Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Ok. Not stalking him anymore. Again. It's a circle. Endless. Infinite. I'll start to wilt any moment. I feel like my life has been sucked and I have no escape from this. But yes. No stalking.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Ok. Not stalking him anymore. Again. It's a circle. Endless. Infinite. I'll start to wilt any moment. I feel like my life has been sucked and I have no escape from this. But yes. No stalking. I think a major part of the problem is the overly negative, hyperbolic self-talk. The language you use to describe your situation is compounding your issue. You need to pay close attention to the stories you tell yourself These men are only symptoms of more serious underlying problems, but you're looking to them to soothe and temporarily "fix" said problems. They can't. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Now that I read it really sounds horrible. But he probably did it because he's suffered so much in the past. I don't know. I'm just curious as to why he changed his behavior after our fight. Anything possible though. No - he said it because he doesn't love you. Honey you can procasternate all you like and you can think and over think this whole thing. Its simple. He wants a hole to poke his penis into and you are looking like you will provide that hole. Your getting involved with people who are going to treat you like poop and you seem to think that they will magically change for you... Wake up call - they don't. Time to learn how to walk away, keep your life simple and look after yourself. 3
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I think a major part of the problem is the overly negative, hyperbolic self-talk. The language you use to describe your situation is compounding your issue. You need to pay close attention to the stories you tell yourself These men are only symptoms of more serious underlying problems, but you're looking to them to soothe and temporarily "fix" said problems. They can't. I'll try to pay close attention. But right now I'm still in shock. You can say I was only a hole, and that description of okcupid guts perfectly, but we were close and I told him intimate things about me. I will never forgive him the abandonment. The disappearance. I don't care about his issues, he run away from me. And this is something unacceptable. I'm in shock.
BC1980 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'll try to pay close attention. But right now I'm still in shock. You can say I was only a hole, and that description of okcupid guts perfectly, but we were close and I told him intimate things about me. I will never forgive him the abandonment. The disappearance. I don't care about his issues, he run away from me. And this is something unacceptable. I'm in shock. But his history is to disappear. That's what he does, so it's not surprising. I think the problem is that you can't discern between something genuine and something fake. You like the high of feeling "in love" and project that onto him. You have you be more logical when history is showing you who he is. I honestly don't know why you keep believing him each time.
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Good god, I'm having a rush of feelings right now. I don't even think rationally. But yes, I will forget Johnny. I don't want that bagagge and if I don't forget, I'll became sour ad dark. I will forget. I hope he did what he could and that his intentions were good despite all the issues. Some people are just broken. And they don't know how to come out and live a more meaningful life. Either he used me, lied to me, was mean to me, I fo forgive him and I set myself free. I hope he'll find happiness sometime. As for me, I'm accepting reality. And I hope I'll never have to deal with someone like johnny ever in my life.
BC1980 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Good god, I'm having a rush of feelings right now. I don't even think rationally. But yes, I will forget Johnny. I don't want that bagagge and if I don't forget, I'll became sour ad dark. I will forget. I hope he did what he could and that his intentions were good despite all the issues. Some people are just broken. And they don't know how to come out and live a more meaningful life. Either he used me, lied to me, was mean to me, I fo forgive him and I set myself free. I hope he'll find happiness sometime. As for me, I'm accepting reality. And I hope I'll never have to deal with someone like johnny ever in my life. You don't have to deal with him or anyone like him. It's your choice. There are plenty of other people like him. Opportunists who use people. They are out there, but it's up to you to disengage once they show their true colors.
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Yes... You know, I think he had the decency to not go online for a week and to stop contact with me. Maybe he realized how bad he hurt me. That's good. Him not contacting me shows me he's still somehow human and he cared, at least a little. It's hard for me to think he's a jerk.
goldway90 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Listen you'll have days when you're going to be tempted to contact him, you have to understand that NC is essential for you to heal, delete everything about him. He will contact you again i'm sure but you have to stick to NC no matter what, don't respond under any circumstances even if saying " i"m sorry i made a mistake, i'm crying" it's a facade or mask to pull you back in again.What you've been through with him was kind of an emotional abuse, there's no need to go back. You deserve better than him and you'll find a man who'll treat you well, respect you and love you for who you are.I wish you the best of luck
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Gezz I need to talk, can't stop writing. I'm sitting here at Starbucks and have to go to work I half and hour, but I don't want to deal with my thoughts
BlackbirdSong Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I don't mean to sound insensitive or come off like a dbag, but part of me feels somewhat relieved that physically gorgeous women like yourself can actually feel hurt and sad. It always seems that beautiful people get over breakups in a few days or hours, then on to the next like it's nothing. Like my ex....
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Listen you'll have days when you're going to be tempted to contact him, you have to understand that NC is essential for you to heal, delete everything about him. He will contact you again i'm sure but you have to stick to NC no matter what, don't respond under any circumstances even if saying " i"m sorry i made a mistake, i'm crying" it's a facade or mask to pull you back in again.What you've been through with him was kind of an emotional abuse, there's no need to go back. You deserve better than him and you'll find a man who'll treat you well, respect you and love you for who you are.I wish you the best of luck How are you so sure? This time is different, he just vanished. But yes, I know I'm not giving him another chance. This time was just too much. I don't want to play his game anymore, it's painful. He'll never say he made a mistake or that he's crying. It's just not him. I think he'll have the decency to leave me alone. I hope so.
goldway90 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 How are you so sure? This time is different, he just vanished. But yes, I know I'm not giving him another chance. This time was just too much. I don't want to play his game anymore, it's painful. He'll never say he made a mistake or that he's crying. It's just not him. I think he'll have the decency to leave me alone. I hope so. Because it's what they do, it's his nature the moment they miss their emotional supply they'll do whatever it takes to get it back like a drug addict. I've been there well kinda. I'm glad you're not going to give him a chance, he's not wroth it.Remember YOU are important, your feelings too, don't you ever let someone walk over you. It shouldn't be up to him to leave you alone, it's up to you to cut him off and you can do it really.
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Because it's what they do, it's his nature the moment they miss their emotional supply they'll do whatever it takes to get it back like a drug addict. I've been there well kinda. I'm glad you're not going to give him a chance, he's not wroth it.Remember YOU are important, your feelings too, don't you ever let someone walk over you. It shouldn't be up to him to leave you alone, it's up to you to cut him off and you can do it really. I still think he won't contact me anymore. I was always trying to understand his actions and give some meaning to what he said or did. However, I'm not good at pick it up hints and I'm also desperate for love and validation. It's not his entire fault. I think we are both broken in some way. It's my job now to detach and to find someone who's not that broken.
goldway90 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I still think he won't contact me anymore. I was always trying to understand his actions and give some meaning to what he said or did. However, I'm not good at pick it up hints and I'm also desperate for love and validation. It's not his entire fault. I think we are both broken in some way. It's my job now to detach and to find someone who's not that broken. I hope he's gone forever so you won't deal with any of that drama but that line in bold shows that you know your issues and the mistakes you're doing i'd say seeking professional opinion would do you good, help you get the core of the problem, you'd learn ways to cope. Take some time and enjoy the single life, you are not ready and even you find someone who's not broken you'll push him away ( even if you don't mean it) but you have to take time to heal. Once you work on your weaknesses the next man is going to be lucky to have you in his life and you'll be finally able to have a healthy relationship.
Author irresolute Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I'm desperate, and I mean desperate to log into adult friend finder. I'm desperate to have some kind of connection with him tonight. I can't stand the pain He left me again and i can't stand the pain. I've drunk 2 glasses of wine and I want to go online adult friend finder. I want to stalk him on pof. I want to see what he's up to, but I know I won't get an answer there. Still, I have this tremendous urge. I need to I'm in pain.
Diezel Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 He'll be back, eventually and you'll fall for it all over again. You clearly haven't learned and you won't until you have a breakthrough or a breakdown. You seem to be more inclined towards the latter. And that's sad, because I think at your core, you are a good person, but you just rush back into things, specially with J. I honestly don't think you believe you deserve better. I honestly think you believe he is your penance for whatever reason and that's as good as you are going to get. Listen, you can lie to LS about who you are seeing, we're anonymous. But ultimately, you can't lie to yourself. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I'm desperate, and I mean desperate to log into adult friend finder. I'm desperate to have some kind of connection with him tonight. I can't stand the pain He left me again and i can't stand the pain. I've drunk 2 glasses of wine and I want to go online adult friend finder. I want to stalk him on pof. I want to see what he's up to, but I know I won't get an answer there. Still, I have this tremendous urge. I need to I'm in pain. No, you don't need to. You have to stop telling yourself that. You want to. Huge difference. You're not going to suddenly stop existing if you don't cyber-stalk him. You're just going to feed that emotional vampire. Again, you must change the language you're using. Start replacing those desperate-sounding words with empowering language. Sounds small but it makes a big difference if you repeat positive language to yourself. You have a choice. You can choose to check up on him, only if you want. There is no "need" here 1
Author irresolute Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 No, you don't need to. You have to stop telling yourself that. You want to. Huge difference. You're not going to suddenly stop existing if you don't cyber-stalk him. You're just going to feed that emotional vampire. Again, you must change the language you're using. Start replacing those desperate-sounding words with empowering language. Sounds small but it makes a big difference if you repeat positive language to yourself. You have a choice. You can choose to check up on him, only if you want. There is no "need" here I went thought the night and Im feeling a little better. I'm just not doing anything, not chasing, not looking for him, not contacting him, nothing. Yes, I do think I don't deserve better. Maybe I can build my self esteem before something happens and I go back to him again. Maybe I can truly get over him if I continue to live my life without stalking him. I do think this was the last time for him and for me. I do hope he respects me enough to not contact me after he said he's not in love with me.
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I went thought the night and Im feeling a little better. I'm just not doing anything, not chasing, not looking for him, not contacting him, nothing. Yes, I do think I don't deserve better. Maybe I can build my self esteem before something happens and I go back to him again. Maybe I can truly get over him if I continue to live my life without stalking him. I do think this was the last time for him and for me. I do hope he respects me enough to not contact me after he said he's not in love with me. "The best don't stick around when you treat them poorly, only the desperate do." live by it! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I went thought the night and Im feeling a little better. I'm just not doing anything, not chasing, not looking for him, not contacting him, nothing. Yes, I do think I don't deserve better. Maybe I can build my self esteem before something happens and I go back to him again. Maybe I can truly get over him if I continue to live my life without stalking him. I do think this was the last time for him and for me. I do hope he respects me enough to not contact me after he said he's not in love with me. It's not up to him to respect you. It's up to you to respect yourself. Stop depending on other people to do the work for you. Take control of your life. You're an adult -- it's time to act like it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 It's not up to him to respect you. It's up to you to respect yourself. Stop depending on other people to do the work for you. Take control of your life. You're an adult -- it's time to act like it. This. OP, read this again and again. You are relying on men to soothe you and validate you. That's your job. it will never come from anyone else.
Author irresolute Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 It's not up to him to respect you. It's up to you to respect yourself. Stop depending on other people to do the work for you. Take control of your life. You're an adult -- it's time to act like it. I'm trying. It's just that I think that he loves me and I can't take that feeling out of me. He told me he loved me. That I was way ahead in feelings but that we were taking it slow... I felt the love. I really did. Somehow this last two months were different. He was interested, he'd text, he'd initiate, he'd want to see me, to know about me, to share time without any sex involved. We agreed to be exclusive! We were not seeing other people. We were going out for a complete weekend. I knew where he was all the time. Is this a nightmare or what??? I just can't pass through the shock stage. Honestly. I felt the love. In his eyes. In his words. I somehow think this is a horrible mistake, that he didn't mean he's not in love with me. After all, he said that he told me he's not a guy to fall in love with just to test me. I don't know. I don't really know. I've disappeared for now. I need to clarify my mind.
Lovingme35 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Irresolute. I am going through the exact same thing as you. I am even wondering if we are dealing with the same guy as I am in California too. Went on Adult Friend Finder last night and there he was Exact same behavior as well
Author irresolute Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Irresolute. I am going through the exact same thing as you. I am even wondering if we are dealing with the same guy as I am in California too. Went on Adult Friend Finder last night and there he was Exact same behavior as well Is his name John? Edited March 27, 2015 by irresolute
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