. In fact she told me she's never been in a serious relationship yet. So I'm at the point of indifference now where I don't think I want to arrange another date unless she shows some kind of interest even if that means some indirect communication. So I guess the question is if it's possible given all of the above that she could have a higher interest level than appears and it would be worth asking for a third date. Thanks in advance.
Author ManyDissapoint Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Nothing? Would like some feedback.
Mirages Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Well, I knew a fellow who dated internationally a lot, he was clearly bright, he saw some charm in the situation; it seemed to work. I have run into but not dated women who were foreign but bright, I'd view communication as a bit of a hobby, and find it not much worse than being with a good speaker of English. Based on your writing it appears that her age (lack of it) is more of an obstacle than your weakness of verbiage in x language. Patience will be needed for your relationships, young ones will have less of that. I personally am not interested in 21's, try 25+ and see how it goes.
SawtoothMars Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Nothing? Would like some feedback. Uh... what country are you from and what country are you trying to date in?
Gaeta Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I can only say English isn't my native language and only practice practice practice will get you to the level you are aiming for. As for the lady, she is not interested. Your first date was mediocre and the second one even more. Bad dates + no initiating = Not interested. I don't know why you are putting any kind of hope in this young woman. She is a party girl, young with not a care in the world. She was probably curious about you at first but that's yesterday for her.
Author ManyDissapoint Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 Going on a beach / swim date again with this one next Saturday. What can I say I have it in me to give people the benefit of the doubt. Or more to the point, I haven't met anyone else yet. She is very beautiful and her indifference combined with excitement every time I ask her out is a bit intriguing.
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