Biscous Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 And would be unfair for you to end a relationship with someone that doesn't see eye to eye with you on that and your expectations weren't met?
Diezel Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 The cooking... not so much. In this day and age, apparently no one can. Fortunately, I am with someone who can and I can cook as well. We are both VERY physically active. The physically active I will NOT budge on. Someone who does not see eye to eye with me on that is a dealbreaker. It's a personal choice. I like to go to the gym and I like to keep fit and work out. Thankfully, I'm with someone who loves to go to the gym even more than I do. I was once with someone who didn't like it. And she thought all my time at the gym and all my attention to my dietary needs were actually differing schools of thought from hers. She even complained that my time at the gym was taking too much time away from "us". That's when I knew she didn't get it, and she never would. It wasn't the reason we broke up, but it helped me learn what is one more quality I need to seek in a significant other.
regine_phalange Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I'm happy if someone knows how to boil an egg, at least. I'm no big cook myself, and I'm turned off when someone expects me to cook because I'm a woman. Physically active, I'm happy as long as he likes to go for walks and he looks good. I don't think I would breakup over either of those, as long as 1) he doesn't take my cooking for granted and he does other errands around the house, and 2) he doesn't give me a hard time when I want to do my yoga.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If she can cook, I see that as icing on the cake, but definitely not a necessity. However, I won't be in a LTR with a woman that hates to exercise. I'm far too passionate about fitness and way too active to ever be with a woman that's physically lazy. But with that said, I'm also a homebody so it would be great if she didn't have to be on the go 24-7 either.
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I need a guy to be able to cook. It's too draining being the only person who can rustle up a healthy homemade meal. I'm not talking cordon bleu requirements, just someone who can plan and make a meal from scratch which is tasty and nutritious. I am a pretty great cook and all I tend to make is relatively simple things. Shepherds pie, spaghetti bolognese, pasta and pasta bakes, lasagna, Chinese noodles, stir fries, fried breakfasts, Thai currys and pad Thai, homemade veggie soup, interesting sandwiches, roast dinners, salads, homemade pies peas and mashed potatoes, cookies and cakes, the usual stuff. It's not rocket science! I do the most cooking at the minute simply because I get home from work first but if my boyfriend gets home first he will sort dinner out. It's just a very basic adult skill and more than practicality, if a guy can't do this basic task to take care of himself it's a huge turnoff and makes him seem immature. If someone relies on takeaways and ready microwave meals I wouldn't wanna date them long term unless they had an interest in learning to cook. I'm vegan and a total foodie and so passionate about food I love having a partner who's as enthusiastic as I am about a nice meal! As for fitness I'm not too fussed, I go through phases of using the gym but hate sports, if someone's into it then great for them and it'd encourage me to join in actually but fitness and being physically active is near the bottom of the list for things I seek compatibility in, whereas cooking is very important. 1
No Limit Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I don't care about the cooking part. Honestly, the only thing I'm capable of in the kitchen is washing the dishes and heating water and using the toaster. I know people's physique changes a little as they age - and not just in the face - but going from normal-skinny guy to obese would be a dealbreaker for me. I don't understand how men can stay with women who suddenly double their body weight after the marriage ceremony.
kendahke Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I don't understand how men can stay with women who suddenly double their body weight after the marriage ceremony. those vows saying "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health..." That and the state has to be dragged in to sort out the mess.
kendahke Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 And would be unfair for you to end a relationship with someone that doesn't see eye to eye with you on that and your expectations weren't met? It's never unfair if the incompatibility is insurmountable. Are the expectations reasonable?
Stillits Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I'm no great cook myself and although it would be nice to find a man who can cook well it is not very important. If we have very different approaches to eating habits and philosophies it could be problematic though. Being physically active is also not very important to me. I would like to have someone who will go on hikes in natural areas and general walks/bike rides with me but I'm not concerned at all that he has to be/look very fit.
Toodaloo Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I love food. I love healthy food. Junk to me is just fuel. I hate sitting about on my backside... So if I were with a lazy bum who didn't enjoy life the way I do I think that would be a deal breaker as it would be a fundamental difference in behaviour don't you think? The ex was lazy and although he cooked it was junk food. I was utterly miserable for years.
Shepp Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Cooking ability: Unimportant. Food is a tremendous part of my life! I love food.. but I consider myself a pretty grand cook, and more than happy to do the cooking. Don't get me wrong a girl who can cook awesome food for you wouldn't be a bad thing but even my 16month year old twins prefer my baked beans to my wifes, and it doesn't factor into our relationship. Physical activity: Essential and uncompromisable. Its not only something I consider to be important, its my number one hobby and simply my way of life. I couldn't begin to share my life with someone who didn't share my love of physical activity. I need a partner to share my passion for fitness and to want to come.. climbing/biking/windsurfing/ect ect with me. I don't think id have anything on common with someone who didn't share that passion and equally I think we'd have highly different parenting ideas as well.
Hopeful30 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 It's not so much eye to eye as it is gender roles. There is nothing wrong with gender roles -- it's a relationship preference. I don't think it's enough to make me break up with someone, but I think everyone has a right to if that means alot to them. Good physical shape? Would be nice if they could maintain it, as in they don't just 'let go' the further our relationship goes. I would want them to take care of themselves, but I don't expect greek god physique. As for cooking, it would be nice as well, but I can't say much on that front. I hate cooking, and it would suck if a man broke up with me over that. Then again, if it was that important to him than I would just cook. It's not that big a deal lol
Shining One Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I'm a pretty good cook, so I don't need her to be one as well. As for physical fitness, I'm fine as long as she doesn't completely let herself go. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 And would be unfair for you to end a relationship with someone that doesn't see eye to eye with you on that and your expectations weren't met? Cooking & staying physically active do not matter to me at all. Nobody cooks in my house. We eat out or get take out a lot. We are not foodies. However, whatever your expectations are, they need to be met in a relationship otherwise, what's the point of the relationship? Dating is all about compatibility.
adiamond Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Cooking- It's not a deal breaker but I would prefer if a guy can cook sometimes. I don't mind cooking and I'm decent but sometimes it's nice just to be able to sit back and let someone else do the cooking. Or if I'm doing the cooking, then he can pay for the times we go out/take out. Physically active- I want a guy who wants to go out sometimes and go hiking/travel/ have fun with me doing some sort of physical activity. He doesn't have to go to the gym 24/7. I don't think I'd like it though if all he wants to do is lounge on the couch on a beautiful day. 1
Confusedcarl Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I think all that matters is what you find important. If you find fitness and cooking skills important you should probably have a conversation about it. If thy don't want to atleast make an attempt, then you have all the right If you're unsatisfied. Fitness is important I believe for anyone. Not for appearance alone but also for overall body health. Cooking, as long as one person can cook in the relationship it's not so bad but it would be ideal if both could so the load isn't all on one person.
anduina Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If it's important enough that it can end a relationship, then make sure you pick someone who also makes it their priority. I don't understand getting with someone who doesn't share your priorities, in the first place. 1
wb1988 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I think its hilarious that there are people that can't cook. Part of survival is knowing how to cook and I think it's almost basic human instinct. If you can't cook then I would imagine that you aren't able to handle unpredictable situations and random disaster. Somehow its become kind of trendy for a woman to say that she can't cook. I have female friends that say that they can't cook even though I remember seeing instagram pics of them baking stuff or doing a stir-fry. I'm a pretty good cook myself and usually make sushi when I want to show off my cooking to a date. Also I find cooking kinda fun, if only there wasn't any cleaning up. Actually thats what i like, to cook and then have the gf (who apparently can't cook) clean up. 2
EgoJoe Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I've been exclusive with my current girlfriend for about a month now after a over a month of just dating. She is a young professional and her masters degree and she is still an ambitious cook. She enjoys cooking for me and as a result I enjoy helping her by cutting, chopping etc. I also do the dishes. It's a fantastic bonding experience. She took my gag gift of an Italian cook book and ran with it. Making homemade noodles for fettuccine Alfredo and al dente. As a Man I desire a Woman who can cook. I think gender roles need to evolve but they don't always need to be abolished. 1
Hopeful30 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 If it's important enough that it can end a relationship, then make sure you pick someone who also makes it their priority. I don't understand getting with someone who doesn't share your priorities, in the first place. You can't always see those priorities right away. Sometimes it takes some dating dating to figure that out.
Author Biscous Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 The cooking... not so much. In this day and age, apparently no one can. Fortunately, I am with someone who can and I can cook as well. We are both VERY physically active. The physically active I will NOT budge on. Someone who does not see eye to eye with me on that is a dealbreaker. It's a personal choice. I like to go to the gym and I like to keep fit and work out. Thankfully, I'm with someone who loves to go to the gym even more than I do. I was once with someone who didn't like it. And she thought all my time at the gym and all my attention to my dietary needs were actually differing schools of thought from hers. She even complained that my time at the gym was taking too much time away from "us". That's when I knew she didn't get it, and she never would. It wasn't the reason we broke up, but it helped me learn what is one more quality I need to seek in a significant other. I'm happy if someone knows how to boil an egg, at least. I'm no big cook myself, and I'm turned off when someone expects me to cook because I'm a woman. Physically active, I'm happy as long as he likes to go for walks and he looks good. I don't think I would breakup over either of those, as long as 1) he doesn't take my cooking for granted and he does other errands around the house, and 2) he doesn't give me a hard time when I want to do my yoga. I'm at a point like this with my GF. I train MMA about 3-4 days a week and also try to lift. She loves the passion and drive that I have, but she has also complained a few times that I "live at the gym" or don't spend time for "us". I do make time and I have tapered down my training a bit, but I have to balance my work life and also training for a fight. When were dating she liked that I cooked at home and enjoyed that since her last boyfriend did not share those qualities, wanted to eat out, etc. I think cooking for someone is a sign of love. But between trying to prioritize my own things and see her and both our work schedules, it is tough for me now to cook at home, so sometimes we eat out. My issue with her as of late was she asked me to help her at the gym and I asked her to do a box jump on a 12'' platform (which is nothing really) and she was complaining about it. Between her lifestyle choices of not being 'motivated' to work out and going to happy hour with her friends and having a few drinks, which she knows I'm not much of a drinker and she has been around my family where no one drinks, I'm starting to think this isn't a long term relationship for me. She thinks I'm going after her character and I feel guilty of that, but I need my needs met too. Surprisingly she used to be pretty consistent with yoga a few years back but she let stress get into her way and I do my best to help her with that but only so much. I've even been with her. If it's important enough that it can end a relationship, then make sure you pick someone who also makes it their priority. I don't understand getting with someone who doesn't share your priorities, in the first place. Hindsight my friend.
Diezel Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 My issue with her as of late was she asked me to help her at the gym and I asked her to do a box jump on a 12'' platform (which is nothing really) and she was complaining about it. Between her lifestyle choices of not being 'motivated' to work out and going to happy hour with her friends and having a few drinks, which she knows I'm not much of a drinker and she has been around my family where no one drinks, I'm starting to think this isn't a long term relationship for me. She thinks I'm going after her character and I feel guilty of that, but I need my needs met too. Surprisingly she used to be pretty consistent with yoga a few years back but she let stress get into her way and I do my best to help her with that but only so much. I've even been with her. This is going to be a HUGE evolving problem for you. Specially since you aren't as big a drinker as she seems to be and she isn't a big fit fanatic like you are. About the box jump, I know a 12" isn't much, but some people do have a fear of jumping up on those. I'm surprised she stopped yoga because of stress, when it should be the other way around... you should seek it out because of stress. Her defense mechanism is to make you feel like you are going after your character. But you really aren't. I share working out with my girl, even though we don't work out together. She's gotten up at 5 AM to go to a Spin class. She'll work out again in the evening. I've NEVER seen this as an invasion of MY time. Rather, I think it actually helps us. We also talk about our workouts, our meals, etc... It's been a completely different experience, because we boost each other to go. On days I feel tired, I remember she got up early, so I have NO excuse. The significant other should always be a motivator in your life, not a demotivator.
Author Biscous Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 This is going to be a HUGE evolving problem for you. Specially since you aren't as big a drinker as she seems to be and she isn't a big fit fanatic like you are. About the box jump, I know a 12" isn't much, but some people do have a fear of jumping up on those. I'm surprised she stopped yoga because of stress, when it should be the other way around... you should seek it out because of stress. Her defense mechanism is to make you feel like you are going after your character. But you really aren't. I share working out with my girl, even though we don't work out together. She's gotten up at 5 AM to go to a Spin class. She'll work out again in the evening. I've NEVER seen this as an invasion of MY time. Rather, I think it actually helps us. We also talk about our workouts, our meals, etc... It's been a completely different experience, because we boost each other to go. On days I feel tired, I remember she got up early, so I have NO excuse. The significant other should always be a motivator in your life, not a demotivator. I don't expect my partner to have the same fitness level as me nor be in the gym all the time. I got other stuff outside of this that identifies me, but the point of the matter is that I'm 31 now and I've been into fitness since I was 18. Actually started martial arts at 14 but stopped and got back into it later in life. I don't think I'm 'better' than anyone for doing this. This is just my lifestyle and I really started things like weightlifting to fight stress and deep depression I had at a point in my life so of course it is important to me, very important. I have gone to her gym at her apartments to help her out, but I asked her to go to Gold's Gym with me because of the equipment, but we had to go to a different one because she says I get hit on by other women, which really I don't but I do have female friends. She feels intimidated because those women are in shape. I am trying to compromise. I just really hate that she didn't try and she wasted my time a bit with it especially when she helped. It makes me feel like she likes the idea of it, but does not have the dedication. I know there are other women that are more aligned and compatible with my goals. I feel that it is unfair for me to try to get her to do that sort of stuff if she isn't comfortable or I make her uneasy. Also it may be unfair for me as well. The drinking yes is a bit huge. I've seen her take 3-4 drinks in a night and I'm really like a 0-1 guy lol.
Diezel Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I know there are other women that are more aligned and compatible with my goals. I feel that it is unfair for me to try to get her to do that sort of stuff if she isn't comfortable or I make her uneasy. Also it may be unfair for me as well. The drinking yes is a bit huge. I've seen her take 3-4 drinks in a night and I'm really like a 0-1 guy lol. It's unfair to the both of you, to be honest. Your lifestyles are incompatible. You can try as much as you want, but she won't step into your world the way you'd want to. And she can try as much as she wants, but you won't be happy if you curtail your life the way she thinks she wants you to. If the drinking is a "bit huge" and fairly consistent, this is going to eventually be a point of major contention. You really need to find yourself who is much more compatible. I really hate to see it this way, but it's the truth, for both your sake's. I wasted so many years of my life with one person because I kept thinking it might change or she might see it my way, and I'm sure she was thinking I might see it her way. Time. Wasted. Lesson. Learned. At some point, one of you two might have to budge, and it'll only be grounds for eventual resentment.
Author Biscous Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 It's unfair to the both of you, to be honest. Your lifestyles are incompatible. You can try as much as you want, but she won't step into your world the way you'd want to. And she can try as much as she wants, but you won't be happy if you curtail your life the way she thinks she wants you to. If the drinking is a "bit huge" and fairly consistent, this is going to eventually be a point of major contention. You really need to find yourself who is much more compatible. I really hate to see it this way, but it's the truth, for both your sake's. I wasted so many years of my life with one person because I kept thinking it might change or she might see it my way, and I'm sure she was thinking I might see it her way. Time. Wasted. Lesson. Learned. At some point, one of you two might have to budge, and it'll only be grounds for eventual resentment. Kinda where I'm at thinking. Luckily she has been drinking less and really wants to change, but of course she likes her friends and such. It's a bit difficult. And she takes things very personally, as though I am talking about her as a person. I like her as a person but I'm being realistic in certain aspects of our life.
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