Strength in Healing Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 irresolute, I see you jump ahead many times in relations in regards to emotion. You continually wear your heart on your sleeve, and I'm sure many people have used that quote with you before. Why, though? I see you are constantly in a fray about a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love drama, I think it's hilarious, but I think it may be time you partake in deep introspection and see what propels you into these crazy situations again and again and again and again.
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I already read it for a past relationship. Now I've tried to read it again but it's just too painful. I don't really want to think he's done all this on purpose. He can't be that evil of a person I wouldn't say he's doing it to hurt you or his evil, he's just not available to be there for you, he just not there emotionally. It was painful because you know it's the truth, you are kinda refusing to accept it though, i wonder why girl? there's a quote that came to my mind which says "we only accept the love we think we deserve" i'm not trying to play therapist over here but i think that's why you keep chasing him maybe other unavailable men even though you can do better and you deserve better. It's about time for you to break this cycle and i have no doubt that you'll eventually do it and break free from it.
Author irresolute Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 I wouldn't say he's doing it to hurt you or his evil, he's just not available to be there for you, he just not there emotionally. It was painful because you know it's the truth, you are kinda refusing to accept it though, i wonder why girl? there's a quote that came to my mind which says "we only accept the love we think we deserve" i'm not trying to play therapist over here but i think that's why you keep chasing him maybe other unavailable men even though you can do better and you deserve better. It's about time for you to break this cycle and i have no doubt that you'll eventually do it and break free from it. no, I think you're totally right. In fact, I think you nailed it. If your reasoning is right, he'll go online soon. I don't think he's ready to let me go. I'm such an excitement for his life, with all my drama and everything. I'm a huge ego boost for him. Unless he finds another one, he'll contact me again.
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 no, I think you're totally right. In fact, I think you nailed it. If your reasoning is right, he'll go online soon. I don't think he's ready to let me go. I'm such an excitement for his life, with all my drama and everything. I'm a huge ego boost for him. Unless he finds another one, he'll contact me again. Look at it this way, you are like an emotional supply to him he wants you when he's in need for that supply. You are right you are boosting his ego, a backup plan, i would say in his mind he thinks "oh i own that girl i can go back anything time i want".The time he's with you another girl is dealing with this and the cycle goes on and on. You sound like a good girl but i'm sorry to say this you kinda let men walk over you and you keep attracting them.Look out for People Pleaser Syndrome, protect yourself emotional pain is the same as the physical one, you have to protect your soul and don't change yourself for others."You know that admitting the problem is the first step towards repair" I hope i'm not being rude here!!
Author irresolute Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Look at it this way, you are like an emotional supply to him he wants you when he's in need for that supply. You are right you are boosting his ego, a backup plan, i would say in his mind he thinks "oh i own that girl i can go back anything time i want".The time he's with you another girl is dealing with this and the cycle goes on and on. You sound like a good girl but i'm sorry to say this you kinda let men walk over you and you keep attracting them.Look out for People Pleaser Syndrome, protect yourself emotional pain is the same as the physical one, you have to protect your soul and don't change yourself for others."You know that admitting the problem is the first step towards repair" I hope i'm not being rude here!! Yes, emotional pain is same as physical. I've tried to block him once but regretted it as I missed him very much. It was my own fault. What should I do to reveal his true colors? He's playing the good guy all the time, yet he guy that has been hurt in the past... I need to reveal his true colors. What would be a good way to do this? And no, don't tell me it's not worth it because I've lost too much time already and I need to put an end to this suffering before I'll stop talking to him forever.
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Yes, emotional pain is same as physical. I've tried to block him once but regretted it as I missed him very much. It was my own fault. What should I do to reveal his true colors? He's playing the good guy all the time, yet he guy that has been hurt in the past... I need to reveal his true colors. What would be a good way to do this? And no, don't tell me it's not worth it because I've lost too much time already and I need to put an end to this suffering before I'll stop talking to him forever. Why do you want to reveal his true colors? you can't do it and even if you can it's not healthy, now you are looking for revenge kinda of thing. The only way to put an end to this is by going NC for good, you said it yourself that you wasted a long time for his games. The only way to break free is NC anything else will set you back to square 1. This kind of emotional bonding is hard to break and looking for some kind of revenge will do no good to you. It's not worth it.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Yes, emotional pain is same as physical. I've tried to block him once but regretted it as I missed him very much. It was my own fault. What should I do to reveal his true colors? He's playing the good guy all the time, yet he guy that has been hurt in the past... I need to reveal his true colors. What would be a good way to do this? And no, don't tell me it's not worth it because I've lost too much time already and I need to put an end to this suffering before I'll stop talking to him forever. What do you even mean by this? He's told you. You're just refusing to believe what you're hearing.
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If somebody told me he loved me and later took it back specially if it was a guy I hardly knew and was never in a real relationship with - I would seriously DOUBT that he meant it when he said it, and be really ready to believe he DID mean it when he said he didn't, you really should be the same irresolute. None of the stuff you talk about here as far as this guy goes or the last one for that matter are related to the way relationships or love really are. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but it is far outside of normal behavior between people, I wish you would stop setting this stuff up for yourself, there must be other ways to get excitement and drama in your life that are not so destructive.
Author irresolute Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) And I feared this moment... The moment in which I realize I've been so consumed by obsession, that I got absolutely and dangerously blind. And now that Im starting to realize, yet again, that everything was a f.ucking dream and he only projected what I wanted him to, I feel like a fool, yet again. It's been a long ride for me. No one could help me. Edited March 24, 2015 by irresolute 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 And I feared this moment... The moment in which I realize I've been so consumed by obsession, that I got absolutely and dangerously blind. And now that Im starting to realize, yet again, that everything was a f.ucking dream and he only projected what I wanted him to, I feel like a fool, yet again. It's been a long ride for me. No one could help me. Sincerely - how can you see this in yourself sometimes and then seem to willfully blank it out and buy into the stories you tell yourself? It seems very complicated and self destructive, why do you think you do it? Do you ever go to a counsellor and try to get out of that behavior? I really have been paying attention to your posts - it is honestly kind of hard to watch you set up all these things and then get yourself hurt by them.
Author irresolute Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) It was Johnny, indeed. I was very ashamed to tell you. Specially zahara and Simon. I can no longer hold it Edited March 25, 2015 by irresolute
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Yes, emotional pain is same as physical. I've tried to block him once but regretted it as I missed him very much. It was my own fault. What should I do to reveal his true colors? He's playing the good guy all the time, yet he guy that has been hurt in the past... I need to reveal his true colors. What would be a good way to do this? And no, don't tell me it's not worth it because I've lost too much time already and I need to put an end to this suffering before I'll stop talking to him forever. You need to stop trying to reveal his colors and you need to dive deeper into why you are attracted to such dysfunctional situations and why you incessantly chase after these type of men. All you are doing by trying to expose him, besides foolishly setting yourself up for more pain and drama, is avoiding the one thing you can control, which is how you act. All this is is you avoiding doing the necessary work that you need to do individually. You can't win this game, because you aren't capable of playing it. And even if you were, it's a waste of your time. Instead of exposing him, you need to expose yourself and fix yourself. I think the prospect of that frightens the piss out of you, which is why you immerse yourself in these ridiculous relationships. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 It was Johnny, indeed. I was very ashamed to tell you. Specially zahara and Simon. I can no longer hold it Wait, so this new guy never existed and you lied to us about chasing the old guy? I think this is a situation above this board's pay grade. You need to seek a professional. Not saying this to be mean, but I think you might need more help than a message board can provide. 2
Strength in Healing Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Wait, so this new guy never existed and you lied to us about chasing the old guy? I think this is a situation above this board's pay grade. You need to seek a professional. Not saying this to be mean, but I think you might need more help than a message board can provide. I am a professional, and I don't think our pay grade is high enough. Lol. 2
NopeNah Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I am a professional, and I don't think our pay grade is high enough. So true! I thought my '****uation' was bad...yikes! 1
SycamoreCircle Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Recognize this fellow? OkCupid | The Dating Persona Test
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Wait, so this new guy never existed and you lied to us about chasing the old guy? I think this is a situation above this board's pay grade. You need to seek a professional. Not saying this to be mean, but I think you might need more help than a message board can provide. I'm sorry. Do please not make me feel worse than I'm feeling right now. Please.
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Recognize this fellow? OkCupid | The Dating Persona Test Horrible truth.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm sorry. Do please not make me feel worse than I'm feeling right now. Please. You don't need to apologize to me or anyone else on this board. The best apology is to stop this self-destructive cycle and allow a counselor to help you through this rough patch. Nothing wrong with getting assistance. 1
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 You don't need to apologize to me or anyone else on this board. The best apology is to stop this self-destructive cycle and allow a counselor to help you through this rough patch. Nothing wrong with getting assistance. I've been to four already in these two years. One of them actually told me to continue with him. I need to find the truth by myself.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I've been to four already in these two years. One of them actually told me to continue with him. I need to find the truth by myself. Well, if that's what you need to do, I think you need to stop dating immediately. No more websites (especially none like adult friend finder) and no more men for the time being. You need to do you and figure out you. I still think there are counselors that can help you, though the one that told you to stick with Johnny, wow, he or she did you a severe disservice. 1
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Well, if that's what you need to do, I think you need to stop dating immediately. No more websites (especially none like adult friend finder) and no more men for the time being. You need to do you and figure out you. I still think there are counselors that can help you, though the one that told you to stick with Johnny, wow, he or she did you a severe disservice. I'm not active on dating sites at the moment. I was only stalking him through fake accounts, just to see what he was doing. This last time we went too far. He told me he loved me, we were planning a getaway together... I'm still in shock. The reasoning behind the affirmation of this therapist was that both Johnny and I were the same type of person with the same needs. I can see that he was not wrong however Johnny and I were not a good match
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm not active on dating sites at the moment. I was only stalking him through fake accounts, just to see what he was doing. This last time we went too far. He told me he loved me, we were planning a getaway together... I'm still in shock. The reasoning behind the affirmation of this therapist was that both Johnny and I were the same type of person with the same needs. I can see that he was not wrong however Johnny and I were not a good match No more online stalking of his profile. You need to completely detach and stay detached. And two flawed people (he definitely has his flaws too) does not a good match make. But you can't control his faults. All you can control is you. It's time for you to truly start doing that.
Author irresolute Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 No more online stalking of his profile. You need to completely detach and stay detached. And two flawed people (he definitely has his flaws too) does not a good match make. But you can't control his faults. All you can control is you. It's time for you to truly start doing that. No, not stalking him now. Can't assure you I'll not stalk him tomorrow, but I'll try to stalk him less and less. I'm hurt right now. As if the dream bubble in which I was in just exploded. Very hurt.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 No, not stalking him now. Can't assure you I'll not stalk him tomorrow, but I'll try to stalk him less and less. I'm hurt right now. As if the dream bubble in which I was in just exploded. Very hurt. Don't try, do. Trying just gives you room to fail. It's time for you to just do it. It's going to be hard, but every time you fail you make it even harder on yourself.
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