Ex gf problems and getting back together

[Franklinocean]

So me and my ex gf were dating for about two years and everything was pretty good up until Christmas-ish. She went out and played poker without telling me. The thing is she lost a lot of money and because she was afraid that I would find out she told me about it, initially I was pretty upset and I told her to give me some space while I re-think about our relationship.

After about a week of really NC I kinda figured that she is a really selfish person and it is almost as if she is a narcissist. Up until now I was pretty blind by everything and I really realized that she is just so not compromise able.

So on January 1 we broke up (through text) and she says that she just needs time to find herself. After a few days she told me that she was already talking to somebody else and that she just didn't need me anymore and just disposed of me like nothing. After hearing this I was torn in two and it had been the hardest part of my life, but during the end of the first week I tried to initiate NC and just after the first day of NC she blew up my phone! She was texting me saying that I was a POS and that I never really cared for her and this and that! But honestly how could I care when she was already talking to somebody else? She said that I was supposed to text her and check up on her and make sure that she is alright and everything which I thought was dumb because I had no obligations. So after about two months, we hung out here and there and she would always be the first to initate contact with me and everything all while still having this other guy. It would literally be impossible to be left alone because she would find every way possible to get ahold of me. She would constantly call/text me from random numbers and other's phones, she would also randomly show up at my place and pretty much threaten me to talk to her and what not. The messed up thing was that she would only do this when I REALLY ignored her or when she found out I went out with my buddies to bars or something and still she was messing around with this other guy. At about the end of the second month she had asked me to change her oil in her car because my hobby is working on cars and her car required a little more care and special attention when it came to oil changes. I initially said yes on a Sunday but come to find that my family and I were doing something for my mom's birthday so I told her Monday that I would have to postpone until a later date. She calls me Wednesday (mom's birthday) saying that it's messed up I'm not going to change her oil for her and that she was going to go to my parents house because that's where I was going to be. In the end her and I got into a huge argument in front of the house and my mom being a mom stepped in and my ex gf being the angry/crazy person called my mom a bitch!!! (Ex gf claims she hates this word but she uses it all the time) My whole family came out of the house in defense of my mom and they all cussed her out and told her to leave. All of this because she didn't want to pay somebody to change her oil and because her rebound guy would NOT do it for her even though he is a certified mechanic. After another two months and constant forced contact from her and more degrading words she broke down one day. This day she said that she really has nobody in her life that cares for her or that she is all alone now (her father is losing the battle of stage 4 lung cancer and has a life expectancy of 6 months) and that she is willing to leave her rebound guy now to try to make it work with me! I thought this was all just shenanigans so I blew her off like nothing but I eventually caved and met with her. During this meeting she acted very friendly and happy and excited to see me and she was all touchy feely! So We talked and talked about what happened and what needs to happen in order to maybe start over again.

During the last two months I really had LC with Her and I denied every single one of her requests to hangout or phone or anything.

 

The thing is... I don't know why but I still love her and I still want/need her but she has just done so many messed up things to my family. I had recently moved back into my parents house because my mother is losing her job and I need to financially help out my father and my 16yo brother.

 

After talking with my ex the next night she told me that in order to get back together that I had to drop going out to the bars and clubs! Which I can but she won't ever apologize to my mom because she just does not like my mom at all!!! All I want is for my ex to compromise with me and apologize to my mom and then we can work things out! My ex absolutely will not apologize to nobody! She says that she doesn't need to do that back at home so why would she need to do that at mine?

My parents are pissed that I'm taking to her again and they absolutely will not tolerate it so my ex gf pretty much said is either your family or me... But my ex won't even try to compromise at all and she is so demanding and pushing for me to choose! I still

Think I love my ex but I just don't know what to do!

[Karin2rinkashi]

So me and my ex gf were dating for about two years and everything was pretty good up until Christmas-ish. She went out and played poker without telling me. The thing is she lost a lot of money and because she was afraid that I would find out she told me about it, initially I was pretty upset and I told her to give me some space while I re-think about our relationship.

After about a week of really NC I kinda figured that she is a really selfish person and it is almost as if she is a narcissist. Up until now I was pretty blind by everything and I really realized that she is just so not compromise able.

So on January 1 we broke up (through text) and she says that she just needs time to find herself. After a few days she told me that she was already talking to somebody else and that she just didn't need me anymore and just disposed of me like nothing. After hearing this I was torn in two and it had been the hardest part of my life, but during the end of the first week I tried to initiate NC and just after the first day of NC she blew up my phone! She was texting me saying that I was a POS and that I never really cared for her and this and that! But honestly how could I care when she was already talking to somebody else? She said that I was supposed to text her and check up on her and make sure that she is alright and everything which I thought was dumb because I had no obligations. So after about two months, we hung out here and there and she would always be the first to initate contact with me and everything all while still having this other guy. It would literally be impossible to be left alone because she would find every way possible to get ahold of me. She would constantly call/text me from random numbers and other's phones, she would also randomly show up at my place and pretty much threaten me to talk to her and what not. The messed up thing was that she would only do this when I REALLY ignored her or when she found out I went out with my buddies to bars or something and still she was messing around with this other guy. At about the end of the second month she had asked me to change her oil in her car because my hobby is working on cars and her car required a little more care and special attention when it came to oil changes. I initially said yes on a Sunday but come to find that my family and I were doing something for my mom's birthday so I told her Monday that I would have to postpone until a later date. She calls me Wednesday (mom's birthday) saying that it's messed up I'm not going to change her oil for her and that she was going to go to my parents house because that's where I was going to be. In the end her and I got into a huge argument in front of the house and my mom being a mom stepped in and my ex gf being the angry/crazy person called my mom a bitch!!! (Ex gf claims she hates this word but she uses it all the time) My whole family came out of the house in defense of my mom and they all cussed her out and told her to leave. All of this because she didn't want to pay somebody to change her oil and because her rebound guy would NOT do it for her even though he is a certified mechanic. After another two months and constant forced contact from her and more degrading words she broke down one day. This day she said that she really has nobody in her life that cares for her or that she is all alone now (her father is losing the battle of stage 4 lung cancer and has a life expectancy of 6 months) and that she is willing to leave her rebound guy now to try to make it work with me! I thought this was all just shenanigans so I blew her off like nothing but I eventually caved and met with her. During this meeting she acted very friendly and happy and excited to see me and she was all touchy feely! So We talked and talked about what happened and what needs to happen in order to maybe start over again.

During the last two months I really had LC with Her and I denied every single one of her requests to hangout or phone or anything.

 

The thing is... I don't know why but I still love her and I still want/need her but she has just done so many messed up things to my family. I had recently moved back into my parents house because my mother is losing her job and I need to financially help out my father and my 16yo brother.

 

After talking with my ex the next night she told me that in order to get back together that I had to drop going out to the bars and clubs! Which I can but she won't ever apologize to my mom because she just does not like my mom at all!!! All I want is for my ex to compromise with me and apologize to my mom and then we can work things out! My ex absolutely will not apologize to nobody! She says that she doesn't need to do that back at home so why would she need to do that at mine?

My parents are pissed that I'm taking to her again and they absolutely will not tolerate it so my ex gf pretty much said is either your family or me... But my ex won't even try to compromise at all and she is so demanding and pushing for me to choose! I still

Think I love my ex but I just don't know what to do!

 

 

How many ups and downs has your family been there for you? How many compromises your parents made for you, the reason you are who you are today....?

 

Now, compare that to your ex's behavior and ask the same questions... She won't apologize to your family because she doesn't have to do that where she comes from?

 

Well, you need to play this game with YOUR rules, not hers. Tell her, this is what you are asking and if that is not happening then she can hit the road.

 

 

You said it yourself, she is selfish and she is stubborn. Honestly, i won't even take this girl back. She is stuck up and disrespectful!

 

Your family has a proven track record of being there, while your gf is a complete opposite. She is gonna end up making your life miserable after you have left your family. That is a loss/loss for you

 

This is a easy pick.... but whatever floats your boat...

[Franklinocean]

Honestly I always try to be very optimistic about every aspect in life. Constantly I will tell myself that she can change for the better but really it feels as if it's actually implanted into her DNA.

The really messed up part is that I lent her family quite a large sum of money so that they could afford to get by while their father goes his treatments and everything. This large sum was granted to them months before the breakup and it would be even more difficult to break all ties with her because of this.

I'm just in a really really bad position because I have no more emotional energy to deal with any of this and I will have to keep in contact with her somewhat because I still need this money that I leant them.